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When RED flags fly*
Sep 23, 2004
I'm asking for advise on how to approach this situation. Many of you regulars here have great advice to offer, so I wish to share this dilema with you. Sorry it's long. But for you to get a general feel as to why I think something is amist, I need to include a little extra.

My parnter's co-worker(Melanye) and supervisor(JP) were engaging in some inappropriate behavior. Both were in relationships. My partner confided in me that it was taking place, and I said nothing. Out of the blue Melanye, whom lives down the street from us confided in me that it was going on--not my partner-her friend. It was only speculation of office talk. I didn't tell this Melayne it was being gossiped about. My advice to Melayne was to back off the situation, both being in a relationship, and JP being her boss was not such a great idea. Then my partner got mad because Melayne was confiding in me, and not her as her friend. I sorta dropped that situation in Melayne's ear that she wasn't using their (my partner and her friendship) and maybe she should confide in her more than me. So she partner shared with me some details of the ordeal/gossip and I just kinda stayed out of it. It's been happening about 2 mos. Melayne said she didn't want anything to do with the boss--had rethought it and told JP so. JP then informed her my partner had interest in her and that she needed to watch that. Melayne came to both of us and told us what the boss said...I was ticked @ JP (the boss) because I wouldn't have suspected him to fool around with a coworker...and knows we're partnered so why bring problems on us like rumors of that sort. I thought maybe it was his way of separating her from the friendship so he could talk her into having an affair, because we're both saying No to her. I went by their work Sat. and Melayne asked me did my partner explain something that happened to her with him.. I said NO, my partner standing right there said Yes I did, you're mistaken...and winks for me to lie. I said well maybe she did I don't know because life has been hectic...excuse from me. She explains this and that, and I support her logic of distancing herself from him, etc. "red flag 1" why would my partner not tell me--and then expect me to lie as if she did. I don't think Melayne has anything to hide from me. Then all last week my partner stayed up late, watching tv... but our 2nd phone was moved from where I put it that night before. We're the only 2 in the house. So it red flags me. Melayne drops by, and visits for an hr. and the next night she calls. Her stopping by and calling hasn't been a past routine. Then last night Melayne calls and says she wants to tell my partner who passed away in town, and I hand the phone to her...walking off. 30 mins. later its her again, wanting to speak to my partner...highly unusual so I stood there momentarily to see what my partners response would be over the phone to her and I got from her loudly "Quit standing there listening to me, why are you doing that? while on the phone with Melayne, as to let her know I'm there close by". Red flag big time...!!!! I asked why had Melayne called 2 times in such a short time. To tell me something, was her what? It became a defensive arguement that I was over jealous of her friend. I said I am far from being jealous from someone whom I've trusted for years in and out of this house, but something isn't right...and I storm off. Then this morning, she calls in at work to check in and how was my morning, etc. and said "Melayne" won't be calling anymore she didn't mean to tick you off and send you into some jealous accusation...I said I wasn't accusing her, or you of anything...however, maybe I need too? Then I asked to put Melayne on...I said "Mel" I wasn't jealous and never have been of you, I just couldn't figure out how come you called 2 times in short time spam and thought something was wrong...she said I dont' know why she's acting like this...and apologized for thinking I was mad. I wasn't mad at her, at my partner yes. Her behavior was uncalled now I've given her the cold shoulder treatment about the situation on Sat. and had meant to talk to her and now its all coming about. How do I approach the situation where I am not accusing them of anything but I am inquestive to the intentions of why I am getting red flags. Can you regulars help here...I want to remain level headed, but I am furious for making her think something that wasn't and having her think she told me something and hadn't....and of course I'm accused of making all this up and something thats not.

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