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I borke up with my ex eight months ago and still have trouble letting go. I thought that we were going to get married - we talked about it and even looked at rings. I had went away for a weekend and came back and all of a sudden things were different. He wanted to slow down - we got into a huge fight and he said he didn't know what he wanted. we made up, but I had a feeling he wasn't being honest. So i went looking for evidence on his computer - which was wrong - and found out that the weekend I went away he went out drinking with his ex - and wrote verbatim "we fought most of the night and then we went home together." I then read that he had seen her about five times since we started dating - and how to him she lit up a room and I always looked sad and was boring. He later took back the boring comment.

I was crushed. I took everything out of his house. I called him and called him on it, he denied it, and when I said I didn't believe him, he said "what did you do, look on my computer?" I said it was the smartest most dishonest think I had ever done. And that it was over. I turned off my cell because I needed to stay strong and I was scared over what had happened. I am not a big confrontation person.

He left a message saying he didn't cheat, but he did talk on the phone with his ex and hang out with her but he didn't tell me because he didn't think that i needed to know and it was shitty that i looked on him computer and if that was how it was going to be then we shouldn't be together anyway.

i called back and apologized for looking on him computer and stated that I didn't think things were adding up and that it was wrong - but why didn't he tell me they were hanging out. All the while stressing the need that we needed to talk.

we never did. I even wrote a letter three weeks later saying that despite how things ended I was glad I met him and fell in love with him and that I wished him the best of luck.

no response from him.

About eight weeks ago, I ran into my ex's stepmother and she stated she didn't know why we broke up that we were the perfect couple and I was the best girlfriend that he ever had and on and on. at first, I said I didn't want to cross into that, but she kept going and kept asking. So I told her that we wasn't completely honest about the nature of the relationship with his ex girlfriend, but I also mentioned how I found out and stated that was wrong on my part - but that bulk it up to woman's intuition. I also stated that I thought he was great guy and that I wished him the best.

Well my friend saw my ex out one night and he mentioned that his stepmother said I said he cheated on me. And could she just tell me that he didn't cheat on me.

Looking back, it was wrong of me to tell his family what happened, that I overstepped the lines. and I could see that making him angry with me.

However, we never had closure. ANd I continue to feel guilt for the way I found out about everything, how I handled it and now for saying something that i shouldn't have.

I tried calling him to get closure last week. He never returned my call. He was probably like, why is she calling now. My message just said that I was wondering how he was and could he call me back.

I feel like he hates me and I hate that. I hate that i never allowed myself to be angry with him because I continued to blame myself for the part I played. I kept picking all these instances apart where I could said something different, or anything.

Truth of it is, he was just probably not over her, and that I was rebound relationship that went where he didn't expect it to go.

We haven't seen or spoke to one another since the day we broke up.

I am still so nervous to see him out.

I don't know if I should talk to him to get closure or let it go. And if I let it go, how do I do that?

I have thought of going to counselor to get help, just because I can't keep tortuing myself.

Please be honest with your reponses.

Thanks.





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