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Relationship Health Message Board


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I'm in the military and in my 3 1/2 years... I've been away for almost 2 years. :( Before shipping out I started dating a woman I knew from a couple years before. Anyway... we hit it off. Everything was so perfect that I thought I was in heaven. I even went as far as to call her from the deployment station (just before leaving for bootcamp) to ask her if she really wanted me to stay, that I would gladly throw my dream of becoming a Marine away for her. She told me to go, so I did.

I went to bootcamp and received DOZENS (something like 36) of letters from her. She kept me going the whole time. We knew we loved each other and started telling each other that before I left. Near the end of my 3 month bootcamp I knew I wanted to spend my whole life with her.

After I got out of there and got to my first duty station we fought to see each other as much as possible (having her fly out a half dozen times). It still was so perfect. So, I took her on a trip and asked her to marry me. We both were so incredibly happy. Anyway, we ended up getting married and moved in together in an apartment. Everything went smooth until I had to leave for a very long deployment.

I tried to call every chance I could and we wrote each other e-mails and letters everyday. I ended up going to war, and just about every other country in the middle east and Europe... and finally got to go home. This is where my troubles started.

I got back and everything seemed great... everything was still the way they had been. My only problem at the time was my job which I was having a TON of problems with that I tried so desperately not to bring home. She also picked up a job that she wasn't too excited about but the problems never came home. But, things did start to slip a little. I started closing myself off to her, getting involved in an online game and spending almost every waking moment on there (I even had 2 weeks off and spent noon to night on it). More times than I can remember I would get off at 1 or 2am and she would be asleep on the floor or couch and I'd end up bringing her to bed (which put a dampner on our love life a bit... we both would be too tired to do anything but sleep).

Anyway... things were a little bumpy, and again I had to leave for a few months. Now, here I am... just about to go back home and I've spent 5 months out here and gotten maybe 6 letters/cards from her, and talk for 5-15 minutes on the phone at a time (as opposed to an hour or more the last deployment). It seems like to me, that she doesn't have that flair that she had with me before. Everyday I kill myself thinking that it's all my fault... that all that time I closed off from her I should have spent WITH her. I feel aweful the moment I get up until I go to sleep... always thinking that I screwed up and it's all my fault.

We've spoken many times about all of this and she said we will work on it (she really wants to), but says it needs to be done when I get home. Makes sense I suppose but what I can I do now in the next couple weeks before I get home? Am I worrying for nothing... in that when I get home and see her, hold her, and kiss her all the feelings will come back? Do I really need to worry about losing her to someone else even though I trust her more than I trust myself, and she's said countless times that she's only mine?

Please... someone... help. I've fought with this problem for 4 months now... and now I'm running out of steam. I don't know what to say or do that will make all of this better. Any suggestions? Apologies for the length of this post... but I wanted to be sure the situation is understood (without going into too many details).





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