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Crazy? In love?
Apr 21, 2004
Iíve read thru a couple post and Iíve read a few that are similar to my situation but Iím finding it hard to pick out the advise that might help me. Hopefully somebody can take a look at this situation and give me some advise.
Iím 23 years old. I just grauated last May from college. I never planed on staying here in this college town but my parent encouraged me to buy a house, I found a job, and I met my now boyfriend. Iím in, what I consider, a serious relationship. Weíve been together for more than 10 months. Heís not the most charming man in the world but I pride myself in not being superficial or close-minded. Iím usually a timid, shy, easy going person. Things have gotten more serious in the past month with my boyfriend. He told me a few weeks ago that heís going to marry me some day, heís told me that he loves me so much and that I mean the world to him. Weíve gotten closer emotionally but last night after a fight I felt like we took a huge leap back. I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING CRAZY, i cheked his phone for messages, i woke him up in the middle of the night....ect. Iím trying to figure out if I should just stop here and walk away or if I need to change my perspective and really try to work this out.
The problems:
1. He talks of his exís, past girls heís slept with and it makes me terribly jealous. He STILL talks to a few of his exís whom want to get back together with him. He gets mad at me that I get jealous. Yet when he hears of one of my exís or an old friend calls, itís perfectly fine that he gets jealous and mad. And he inadvertently make it all my fault.
2. Arguments usually end in Iím right, youíre wrong. Arguments are very sarcastic and hurtful. They become harder and harder to recover from. He treats them as unnatural events. And usually double standards emerge. Exp: Itís ok for me to talk with these girls because theyíre my friends. Itís not ok for you to talk to those guys because they arenít your friends. Itís ok for me to flirt with these girls cause Iím just being stupid and it doesnít mean anything, but if you look at another guy that means you want to go home with him.
3. He gets short and snotty with me when heís had a bad day. He hardly ever comes to me. I always come to him for comfort, friendship, love. This was a huge issue not too long ago. He always wants me to come on to him or come to him when Iím upset. Yet he can never come to me when heís upset and he rarely comes on to me. I get bitchy after a hard day but Iíve made extra effort to be in good moods around him, to come on to him and show affection, why is it so hard for him?
These are just the problems I can think of at the moment because they are fresh in my mind.
The questions:
1. Why does his history bother me? If he was promiscuous in the past does that mean he will be in the future?
2. Why does he still talk to/think about his exís?
3. Why does he try to talk to other girls when he goes out with his friends? Why does he talk to other girls when Iím not around? Is this appropriate behavior? What does it say about him?
4. How can we discuss tender issues without getting motional or mad? How can I discuss my problems with him without him getting turned off or me feeling like its just pushing him away?
5. Are arguments unnatural? Is it wrong to stay in a relationship that has problems so early on? Should I be looking for a relationship that has NO arguments?
6. Why do I fell like heís being arrogant when he wants me to come on to him, do what he wants to do? Why doesnít he like to do what I like to do?
7. Why does he play on my fears and insecurities either sarcastically or jokingly?
8. Why canít I get frustrated or upset? Why canít I have a bad day?
9. Why does he have double standards?
10. Why canít I trust him? Should I?
These are just a few questions I had. Any advise?

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