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Calista,
Thought I'd put my 2 cents in. I'm sorry you're going through this, you seem to be the only mature person in this relationship.

Anyone in a (supposedly) committed relationship who says they aren't sure if they can be faithful for the long haul would set off huge alarms.
If the relationship is so special, why would they be thinking along those lines? To me, it translates into giving them the green light and they're shoring up their defense for future infidelity "hey, I warned you this could happen, and you stayed". Your boyfriend's track record would indicate it will LIKELY happen.

I don't know if his erratic, impulsive behavior indicates an epiphany of what you mean to him, or if he's just mad and panicking that things aren't going his way and when things get uncomfortable for him, he'll say or promise anything. He seems to put his well being above whats best for you and the relationship.

Crying is not unmanly. Constant crying and whining because your not getting your way is pathetic.
I believe he's doing all he can to get back w/you because he realizes your taste of life w/out him didn't send you running back to him...but made you rethink life without him--that it's possible .
I think the reason you feel so confused is you remember how great the first year w/him was, and now your seeing a side of him that isn't very appealing.
Perhaps mourning what you'd hoped for w/him, at the same time, realizing the end may be in sight.
I don't think it's possible to 'start over' after you've established a history w/someone. Unless one or both of you has changed. Otherwise, your bringing the same things to the table, therefore the end result will be the same.
Because your still feeling so uncertain, I do think it's a good idea to stay the course you've established. See him a few times a week. I think your on firm enough ground not to succomb to 'wining and dining' and the good ole days w/him as he tries to win you back, but see if you can count on him for the long haul.
Sorry to seem as if I'm being too hard on him, but I think he's got a lot of maturing to do and until he does so, it all comes down to how much your willing to put up with.
[QUOTE=Kay33]Calista,
Thought I'd put my 2 cents in. I'm sorry you're going through this, you seem to be the only mature person in this relationship.

Anyone in a (supposedly) committed relationship who says they aren't sure if they can be faithful for the long haul would set off huge alarms.
If the relationship is so special, why would they be thinking along those lines? To me, it translates into giving them the green light and they're shoring up their defense for future infidelity "hey, I warned you this could happen, and you stayed". Your boyfriend's track record would indicate it will LIKELY happen.

I don't know if his erratic, impulsive behavior indicates an epiphany of what you mean to him, or if he's just mad and panicking that things aren't going his way and when things get uncomfortable for him, he'll say or promise anything. He seems to put his well being above whats best for you and the relationship.

Crying is not unmanly. Constant crying and whining because your not getting your way is pathetic.
I believe he's doing all he can to get back w/you because he realizes your taste of life w/out him didn't send you running back to him...but made you rethink life without him--that it's possible .
I think the reason you feel so confused is you remember how great the first year w/him was, and now your seeing a side of him that isn't very appealing.
Perhaps mourning what you'd hoped for w/him, at the same time, realizing the end may be in sight.
I don't think it's possible to 'start over' after you've established a history w/someone. Unless one or both of you has changed. Otherwise, your bringing the same things to the table, therefore the end result will be the same.
Because your still feeling so uncertain, I do think it's a good idea to stay the course you've established. See him a few times a week. I think your on firm enough ground not to succomb to 'wining and dining' and the good ole days w/him as he tries to win you back, but see if you can count on him for the long haul.
Sorry to seem as if I'm being too hard on him, but I think he's got a lot of maturing to do and until he does so, it all comes down to how much your willing to put up with.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the post. You have said all the things that I am going through right now, exatly how they are. I agree with you 100%.

I don't think that you are being to hard on him. I have just began to open my eyes to reality, and am trying to avoid as much as I can having to go through a situation like this again. THe only way I know how to do that without getting rid of him completely is by "dating" him.


Like you said, what I"m trying to determine is if he had a epiphany of what I mean to him, or if he is panicing and promising anything. I really want to believe that he has smartened up, but now that the rose colored glasses are off, I'm just not sure that is so. I guess only time will tell, that's what I"m scared of.

I agree that crying is not unmanly, but when it happens every time I see him, it starts to get a bit old.

Thanks for your post. Advise and support is ALWAYS appreciated. ;)





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