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Relationship Health Message Board


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What are your thoughts?
You can love someone from you parents to your cat. But being in love I think is more extreme. Some people refer to it as the honeymoon phase. It's a roller coaster ride of physical and emotional release. Eventually, the feeling fades into something less consuming. With any luck the relationship evolves into a comfortable mix of friendship and respect, not to mention love.

So why do you ask?
[QUOTE=seawater]You can love someone from you parents to your cat. But being in love I think is more extreme. Some people refer to it as the honeymoon phase. It's a roller coaster ride of physical and emotional release. Eventually, the feeling fades into something less consuming. With any luck the relationship evolves into a comfortable mix of friendship and respect, not to mention love.
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I agree... being in love and to love someone are two very different things. You love your parents, your family, your friends, but you don't fall in love with them... (well there are exceptions LOL)...

SOL
I agree with previous posters.

I love my family but am not in love with them.

I love my man and would say " I am so in love with you" but would I say that to my dad? Uh, no -not unless I wanted to star on Jerry Springer.

LOL
I think another thing to consider is that with Family, we don't choose them. We inherit them. We love them because they've always been their for us, helped us, etc. but we never chose these people. I think we love them for everything they do/did for us, but to be in love with someone is far different. Usually when you fall in love with someone, you're seeing some of the qualitites that you hold dear in that person. Meaning, you get attracted by a certain person because that person has the qualitites you aspire to find in another human being.
Minnesota Bob, that is so true. You don't choose your family and they are usually their for us. They hurt us in different ways. But when the person you are in love with hurts you, it is a different kind of hurt and it hurts in such a different kind a way that a "family hurt". Parents and children ususally loves us unconditionally. The love of a partner or spouse is so different it is supposed to be limitless but sometimes it isn't.

Falling in love with a person is such a wonderful feeling. Especially the first "honeymoon stage" or the stage where they still give you the butterflies. You sure can't get those feelings from family. :)
Well, I think the difference is pretty obvious, but if you're asking because someone gave you this line "I love you but I'm not in love with you," all you should hear is "I'm not in love with you." This line always means they don't really love you and most likely will be on their merry way soon. Hope this helps.
Love to me is just a term rather than a word. There is really no true definition of it because everyone will have there own opinion on what it means.

To be honest I am still trying to seeks the true meaning of the word but I use it when I have deep thoughts or feeling of a person.
[QUOTE=eightball61]Love to me is just a term rather than a word. There is really no true definition of it because everyone will have there own opinion on what it means.

To be honest I am still trying to seeks the true meaning of the word but I use it when I have deep thoughts or feeling of a person.[/QUOTE]


That is very well said. Everyone does have their own definition of love. Some people confuse love with obsessions. Maybe they have never been "in love". Some just obsess over a person and call that loving them when it isn't. To me love is having a person in your life that you care so deeply about that when they are away from you you feel empty or incomplete, then when you see them your heart pounds so hard you think it is going to jump out of your chest. They are your best friend, your lover and confidant. You always feel comfortable with them-you can share anything with them.
Love is more of a platonic state of caring deeply for someone, whereas being IN love is a romantic, exciting extention of love. Both can fade and both can last.
[QUOTE=lulise]TOTALLY agree here! Even after being together for 2 years, when getting ready for a date with my bf I still get all anxious and excited. And when he finally arrives I am all giddy in that happy nervous sorta way. And his kisses still give me butterflies. But at the same time I am more comfortable than ever when he is around. It's great.[/QUOTE]


When my b/f walks through the door I still get the butterflies. Or when I drive to his house, I am still anxious and excited about seeing him. We live an hour apart. He says he gets them too. His kisses, his touches give me butterflies. So I know how you feel. there is nothing better than spending time with him.
For me, I think being in love with someone as opposed to just loving them is when you are willing to meld with them. I mean, you become someone other than who you are when you are alone and single. Youmake compromises, you make room in your life for that person, you become one with them, and it's not an effort.
I didn't meet my husband until I was 34 - and I just knew somehow that there was something special there between us. I loved him as a friend, boyfriend & fiance.
But it wasn't until I stood at the back of church and saw him actually standing at the front of the church that I fell totally truly in love with him!!
If I ask myself what changed in that one moment I would say that I gained faith in him being there for me - trust, security - not things most people connect with their view of being "in love".
15 yrs later I'm still ga-ga in love with the man!
I think my definition of "in love" and "love" are different from all of yours, but here it is:

Being "in love" is an emotional state, something that YOU experience from seeing that significant other or being touched by him/her. It's filled with all those "Cloud 9" feelings that everyone speaks of. However, it's a self-focused and temporary state, and I would much prefer to have the second "love" instead.

"Love" is a choice and an action. Whether it's your mom or your significant other, to love someone means to do something for someone else to give THEM the experience of being loved. It's other-focused and puts others above yourself. In romantic relationships, it means choosing to accept and appreciate a person in spite of their faults and their idiosyncracies, and demonstrating this acceptance through one's behavior and attitude towards them.

I am still "in love" with my SO, but I can definitely say that I love him, even on days when he says things that unintentionally hurt my feelings, or when he leaves his dirty socks lying on the ground, or when he shows me sides of himself that aren't so attractive and appealing. LIkewise, he loves me in spite of me. :) That's why I like "loving" better than just being in love.
[QUOTE=elaine0809]When my b/f walks through the door I still get the butterflies. Or when I drive to his house, I am still anxious and excited about seeing him. We live an hour apart. He says he gets them too. His kisses, his touches give me butterflies. So I know how you feel. there is nothing better than spending time with him.[/QUOTE]

haha. i was like that with my ex!! We lived together for 5 years but everytime I looked at him was like the first time i'd ever seen him. He was SO georgous - inside and out - i just was crazy about him.

When we were out, a few people asked if we'd just started dating coz we were so into each other and would be shocked when we told them "no, we've lived together for 4 years!!!"
I agree too with alot of the posters here.

I will add that I Loved my ex husband but was not in love with him, I "TRIED" to love him like a woman should love her husband, but I couldn't it was not fair to HIM or to myself, I ended up hurting him.

We do tend to confuse what love is and as Jeff/Eighball posted everyone has their own opinion of what Love Is.

For those of you who know the difference, MY hat off to you - because it tooked me longer to figure it out and now I finally do know the difference and there is a Big Difference. :)
[QUOTE=GirlHarley]
We do tend to confuse what love is and as Jeff/Eighball posted everyone has their own opinion of what Love Is.

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You are right and people do confuse the two and I have notice posters have confused me too :D

I am naturally blond so I am alaways confused. ;)





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