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I was going to post to the thread "can ex's be friends?" but it got too long to be a reply so I figured I'd just start my own...
I am having some difficulty dealing with this one aspect of my boyfriend's life- his ex.
My boyfriend was with his ex for 5 years. She has a son (with a different guy), and my bf got really attached to her son. He was basically all he had as a father figure growing up because his real dad was a jerk and didn't spend any time with him. Anyway, the relationship was very serious, but they ended up breaking up because they resented each other's lives (he felt that he couldn't enjoy his freedom because of the kid and she thought he was too "freedom-loving" for her). They stayed very close friends, though. They have been broken up for over 2 years now and I have been with him for about 8 months or so. He talks to her all the time, though. They are like a divorced couple, I swear. They care a lot about each other but argue and bicker at the same time. But every time she needs something fixed or put together, she calls him. And he runs over there to help program her VCR or whatever. She is very close with his mother and still talks to her all the time too. The thing is, when I first started seeing him, she didn't speak to him for awhile. She gets very weird sometimes (at least this is what he tells me) and just refuses to talk to him. I don't understand at all, but I have never met her or spoken to her. All I know is that I am so tired of hearing her name and her son's name. In all fairness, he told me about this from the start and I thought I'd be fine dealing with it. And 90% of the time I am fine. But every now and then he will say something like "I need to go to ****'s house to help her put together an entertainment unit", and I will just feel my blood pressure rising. I shouldn't be so jealous, I know. They broke up for good reasons and I have seen pictures of her and she is nothing to be jealous of (not to be rude). She is not even slightly moderately attractive. Not even close. But I feel like she has a part of his heart- a very important one- one that I will never have. Girls have broken up with him because of his relationship with her and their lack of ability to deal with it. I want to be the one who rises above it and reaps the rewards. Other than this, our relationship is wonderful. I am close with his family too, and he spends close to all his time with me. He confides in me, is honest with me, and I am the same way with him. We are best friends too. Is it worth it, in your opinions, to hang on and have faith? :confused:
[QUOTE=Ruth6:11]There are actually two separate issues here.

One is the ex-girlfriend's son. I believe that you can make a real difference in this young boy's life by encouraging your boyfriend to continue a relationship with him. You hit the nail on the head by almost coming close to treating it like a custody visitation right. The time he spends with the boy should be special and be just time spend with him and the boy (no ex) - much like in a divorce also...

The other issue is the relationship between your boyfriend and his ex. Granted, you're not the 2nd wife exactly, but usually after a split up the ex doesn't continue to go over and do domestic stuff like fixing thing. A break-up means that you both start relying on yourself and others in your life.

And this last is probably the hardest. If your ex does intend to be a fixture in this boy's life (or at least until the ex meets someone who doesn't want your boyfriend around) the VERY best thing you can do is build a cordial, polite, and even friendly relationship with her. She's not the enemy, she is the EX!
Your boyfriend sounds like a really ethical guy. He just needs to realize that he's not doing her any favors by enabling her to depend on him still for household chores. She must have friends or family that can help, and MANY a woman has learned to do fix-it things all on her own!!!!!

Right on Ruth! You go girl!
She hit the nail right on the head with this post. Even though they seemed like they were married - They weren't, and having him do household chores for her is going way above and beyond the call of duty.
And I hate to tell your bf this, but once the Ex finds another man, I doubt very much he will continue to be in the picture. He has no biological ties to this child and I would find it out of the norm if the new guy allowed your bf access to the child. In a perfect world everyone would get along, but in the real world, I don't know if that will happen.

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