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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hi everyone, Im new to this board... as a matter of fact, Im new to the whole concept of ''message board'' in general... I found this site on google and decided to register because I thought maybe I could find some help here... that some of you could get me some advice or thoughts or anything... Im realy desperate and I came to a point where I dont know what to do anymore... I just cant find a cure for the pain I have inside... so here I am...

Well, I guess I will start by introducing myself... first of all I think I should say that french is my first language... I understand english 100% but I have some trouble expressing myself in english, so I'm sorry if what I will say wont make senses all the time or if you cant understand everything Im trying to say. Stil, I think its a good idea for me because at least nobody I know will come across what I just wrote...So I am a 22 years old guy... I have lots of great friends who are always here for me when I need it... But I think right now they just cant stands listening to my relationship problems anymore... and I undrestand them... My story is probably something realy common... but believe me, for me, its not that simple... its destroying myself, its always on my mind... I just need help...

so here it goes...

Ive always been the type of guy who ''fixes'' on a girl for a long time... who falls in love and just cant do anything about it... but I never had a real girlfriend/relationship untill recently... it all started 3 years ago, when I met this girl at school. Wow... when I saw her I was so amazed... she was the girl of my dream, she was everything I needed... she was... perfect... She had a boyfriend at the time but still, I was in deep love with her... and the more I knew about her, the more I loved her.... The relationship she had with her boyfriend at the time wasnt doing so well... I was there to help her, give her advice about what she should do... I was there to listen to all her problems, sadness and problems she had with him... And I was glad to do it because I loved her... and she knew it. after about a year I knew her, I told her my feelings... even if she was still with her boyfriend... thats when the problems started... She loved me as a realy close friend or maybe as a sister/brother relationship, and I was in complete love with her... We were always togheter... at school, after school, in the weekend's... and if we weren't togheter, it was because we were talking to each other on msn messenger for hours. Always except for when it started to turn bad... She left her boyfriend on december 2002... at this moment, I knew her for about a year... But since she has been with him for 3 years, she wasnt ready for a serious relationship and she needed some time alone... But then I found out she had a new boyfriend... she didnt told me because she was affraid to tell me and she didnt want me to be sad or anything since the guy was more a rebound than anything... But when I learned about him, I got mad and decided that I didnt want to talk to her anymore... I made that choice probably because I thought it would help me to stop feeling the pain I had... but it didnt... She left the guy a few weeks later because she didnt love him and she missed me... we then got into the whole recounciliation thing and, that night, we were in a bar with friends and were under the influence... wich kinda help us share our feelings and emotion...thats the first time we kissed and slept togheter... And that was the best moment of my life... a moment I will never forget... the sensation I had when I was holing her in my harm... It was so perfect... but it that night of magic didnt make us a couple... She wasnt realy in love wiht me... she was in love with the love I had to offer I guess... she was in love wiht our complicity and with my passion for her... But after that night, I needed more... I had a small taste of what love could realy be... and it was just so perfect...

so it all started to where we were before.... for a whole year I guess, our relationship was based on fight, reconciliation, a few weeks of good moments (and I dont mean sex or anything, just good time togheter... going out and having fun...) and then fight again... until I decided to try something not realy honnest and maybe not brilliant... I told her I met an other girl... (wich was not true... well, the girl existed but I didnt care at all for her)... But at this moment, she started acting differently... like if that situation made her realize she realy loved me... (we are now in november 2003) And thats what she told me... .that she loved me... wow... I just couldnt believe it... it was the best moment of my life... its hard to describe it, especialy since english is my second language! but believe me, I coulndt ask for more... beeing with her as been my reason of living since so long and finaly, the moment I was waiting for was happeining... Holding her in my harms was like a little piece of paradise for me... I would have done anything for her... anyting... but our relation wasnt doing well at all.... She wasnt ready for that I guess... we were still fighting because we both have a the same caractere... we were fighing for small thing but mainly because she was more independant than I was... I wanted to see her every night and she prefered to see me one or tree nights a week.. we were still going to school togheter, but its not the same at school and when we can spend some time just the two of us... anyway, 3 months later, I couldnt stand the relationship anymore... I wasnt happy... I loved her wiht all my heart but the way she treated me, the fact that she was always seems to find excuses not to see me... I decided it was enough when she told me she needed a guy who can say ''no'' to her and who doesnt do anything she wants him to do.... (!!??!!!) but the fact is, I was glad to ne nice with her all the time... I was glad to do things for her when she asked me... I was more than glad, it made me happy.... I loved her so much...

then we didnt see each other for a whole month... I was realy depressed and was thinking of her all the time... so I wrote her to tell her I missed him... we went back togheter for about two weeks... this time it was perfect... until after two weeks, for no reason, she said it couldnt work for us, that she needed some time alone...

I then started the biggest depression of my life... I couldnt stand living without her... the memories, the good times we had, I coulnt stop crying and crying and thinking about her... I was tinking about suicide, I saw a psychologist but it didnt help at all...

a month later I was doing a bit better... so I started talking to her again at school sometimes... she told me she had a boyfriend... I thought I could deal with that and try to keep a frienship relation between us, because I missed her so much and needed to be with her... at any cost.. I thought that untill the day I saw them togheter... I then lost all my senses... I didnt know how to react... a mix of extreme sadness and madness... it was in a bar, I was under the influence of alchool so it didnet help... I yelled at the guy... she slapped me a couple of time... I cried for two days... and never saw her again... that happened in may of this year...

3 months have passed since that day... I've been throught all sort of emotion since that day... but one thing is for sure, I jsut cant forget her... no matter how hard I try... I try meeting other girls, I try to remember the insanity of our relation and all the pain I've been throught these years.... nothing to do... every day, every hour... I think about her... I wake up in the night to realized I had dream about us beeing toghether again... that happens almost every night since that very day... since 3 months... I miss her so much... sometimes I cant do anything start crying just thinking about her, about the good times we had, the times we laugh for hours... the times I was holding her in my harms... The only thing I know about her is that the guy she was at that moment left him...

I would do anything to be with her again, to see her smile again and hold her and kiss her... I dont know what to do... it has become an obsession and I cant do anything about it... my friends are tired of me telling them how much I miss her and to see me cry or beein depressed all the time... so I try to hide my pain when Im with them but it is still inside me...

I need her... I miss her so much... I'm scared I wont be able to love anyone else... in fact, I dont even want to be with any other girl... I've tried but just cant...

what should I do??... I'm completely lost in all of this... I just want to be happy again...





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