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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi Calista. I'm sorry things ended with your live-in boyfriend the way they did. Boy, you are one amazing and understanding woman! I would have never told him to just call me when he changes his mind, or that I won't get into another relationship for a while. Quite to the contrary, I would say not to bother me again and good luck figuring out what you want to do with your life. Maybe I'm too hard-headed, but I think the guy shouldn't know that you're planning to sit around waiting for him to one day change his mind. Especially that he's the one who cheated on you and he's the one wanting to end things. Again, it's up to you, but I would take every single thing that belongs to me from the apartment. Knives, scissors, pots and pans, couch, tv--you name it. I might leave him a couple of doilies to look at in his spare time when he sits on the floor of his empty apartment and eats take out food with a plastic spoon. Don't feel sorry for him. He should realize he is LOSING SOMETHING VERY VALUABLE--YOU! And with you goes all your stuff and everything nice that was a part of your life together. Don't be friends with him either.

Why am I saying all this? Becasue I also once lived with a boyfriend, four almost four years. He, too, proposed, and then things went right to the toilet. He freaked out basically and drove me to break up with him. I moved out as well. At the time I didn't have much stuff, and I was a very sweet, NICE girl, so I basically moved out with nothing. Like you, I left even some things that belonged to me because I didn't want to inconvenience him. Then, he insisted we stay friends. Like an idiot I agreed. BIG mistake. Then I had to watch him date another woman and move in with her to her apartment only about half a year after I moved out. My heart was breaking but I couldn't say anything because we agreed to be good friends. Anyway, if I were to be in that situation again (hopefully I will never have to because it was pure hell), I would not be so nice and I would not stay friends with him at all. Why prolong the agony. You will be able to heal and move on with your life much sooner if you completely cut off contact with him. And take all your stuff with you, I'm telling you. Stay strong, girl!

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