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Relationship Health Message Board

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My boyfriend of one year is so mean to me all the time and I know I need to leave him but Im having trouble doing so,I always end up going back to him.Ill give you some examples of what he does.The other day we went swimming down at a river and when we got there he asked me where his water shoes were and I said "I dunno,didnt you grab them from your truck? You know,since hes a big boy and can grab his own shoes and he freaked out at me about how I didnt grab them and he said he had asked me to grab them,which he clearly did not and he made me feel bad about it.He has the worst temper tantrums ever about everything and somehow he always makes what hes mad about out to be my fault somehow and Im actually starting to believe what he says.He tells me that Im the reason hes mad all the time even though Im a calm person and Im always the one who calms his down when hes mad and talks us through fights.I dont do anything wrong to him,when we talk on the phone and he tells me he did something that day I will ask questions about it,just cuz I like it when ppl ask ME questions about stuff I tell them and he gets all mad and says Im interrogating him all the time,even though Iam not at all,Im just making conversation.If you dont ask questions how the hell can you have a conversation??? I have broke up with him before but I went back (that was before he was a jerk,I just missed him cuz at first he acted like a great guy) but that was all just a front.It makes me mad that he acts so nice around everyone else but really he is a very mean person and is very cruel to the ones that love him most.I know I need to leave but I just feel like if I break up with him that it wont be over and I know how much breaking up hurts so in a way I dont want to go through it again but I know this guy is wrong for me.Hes so unrealistic too.He told me that his parents have NEVER EVER EVER had a fight before and his mom only yelled at his dad once and that was cuz she had pms but other then that they never fight and he says thats what a relationship should be abd I told him yeah,that would be nice but its not realistic,especially for a freak show like him but for some reason its my fault that he and I argue,apparently he says Im the aggressor which Iam not.He plays so many games too.Like right now hes playing the non chelant game where he pretends he doesnt care about me and what I say but I know if I broke uo with him he would come crying back and then change for the better for a while and then turn into his old self.Im 19 and he is 20 is that matter...

How do you do it? How do you leave and somehow convince yourself that your better off without him? I know Iam but hes SOMEONE there that I have and that means something but I know hes not the one.Do you know what I mean when I say I have SOMEONE there? it doesnt nessicarily matter who?

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