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Okay, so here is my dilema. For about 18 months, I had been in a serious relationship, maybe the best one I've ever been in, with a close friend I had known for 6 months prior to us getting together as a couple. It ended in January of this year because I couldn't handle the inconsistancies in the relationship, and I started to feel like we were drifting apart. Realising this, I thought it would be best for us to start seeing other people, and end the relationship before things got worse. He didn't want the relationship to end, and it really crushed him. He wanted to at least stay friends, and I agreed, since I couldn't just cut him out of my life like that.

I started getting together with him on a friendly basis in March, 2 months after the breakup, although I admit, I rarely saw him that much due to my own shame and guilt and all out akwardness of going from an intimate relationship, back down to "just friends." I really was over him, and it seemed like he was over me too, so I thought this was going to work out for the best long term.

That same month, I started dating someone else. I am currently with that new boyfriend, and have been so for the past 6 months. My ex has since in the past few months, moved far away to the other end of the state, so I rarely get to talk to him anymore, and I'm really missing him. (he used to live up the street from me, and now I may never get to see him one on one anymore, and a few of his new roomates dislike me)

I feel really badly, but my current boyfriend and I are not currently in a good place even though we both assumed we were really close. We got in a fight around the same time I finally heard from my ex last month. He's seeing a new girlfriend now and is very happy with her. I was happy for him too, but now I'm a bit jealous.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Mostly about how we got together, and how much I really miss his company, because we went so well together. Fall time reminds me of him, and I used to walk down the street when it got cold out so I could hang with him and talk. I kissed him for the first time in that house and I get a stabbing feeling in my chest whenever I drive or walk by, knowing the house is empty, and he no longer lives there anymore. :(

I think he pretty much has lost all romantic feelings for me, and it's killing me now that I'm starting to regret ever ending the relationship to begin with. I don't think I thought it through enough, and I really hate now thinking I could have saved it if I really tried, and not just ran away from our problems.

I really feel like, you don't know how good you have something till it's gone.

He tells all his friends I was the best relationship he's ever been in. I was hoping there was still a glimmer of feelings for me left in him. It seems like he's really happy though. I wouldn't want to unload all this on him, because I think it would complicate things, and maybe he'd push me away.

I'm also worried though that because this new relationship is early, they may not be close enough yet, and I could win him back. This may be foolish thinking on my part, but it can't be helped.

I wish I could be happy for him and for me, it would make so much sense to continue on like we've all been doing, but I can't shake this feeling. I don't want to hurt any more people, but I'm suffering in pain. I get panick attacks every night. I can't eat normal, and my sleeping has been off. I just got over a bad case of mono too, so my stress limit is shot, especially with a broken heart on top of it all.

I wanted a normal relationship with my new boyfriend, whom I was crazy about, but now I feel so guilty for still loving my ex after 9 months. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm just so broken up over my own stupid decision making, and I think I made the biggest mistake of my life. I still love him, and it's not fair to my current boyfriend, even though I know the ex is probably not coming back to me.

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