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Hey All,

I have touched on this subject on the Pregnancy board but I figured I'd try again here but in a more detailed way.

My girlfriend has been all over the place during her pregnancy, and I have become the whipping boy about everything. There have been a few times here & there where things seem to be on track but they seem to revert back very quickly. I know she is having all the typical fears that go along with being pregnant, and her mom is back & forth with her in terms of being supportive of her, though her dad is better in that regard, none the less it's not easy. I am very sympathetic about what she has to deal with, but I am having a very hard time dealing with the lashing out at me, especially when she says that we should break up & not be "together" during this time. It makes no sense to me, and makes even less sense when I try to get her to explain it to me, so I don't even bother anymore.

2 weeks ago we talked it out, or so I thought. She said it had more to do with her mom's lack of support with the added parts of herself not thinking she will be a good mother to our child, not being a good girlfriend & more to me, thinking I won't want to be intimate with her anymore when she's full blown out pregnant, I won't see her as anything more than a "mother" when our baby is born. And fearing the way she has handled things with me will come back to haunt her.

I tried my best to reassure her on everyone of those subjects, and she should know me better than that anyways, snd she says it's her hormones & was sorry.

I felt it was a good talk, we had a break through & were moving forward. Now we are 2 weeks later, pretty much to the day & it's back the way it was again. And she keeps saying that we shouldn't be together, and lets do this as friends.

I want to justify things again by believing in the whole hormones thing & the lack of support from her mother, and general fears, but it's taking a heavy toll on me. In all honesty, I don't know what to believe from one day to the next. It's stressful enough going through a pregnancy as the father to be than having all this continually being an issue. I really thought us finding out that we were going to become parents would have brought us closer than ever before, and strengthening the bond we already have, but instead it's driving a wedge between us.

Another element I would like to add is there is a guy she talks to online, and has for 3 years from my understanding, and at some point back in the Spring he made it known that he has feelings for her. I think that is unfair of him to do so, especially when she's involved with someone. He supposedly felt guilty for admitting it said he'd back off & leave her alone, but she trying to be nice said it wasn't necessary. But I feel as if this is playing a role in things, mainly cause she talks to him still, and talks about us & what we are going through. I for one feel it is none of his business, and don't even like the fact she talks to him at all him trying to make a move. I made my feelings known on that at the time, and she more or less was insensitive in how I felt. I kind of wonder if he is still pursuing her? And if that is the case, why would he when she is pregnant with our child? And why would she even let someone try & get close to her while we are going through it? I might be way off, but I am wondering & it's a subject that causes alot of trouble when I try to talk about it. She even goes as far as to say, don't ask me to stop talking to him. But to me, if this guy is still pursuing her especially when she talks about things to do with us, it's easy for him to play the super good guy & say I wouldn't do this, or I owuldn't do that or this is what I'd do, etc etc etc. It really messes with things, especially considering she is pregnant & already emotional as it is. And of course that leads to trouble with she & I.

Also she tells everyone our business in her daily life, and as luck would have it, the two main one's she confides in have either been in bad relationships or are currently in one. I feel as if she only gets very jaded & bad advice because of that, and that contributes to alot of this. To me those are not exactly the people you want to talk to. I think talking to people if you really need to, it should be with those who have a more positive point of view & get you to see that maybe you are wrong or show you how you can go about things better or reassure you on things, rather than someone who is bitter on relationships & love who won't have a nice thing to say at all, and it will make you feel like they are confirming your thoughts instead of being objective.

Last point, I trusted her through out our whole relationship, especially when it came to the really important things, like when we talked about what would happen if we were ever to get pregnant in the unplanned sense. She always said that she'd want to do things the right way, be together, live together, get married & be a family. It was the way she was brought up, it was her morals, values & beliefs. She was an old school traditional girl. That was awesome for me because I am the same way as a guy. It made me feel more secure about having sex, as it did for her knowing that we were on the same page if anything were to happen. We both preferred to do things in a planned way (get engaged, married, live together, then kids), but this was how we'd do things if it didn't work out that way. Now I feel if she is going back on everything we had talked about in terms of this, well that means I was lied to, betrayed & mislead. Believe it or not, I wouldn't have taken the risks that could lead to us getting pregnant if I knew this is how she would be come that time.

I keep thinking, how would she feel if it were me doing this? acting like this? adding needless stress? I love her, she says she loves me. We both agree the baby is a blessing & say it was created out of love.

As I said, none of what is happening is making sense to me. And the more I talk about it with her, the less it does everytime, so I don't bother anymore. I keep hoping sooner or later it will hit a point in the pregnancy, where she will start to enjoy it more than she does now apparently, and we'll finally get to share the closeness that I always thought we would during a time like this.

I know I've gone on & on here, and went all over the place. I hope what I wrote makes sense to someone, and can give me a little feedback on my situation. Just know I love her & our unborn child with more than words will ever say, and have been there for her through it all & will continue to be no matter how she treats me. I'm just looking to get my old girlfriend back, the one that was there prior to all of this, I miss her & need her.

Thanks for reading & thanks to all of those who respond,

Brutus Branyon
Hi HaleysMum,

She just this week I believe entered her second trimester.

The way I found out about this guy she talks to was by her always constantly bringing his name up in conversations, and I started to wonder who he was & she told me. She also told me that he was in a round about way causing trouble between us, and she tried to get him to stop.

I think it was one of those things where she would talk about me & us to him, and he would counter everything with how he would be, etc etc etc. She asked him why he was doing that, and he admitted he had feelings for her. Apparently he felt guilty, and wanted to back off but she as I said in my original post did the whole nice girl routine, and told him not to be hard on himself & it was okay, just put it aside & they can still be friends.

My gut told me not to trust him & I told her that, but she said I was being silly, and if I trusted her I had nothing to worry about. I asked if she would stop talking to him considering how it was making me feel, and she said no. Told me not to ask her to do that. I felt that was a very insensitive response.

Long story short, I learned again about a month ago now that he still is pursuing her & still has feelings and makes it quite known to her. Again I asked her to please stop talking to him, or at the very least take a break from it, let it cool down, but she won't. Needless to say it causes trouble between us, I don't think it is right. I know I wouldn't do that to her if the roles were reversed. And when I ask her to reverse roles with me, she takes the defensive approach & says do it if you want, I don't care. Some how I doubt she really means it, but she is a very defensive person in general when she gets questioned on anything.

When she & I met almost a year ago, I gave up talking to people online & all that stuff. I had her, I didn't need that stuff anymore. Plus to me it was more of a way to pass time when I was bored. Mainly a form of entertainment, not something to be social on & let that be my life so to speak. It boggles my mind as to why she needs it still, especially considering our situation (about to have a baby). I would think concentrating on US & getting things right on our end would be far more important.

Sorry I rambled on, but I get very riled up when I think about it. Not sure if there is any other advice you can offer me, but I appreciate your support through your response.

Thank you,

Brutus Branyon
Marriage is hard to get out of with children but in this case they are not married. He still has the time to make the proper steps he wants. I praise him if he wants to work things out in this relationship and be a good father but if he is in it just to be a father he can do that being single.

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