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This has to do with two of my relationships one with my boyfriend and one with my mom.

Well here is the situation I live with my mom I'm 23 and I have 2 daughters. I graduated from college in january so I do have an education. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 months and everything is great the only problem is is that he thinks I am too dependent on my mom. I live with her not out of needing her but becuase I am unable to support my children and myself.

Yesterday I was offered a postion at IBM ( which totally rocks ) the only problem is the postion starts at 5am and I need to take the bus to get there and they dont run early enough to get me there on time. I take the bus becuase when i was young i was hit by a car and I have a fear of driving.

My boyfriend is perfectly happy taking me there before he goes to work but my mom hates him and doesnt want him in her house so that means I'm screwed because my mom is unable to help me get to work.

Here is the part I need help with my boyfriend has a place he lives in the basement apartment of his friends house. His friend and him told me that they want me and my girls to go live with them, which is really nice. But there are so many factors that make me unsure of this, his friend is married with two kids, and as of tonight my bf will be getting his two boys for the summer and if I move in there will be my two daughters. I just would feel terrible if this family as sweet and abliging as they are would have to deal with four additional kids on top of there two. And the basement apartment is kinda gross it does have its own kitchen which is cool but there is no private enterence so we have to go through the top of the house to get into the basement and bother the family. Here is another reason for my doubts right now we live in a beautiful house in Arvada and this house is in Greeley anyone who lives in or has been to colorado knows what a huge step down in areas that is. I also registered my daughter in kindergarten in a great school and I really dont want her to go to a greeley school they are not nearly as good as the ones in arvada.

Now here comes the issue with my mom she still thinks she can control my life but since she has done so much for me I allow her to have more say in my decisions than she should. She told me that if I moved out of her house she would try to take the girls from me. So I know if I told her about this situation she would flip out. But if I go to nasty greeley with my boyfriend I would be able to work at IBM if I dont then I get take the job.

What should I do, go or stay. I really need some help with this.
Thanks for any advice.
Robyn
Jezzz! By the time I finished putting together my post, you guys already beat me to it! Well, I will just add to the rhetoric.

You say your mom doesnít want him in your house. If he is just picking you up and taking you to work, why would he need to come in her house unless he doesnít know and you havenít told him about how she feels. Why canít he just pick you up outside? Honk the horn or if he has a cell phone, call you a couple of minutes before he arrives so you wonít have him waiting outside for long.

Iím sorry to hear about your accident but you really need to overcome your fear of driving. There is nothing to it. It will give you the independence you really need to start your new job and a career. You worked hard to get an education donít let the fear of driving hold you back. You can overcome that fear.

I donít know why he is cutting you down for still being somewhat dependent on your mother. He may live on his own but from what you described, it ainít much to brag about. A basement apartment rented out to him by his friend. If he canít afford his own real nice apartment, then he is not as financially independent as he may think. I am not saying this to put him down but it seems to me, his comment is not all that justified considering his position. Does he have a job? Make that, does he have a good job? Does he have a good education if he doesnít have a job?

When you take into consideration all the issues involved, I think you are better off staying with your mom. She has helped support you up to this point and the kids are well taken care of. It seems like she is a person you can count on to really help you out even though at the present time, you canít have everything your way. Get your career going first and take care of your girls. Your boyfriend should come last.

Please donít take your kids away from their comfortable living environment and put them in some dive place like a basement apartment. If you do, you are not moving up, you are moving down and taking your kids with you.

If you do move in with your boyfriend, who is suppose to watch the kids while everyone is at work? How old are your boyfriendís two boys? How well do you know those two boys? Do you really want and can you trust your two girls alone with them or any of the other individuals involved such as the two other kids?

I donít think your mother is trying to control your life as much as she is trying to advice you on what is best for you and your girls in the present situation you are currently in. I myself donít like the situation of you moving in with your boyfriend with your kids even though your mother really has no legal venue to take your daughters away from you under normal circumstances. I hope you donít let that issue get to a point where it will jeopardize your relationship with your mother. Whatever you may think, I think she is really looking out for the best interest of your daughters and you should appreciate that.

If the problem really is with getting to work in the mornings, why donít you try to find out if you can carpool with someone who works at IBM and lives close by. Talk to your new supervisor at work and explain your situation and see if he will allow you to come in to work based on the earliest scheduled bus run and stay later if it is possible.





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