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I want you all to know my side of the story. First off, this guy friend we are talking about and I do not see eachother that often. We get together once every 3 months or so, and just talk on the phone or email in between that. I do not go out for the whole shebang of dinner, dancing, movies with him. When we get together, we either rent a movie (it's cheaper than going to the theater) or meet for drinks at a restaurant bar. And by the way, we each pay our own way. I have been friends with him for about 4 years. I have a problem with my boyfriends reasoning that just because I have gone out for drinks with this guy and my sister and her husband (they are also friends with him) it constitutes that I was dating him. This is not true. If that were the case, then I have also dated my sister's girl friend. It doesn't make alot of sense to me.

I do not put off my boyfriend to spend time with my other friends. We both do shift work and so we don't have that many days off together. I value the time I get to spend with my boyfriend. However, I do not want to cut off my friends either for a 2 month long relationship with no guarantees (As Ruth pointed out in her posting # 8)

The reason I suggested counseling is because of my boyfriends reasoning behind all of this... He believes that THE ONLY reason a guy would be friends with a girl is because he wants to sleep with her. He also knows many people that have had failed relationships do to cheating, some where the woman had a guy friend who turned out to be more than a friend. I have known many people in that type of situation also... I have belonged to and facilitated a church group for divorced and seperated people. I feel like my boyfriend believes that by having a guy friend, it is a PROBABILITY not a POSSIBILITY that I will cheat on him. Any relationship has a possibility of an affair. It is just a chance everyone has to take when they enter into a relationship with another person. I really do not believe that I would ever cheat on my boyfriend. I would break it off before if I felt I wanted to be romantically involved with another person.

I got worried this weekend when my boyfriend called and I mentioned that I had a different guy friend at my house visiting. Let me first explain, as I have several times to my boyfriend, that this guy is from my church group, is twice my age, and I refer to him as my "adopted dad". Well, anyway, my boyfriend felt that I shouldn't have a guy of any age at my house because, again, guys are only out to sleep with women. After explaining the situation once again, he did say he was ok with it. I have tried inviting my boyfriend to my church group's potluck get together so he can meet these people I refer to as "family", but for other reasons, he did not come. As Ruth stated in her posting # 13, I am afraid that at some point in the future this is not acceptable either.

Please let me know what you think now that you've heard my side of the story. Thanks!

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