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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=cdjcpc]Maybe this is the time to lay it all on the line. You need to tell him that your are being confused by his mixed emotions about his ex and that it's affecting your views on the relationship and how you feel about him. You need to be honest about what you're feeling and why. You also need to be honest with him. You can't expect him to know what you're feeling unless you spell it out very clearly. Let him know that you aren't happy feeling like you're someone he settled for because the one he wants isn't available. If he can't come to terms with the fact it's over (and OVER should mean OVER) with the ex, then you may need to separate for a while until you both have come to terms with this issue and he's decided to let go of the emotional baggage. It's not fair to either of you or your relationship.[/QUOTE]

I have told him how I feel many many times but he just says that I am very insecure and doesn't want to discuss it. He says I take everything personally and get too upset, but I can't help it because I want to be the one for him and I can't handle hearing how wonderful she was. I have told him many times that I feel like the fill in girl and that he has settled for me and he just says I am crazy and that is the end of the conversion. I don't know how to have an open and honest conversion with someone who is not willing to be open and honest.
[QUOTE=lolliegirl]I have told him how I feel many many times but he just says that I am very insecure and doesn't want to discuss it. He says I take everything personally and get too upset, but I can't help it because I want to be the one for him and I can't handle hearing how wonderful she was. I have told him many times that I feel like the fill in girl and that he has settled for me and he just says I am crazy and that is the end of the conversion. I don't know how to have an open and honest conversion with someone who is not willing to be open and honest.[/QUOTE]

Ok, here's my question...Are you comparing yourself to her or is he? You may be setting yourself up for failure if you are taking what he says about her and automatically making a comparison. Your insecurities may be getting the best of you and you might need to agree not to discuss her at all.

If he's making the comparisons then there's an obvious problem because no matter how much you talk, you'll never be her, nor should you try to be.

I agree that you can't have a conversation with someone who is not willing to be open and honest, but be careful what you ask for. It sounds like he's been honest about how he feels about this girl and you weren't quite prepared to hear it. That may be why he's shutting down when you try to talk to him now. He may be avoiding these conversations to protect your feelings and he may not understand what it is that he needs to do for you to feel more secure.





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