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Love Starved
Sep 21, 2004
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year.

He's very physically affectionate--always cuddling, touching, kissing, etc. I am very physically affectionate, too. We have a very active sex life--I can't complain about that.

I really wish that he'd be more VERBALLY affectionate, though. We very rarely say "I love you"--one of us will say it maybe once every three weeks or so, and the other will respond. But then, nothing for a few more weeks. Somtimes, also, I feel like he's very rude. Last night, after we had sex, I was talking about something--probably something totally inconsequential. Anyway, he said "shhhhhh" and fell asleep. Tonight, I called him for help with something. After he answered me, he said, "Anything else?" he had just gotten home and wanted to eat. There was nothing else, so I said goodbye and we hung up. No, "how was your day," "i miss you," "what's going on," etc. And we've been getting along really well, lately.

I wish that he'd be a little gentler in his speech to me--just more loving, I guess. I wish that he'd tell me he loves me so much, and that he wants to be with me, and that I'm fantastic. I want him to tell me that I'm the center of his universe, and he's never been happier than in the year we've been together--even if he's lying. Sometimes I feel like he only tells me that he loves me when he's done something wrong and wants to get out of it. And then he only says it like, Of course I love you, what are you complaining about. I guess he's affectionate in some ways when he talks--he calls me "puppy" and talks baby-talk to me, but I guess it's just not the same thing.

Last night I said that our one-year anniversary is coming up--no response from him. I prompted like, arent you happy? And he said something totally random like, are we going to count it from this day or that day?

Also, he's never said "I love you" during sex. I can't help but feel like sometimes he just climbs on top of me, does his business, and gets off. No tenderness, really.

I don't know what to do. I guess he's just being himself. I just crave affection--I want to know how he feels about me. Because I really can't tell. Sometimes I wish we'd suffer a major disaster where I'd have to move out of state or something. That way I could see if he really cared whether I left. He just seems so able to take me or leave me--he's happy when I come over, but he's just as content when I'm not there. I'm sure he must love me, but sometimes I just need to hear it. Am I just being needy?

I've mentioned a few times that he could be more affectionate, but he just gets defensive. I guess i'd get defensive too if someone told me that there was something fundamentally wrong with my method of communication. I know you can't force someone to tell you that they love you, but I've started to be reflective now that our one-year is coming up. I always feel like I'm waiting for something--waiting for his great feelings to develop, waiting for him to be in the right mood to express them, etc. I've been waiting for a friggin year. Lately, when I think about us having a future together, I just see myself condemned to a life devoid of compliments and proclamations of love. Not exactly a rosy picture.

I'd welcome any insight--is there anything I can do? Does his lack of love-speak mean he doesn't love me?


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