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Very interesting post.

It depends too, on what kind of abuse you are talking about, the level of abuse that has taken place, and the type of person both abusing and being abused.

For example: if you take an abuser who kidnaps and physically or emotionally harms their victim, after a while, the victim is kept alive ONLY by the will of the kidnapper. So even though the victim experiences physical and emotional horrors, they are still alive - and they know that no matter what, they are alive ONLY because the abuser wills it. So they become dependent on the abuser for everything.

For example: You take a male abuser who physically or emotionally harms his girlfriend (and this can be reversed in terms of male-female). They start off very loving (most abusers can display a very emotional, soft, kind side), and he cannot do enough for her, because of her. Once girlfriend expresses undying love or devotion, abuser "has her", so he no longer needs to put on the facade of being nice guy. Maybe it starts with verbal abuse,and goes from there, or maybe it just stays as verbal abuse. But with some time, the change from nice and loving to mean and cruel is somewhat unbelieveable ("but he was so nice when I met him", and "he says he still loves me after he's calmed down") and she remembers how wonderful it was when they met, and lives for THAT. Also, when the good times turn sour, and the sour gets very bad, it's such a relief when the very bad passes and she's just happy to have him back on a more even level (even temporarily) that it turns into a never-ending cycle.

I also strongly agree with the suggestion that drama induced relationships [I]suggest[/I] more of a deeper connection than what really is. People generally remember the highs and lows of events (as opposed to the even keel of things), and associate (the ups and) downs as milestones in their relationships rather than possible red flags.

Again, strongly agreeing with the drama factor as an impact in relation to how a child was raised/lived in relation to immediate family. If you're used to drama/dysfunction/abuse as a child, you will come to expect that in other relationships, sometimes unconsciously. As a result, that [I]could[/I] impact a person in later years to be an abuser or an abusee, depending on what their role or view was growing up in that type of atmosphere. It's very difficult to break away from old thoughts and behaviors, especially those that are ingrained from childhood - even if a person wants to change. Good for anyone who recognizes that and moves forward in a more healthy lifestyle.

And of course personality also plays into co-dependency, no matter what the upbringing. If a person views themself as unworthy or unlovable, someone who comes along and shows them kindness will appear as the Be ALL End All for them. So that personality type might put up with more abuse than someone who has a better sense of self. Etc.

I'm sure there will be more thought provoking replies to this one. Good topic.





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