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Relationship Health Message Board

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I'm not getting it? Yeah, you invested 10years of a marriage and yeah everyone is so quick to jump boat and get divorced. Have you ever asked these people who FINALLY went through with their divorce that this was their only option, waited too long to process the divorce, and are now at peace with themselves on making a right decision of getting a divorce?

OK, I was only married for 5 years - divorced 14, what do I know about marriage, commitment, honor vows, except if something is broken, can't be fixed, waiting around for the missing peice to fix it..It may never happen so you will waste, wonder, hope, pray, think, exhaust your time and efforts
YOU can't fix it because divorce is not an option so be confused and miserable. Sorry, life is too short...

Your wife had an affair - whether it was w/a man or woman she told you she is in love with another person - keeping in touch with the person she had an affair with while you wait and figure out how to get her back. You don't want to mess up your life you created that your wife is the one responsible for destroying not only your trust, but the Vows taken in marriage.

You didn't break that trust, she did, but if you don't want a divorce or trial separation then you will continue to live a life of lies, unhappiness, no trust,
anxitey, just to Keep The Marriage..

Life is too short to be miserable that is why sometimes people do get divorce.
What made you happy is in your past- Your future is Uncertain as long as you live the way you are and are accepting of your wife's affair. You could have a Happy, Bright, Future, if you allow yourself................
[QUOTE=SophiaM]So the other woman is married too? This just keeps getting better and better. Sorry. Does her husband know about this "affair"? You should inform him, in my opinion, if he doesn't. Do they have children?


Yeah he knows ..he knew before me, and has even caught them kissing !

To begin with he was cool about it. I think he found it a turn on. Then after I found out - the ***** hit the fan and now I don't think he's so cool about it.

I have no idea whether their marraige will survive - I hope it does - for their kids sake ...they also have 3 kids.

I'm telling you - this is an epic story ...looking back - I'm sure it would make a good book or movie!

Again, I think your wife has temporarily lost her mind. I still think it's highly unlikely that she will leave you for that married woman thousands of miles away. I wonder what she would do if you said "ok, do whatever makes you happy. go ahead and move to be with your lover." I am 99% sure she wouldn't do anything. Because why would she? She would have to be an idiot to leave a comfortable life, a loving husband, and her three children for some married chick miles and miles away. and even in the very remote chance she did that, she'd be running back home in no time.


I have said that and I've told her and that as long as our kids are safely away from "that woman" - she can do what she likes. Ofcourse that's not what I want - but short of locking under the stairs theirs nothing I can do.

She realises that she can't be with "that woman" - she even says she knows it would never work out ...they so jealous of one and other - eventually they would self destruct.

My wife is jealous of one particular friend of hers and "that woman" is jealous of me.

My wife says she tries to think bad about "that woman" - but she ca't keep those feelings for more than 5 minutes.

When they were together they also used to drink alot of red wine ...and drive afterwards !

That's one of the things that pissed me off most ...not only did they put themselves at risk - they put the kids lives at risk too.

Needless to say I put a stop to all that, but if they were together again I'm sure they would revert.

Apart they are 2 responsible women ...together they are like a pair of teenagers on drugs !

Thelma and Louise spring to mind.
The wife had an affair a year ago.
Husband finds out 9months ago
Husband moves family 6 months ago to keep wife from her lover
Wife keeps in touch with lover
Husband loves wife but does not trust wife
Husband does not want to divorce wife
Husband Does not want to share custody of children
Husband says he feels that his wife has let him down
Husband is very smart and has all the good comeback responses to our posts
and getting a divorce is out of the question
Husband thinks he has rushed into saving the marriage

BUT, Husband asked us on his original post Is he doing the smart thing by staying in his sham of a marriage and how does he move on with his marriage.

You wanted an expert's advise and we are not experts just friends from afar who are not remotely attached to your situation but can offer some advise.
That is what you wanted was advise or direction for which you can go.

I have to say, your responses are very impressive I can see you do not want a divorce. Why not counselling? Are you that afraid of what may come out of it? Is it easier to stay in a broken marriage?

Your heart has been broken, your head is messed up, because your wife betrayed you. Are you not Angry? Are you not Sad? You said you lost trust in your wife...How do you trust her again? One day at a time...AND that's if you ever can trust her again. She will have to earn your trust. BUT, if she still wants to keep in touch with the woman she had the affair with how are you ever going to get back that trust? You will always doubt her.

If you don't want to go to counseling together, perhaps you should go alone and figure this all out. Seems like the weight of your entire marriage, kids, your future is all on your shoulders...That is alot of weight to carry all by yourself.

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