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[QUOTE=soulster]Kay good post. although I dont know if Nini will like it too much at first. I was just thinking that maybe you might not be giving other guys a fair chance??? Have you met anyone face to face and actually been on a physical date? I just cant believe that from all the dates you have been on in these last 7 years that no one has expressed an interest in you??? Maybe you are comparing all these guys to your ex and by doing that you become dissapointed before even giving them a chance?? I dont know I am just thinking of some things that might be going on so that if they are it might help you out some.[/QUOTE]

Let's see, trying to asnwer the last two posts at the same time...Kay asked what am I afraid of? Not sure to what this is referring, but actually, when I go out on a date, the first thing I think is "what if he likes me more than I like him then I have to do the awful, dreaded "let's just be friends" speech." I just hate having to do that. I don't know, I'm a big believer in chemistry. Not love at first sight, but I really just have to feel "something" within the first date or two. I mean, after you've had a nice dinner, nice conversation, and you still just don't want to kiss him, even though you haven't kissed anyone in 7 years, that's not saying much. But if you meant what am I most afraid of in life, generally, it would be being alone for the rest of it.

Now, regarding have I given these guys a chance? Yes, I think I have. I went out with one man, actually when my ex and I were on a "just friends" period, and I really enjoyed the date, the restaurant was great, and the little place he took me to afterward for drinks was great, but he was just a little over the top. I don't like to practice my religion out in the open so blatently, I hold pretty firmly to Matthew 6:5 and 6:6, and he was one of these guys who wanted to hold hands and say grace out loud right there at the table, he liked city life whereas I would never want to raise kids in the city, suburban schools are much better, etc. and I was a little put off by his comment that Demi Moore "prostituted herself" in her movie Striptease. That started a conversation on male and female roles in society, and we had some pretty serious parting of the ways on that issue, so I just didn't press it. I just wasn't feeling it. I don't know, did I give this guy a fair chance? I think I did. I mentioned in another thread a few months back about another guy I dated who told me about his "first time" when he and his cousin took turns on some girl, then he told me I had nice breasts, then asked me if I was stubborn, and I was truthful and admitted a bit of a stubborn streak and he muttered "well, you blew that one." And he carried on a little about my hair being black, because I told him on the phone it was dark brown, and he said I reminded him of his ex fiance and he was freaking out because of it. Did I give him a fair shot? Well, I think I did. I've met men that I have been attracted to, that I would like to date, but they're always already married or hooked up, or just not interested. You're welcome to your opinion that it's impossible to hide my pain and people pick up on it, but I respectfully disagree. I let it all hang out here on these boards. My brother and my mother have both commented on how strange and amazing it is that I can sound so happy and up when talking to other people, because they know this side of me too, but they both have admitted that I hide it very very well when I want to. I am never anything but up, smiling and jovial on dates, but not overly so.

Am I looking for my ex? Well, that would be more than a little self-defeating, yes? It didn't work with my ex, so why would I look for someone else just like him? No, I don't believe that's what I'm doing. I'm just looking for a nice guy who doesn't bore me to tears, likes some of the same things I do, can keep a conversation going, and who I find attractive. I know that not-great looking guys can become cuter when you get to know how great they are, which is why I went out on my last date even though I wasn't really attracted to his picture, I though maybe he'd look better in person, or maybe if he didn't, he'd be so cool that I wouldn't care what he looked like. Then I found out on the date that, although music is my life, he doesn't even listen to the radio. He was carrying a book by some author I'd never heard of, and he's conservative and I'm more liberal. Even so, I was open to another date, but he emailed me and said he was going to pursue another relationship, see ya.

So, I don't know. You could be right, but if so, I just don't see where I'm bleeding from every pore in front of these guys, trying to make them my ex, not giving them a chance, etc. I wish you could see me in some social situation. Believe me, you wouldn't recognize me. Just, ever since I was a little girl, people just aren't drawn to me. I don't know why. They just never have been. There have only been two or three people in my entire life outside my parents and brothers that I have achieved any sort of emotional intimacy with. My ex was one such person. The thing I miss the most is our conversations. Even when we would disagree, I could talk to him for hours and love every minute of it. Am I looking for that? I mean, it was one of those relationships where we finished each other's sentences, or one of us would tell a joke or see something on tv, and everyone else in the room would be like "huh? ok" and we'd be the only two cracking up. Once you've had that, it's hard to imagine never having it again. Yes, I guess you could say that's the one thing about my last relationship that I would like to recapture, is someone I can talk with, have a connection with. But doesn't everyone want that? I suppose what makes this hard for me is that before I met my ex, I was resigned to living my whole life alone. I had gone through high school, college, all of my 20s without being kisses, without a date at all, so I had accepted that that's just the way it was going to be. Then I got a little taste of what I was missing, and like Hugh Grant said in Notting Hill, "it's as if I'd taken love heroine and I can never have it again." I can't go back to being ok with living the rest of my life alone again, and I can't find another SO. which puts me in a pretty sucky place.

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