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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Can't let Go
Jun 13, 2004
I have been going through something similar lately, but this man and yourself have a stronger history and seem to know one another better. Still, your ex bf said point blank that he was'nt ready to "see/date" you again. That's all I would need to be told. He still seems willing to sleep with you, so I guess it is up to you, whether you want to continue sleeping with him, not knowing if he will ever come around, giving him the power here, and feeling this miserable while you hang in limbo. Why should he commit to getting back together with you if you are giving him everything that you gave him while *IN* the relationship...and then he can resume the freedom to do whatever he wants? It's a win-win for him. The next time he says, I'm sick, come over...I would say, "Why? I'm not your girlfriend. I'm sure there's someone else you can call." You are *NOT* his girlfriend in his mind, so don't act as if or tell yourself that you are. In the end, if you don't get back together, you will only be hurt by the things you've erroneously allowed yourself to believe. He won't be...he has not allowed himself to believe anything differently than what he has stated.

On a more philosophical note, you said that you desperately loved your old bf and now you are crazy about this one. There's nothing wrong with being passionate about things, but have you ever tried going it alone? Constants are comforting but that does'nt mean they are good. I think that a lot of women (men too) get easily addicted to drama if something else is lacking in their lives, or if there is something else in their lives that they are trying to avoid. They use that source of drama...usually a side step the other problem. To ultimately be successful in this, they must focus on the new source of drama 100%. This takes every ounce of their energy that they have. Eventually to be without, they don't know what to do with themselves or where to funnel all that engergy. They go through a withdrawal, because the only thing that will return them to their own version of normal--which is actually high anxiety--is more drama. These men might be stand ins for other hurts in your life that were never addressed.

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