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Whats wrong with me
Jul 25, 2004
My first serious relationship began about three years ago.
He was great, we spent every day of two years together, if not always on the phone.
He was my bestest friend, i could talk to him about everything, things were so natural.
At the end of the two years, i found out he was starting to cheat on me with a girl.
I broke up with him.
Hurt so much.
The girl started to stalk me, not entirely, but often followed me, left me abusive messages on my car, phone, everywhere, she wouldnt leave me alone, and would spread gossip about me.
I asked my ex boyfriend to tell her to stop, he didnt.
I asked him why she was doing this.
He replied that he didnt know.
She had an obsession with me.
I failed my exams that year, didnt get into the college i dreamed of, and started to suffer from a little depression.

After six months of hurt, I got to know another guy.
He was different, quiet, kind and understanding.
He knew my ex boyfriend and of what had happened.
I started to date him.
I was even close to him than I was to my ex boyfriend.
He treated me so good. He often told me that Id never find another guy like him.
I fell in love with him.
He seemed so true.
He was so angry at that girl and my ex for what they had done to me. esp the girl, as she had stalked me, hurt me.
Then after about 7 months, he started to get moody, and often abuse me (mentally). He really hurt me. But I loved him, and because we had started to think about getting married, I forgave him, I wanted to work at this.
I felt so good!!
For one week, I had his phone.
He recieved alot of calls and messages, from a girl I presumed.
I found out it was that girl that my ex boyfriend had cheated on me with.
I asked my boyfriend about it and he said he didnt want to tell me because it would upset me, but that she was hassling him.
I believed him.

In the end, I broke things off because he was telling everyone, everyone I knew, that I had made his family breakup, cause his parents to divorce, that I constantly cheated on him, that I abused him, I sold the presents he brought me out of spite and the list continues!

I needed a break at least!
But all of a sudeen he broke off contact with me altogether.
I found this strange as he kept telling me how madly in love he was with me, and that he wanted to start having kids with me, marry me.

I found out that for months on end, he was cheating on me with the girl that my first boyfriend cheated on me with.
Things fit started to make sense.
He told me often he would be going out with a friend called adam. But all the time he was going out with that girl.

What made things worse was that he was the first guy I made love with.

It killed me to find out, especially after I couldnt talk to him about it.
I found out from my friends, they had known for months but didnt want to tell me as they were his friends as well.

Now I have no friends.
I feel so hurt.

I dont know whether to go counselling because this is only now starting to get to me.

I have not spoken to him for almost two months now.
I dont love him, i did love him so much, poured my heart, soul, body and mind into him.
Only to get burned again.

Im so scared now.

I feel raped by him, as things werent real, he didnt love me, no trust, things were fake.

I hate my insides.

I swear, I have never done anything wrong, nothing to deserver anyting like this.

Why does it keep happening?

What sort of person am i?

Cant talk to fmaily about this, as they always disliked my latest boyfriend, they wouldnt understand.

I have no friends- as yu can understand why.

I dont want to talk about this really to anyone, hurts too much.

Just want to know what other people think- why does this happen to a person who does no wrong?
I must be wrong, in the head!!

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