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Relationship Health Message Board

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Okay, here's the deal. My husband has worked at a large factory for almost 4 years. He has always wanted to move up in position, such as to team leader and managerial positions. Every time he had the opportunity, he went out for these positions, and every time he was turned down for one reason or another. Most of the reasons were unfair, and I'm not just saying that because he's my husband. They would tell him he needed to learn more about the different departments, then hire a manager off the street. That's why I say unfair reasons.

For over two years this went on. Them telling him to learn more, so he moved from department to department. Them telling him to read certain books so he did. Them telling him to take business classes so he even did that. Still he was turned down. I don't work there so I have no idea how he performs his job, therefore I have no idea what the REAL reason could be of why he was continually turned down. According to a very good friend of ours who is a manager there, there was no reason why they should have kept turning my husband down, other than they must just not like him. Who knows. After being turned down many many times, something happened where he was put in a situation of turning someone in for doing something wrong, and that person getting fired. He did the right thing by turning this person in, but the majority of the employees started hating him, and it ruined his chances of EVER becoming management.

Okay, since he found out that he has no chance whatsoever, he has become extremely unhappy with his job. I can understand this, but I think he needs to understand that the actual job hasn't changed, it's his attitude that has changed. He wants to find another job as soon as possible, even if it means taking a 4 or 5 dollar an hour pay cut.

Here's the dilemma. We are both 28 (me, almost), and have an 8 year old daughter and a 6 week old daughter. We also have a mortgage and all the bills that go along with being an adult. Cars, utilities, etc. I am a cosmetologist and am going back to work on Tuesday from maternity leave, but my job does not pay much, and I have no benefits. In the town we live in, the job he has pays better than almost anything else he could find. He has decent benefits also. As it is, even when I work full time, we live paycheck to paycheck like most people. Right now we are behind on bills and are desperately trying to catch them up. My car was recently totaled in the storms as well, so now we have to get another one. We have a new baby. I don't see how he thinks we could afford to take a 4 or 5 dollar an hour pay cut. He uses the excuse that since we quit smoking (a little over a month ago) that we are saving $400.00 a month. This is true but we are still behind on our major bills and taking a pay cut is not going to help that.

I don't want him to be unhappy. I want him to have a job that he at least likes, but the problem is, he has always had trouble with jobs in the past. He has worked at almost every place in town from the time he was 16 and that is not an exaggeration. Every time something happens that ticks him off at a job, he's suddenly "done" with that job. Mind you he has been really good with his current job, and has worked there alot longer than any other job he has ever had. He has grown up alot since we have been together, which is about 5 years now. (He legally adopted "our" oldest daughter)

We don't spend our money on going out, we don't have frivolous bills such as numerous credit cards or furniture payments, things like that. We are hard working people just trying to get ahead. We are also thinking of selling the place we live now and moving, but due to certain circumstances, our mortgage payment would go up at least 50 to 100 dollars a month. We had a long talk the other night about all this and I told him all this, but he wants me to be more sympathetic about him being unhappy at his job. I was at first but now that is all he talks about. It gets old hearing it all the time. Especially since I don't know what to tell him since we can't afford to take a pay cut. He has taken his test trying to be a corrections officer at a local prison, which would be an excellent job, he just hasn't heard anything yet. He has also expressed interest in wanting to be a cop, but I don't know if I could deal with being married to a cop. I did call the other day though and found out they are not accepting applications right now. Also, moving is out of the question as both of our families live here and I won't move away from them.

He has also been scaring me with talk about starting his own business. This scares me because I know for one the things he's mentioned he has no passion for, and for two, this town is overrun with "small businesses" like he's talking about and would make no money for years, if at all. There is just too much competition. I told him if he wants to pursue that route, at least go into something he has a passion about. The problem is, he would have to go back to school, which is nearly impossible right now.

I want him to be happy, I just don't know what to tell him. Seriously there are very few jobs around where he could make the same amount of money without schooling. He would love to go back to school but with me going back to work and us having a new baby, it's almost impossible right now. Am I being unreasonable? Is he? Anyone have any suggestions, questions, comments, advice? Anything would be appreciated. I don't want to be an unsupportive wife but I also know we have to support our kids and pay our bills. Someone please help. Thanks and sorry this is so lengthy.

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