It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


here goes....
About a month or so ago, while in the gym, an ex girlfriend of mine approached me and started to talk to me. We had broken up 7 years ago and it was a pretty bad break-up. I had seen her before in the gym and we exchanges "words", and my wife knew her and felt sorry for her. Anyhow, I wasn't really paying her any mind as she spoke and it wasn't as confrontational as our first run in at the gym. She asked about my family and regular small talk... Asked about my brother, they both worked in the same, building, but he changed jobs. I told her he left there and was working else where, asked if I had knew of any men that were single and I said no... She then asked if I could give her email address to my brother, in case they were hiring at his new job because she was having a hard time there... I didn't think much of it.... she tells me that she's having a hard dealing with relationships and wanted to know if I could give her insight on what it might be... I tell that I can't speak for her now, but I can tell her why I left her back then... it bugged me a bit, but whatever... I was doing my sets and was almost done... we spoke briefly and I left... I go home tell my wife about the encounter and she tells maybe she still hung up on me or maybe she wants closure or to better herself... I dismiss it and go about my day, but I didn't tell my wife about the email address she gave me, figured it might send the wrong message or something (first mistake) ... I email my ex (from an old aol account that I rarely use, second mistake), telling her that I passed her email off to my brother and its out of my hands. Throw out the email address and go about my day... get to work open the laptop, go about my day... a couple hours into my shift I notice and IM... its my ex, I didn’t think much of it, so I speak to her, we continued to talk about our past relationship and just life in general. Nothing serious, just small talk... anyway this goes for about an hour or so... I think nothing of it... The next day, again, another IM.. Same subject, this time she wants to know if she can call me, I didn't feel comfortable giving her my # so she gives me hers and I call her from my cell, but I block my # just as a precaution... we speak for awhile, and as I am speaking to her about our past and what’s going on in my life now, I realize that its also giving me some closure to, so we talk for awhile... she would start talking bout **** that was inappropriate and I'd tell her that I didn't mind trying to help out, but if it put me at risk with my wife, that I would have to stop talking to her... needless to say we spoke for a couple of days for a couple of hours (tues, weds, thurs) and a couple of days the week after that, at one point she told me she told me she was still attracted to me and I told that it was flattering, but I am happily married... we realized that we had been talking allot and that there was nothing else more we could talk about, she got her closure and I got mine, so we agreed to go our separate ways, if we see each other, we'll say hi, but other than that nothing more.... I felt guilty for talking for her so much and ask my brother and close friends if I should tell my wife, they said yes, I of course chicken out and go back to living my life, everything back to normal, things at home great.... I get the cellphone bill and never think twice about it... so last thurs, while my wife is shredding bills she comes across the cell bill, she calls once gets an answering machine, ok. She then takes the number and calls her friend at the gym and asks him to double check with my ex's info... bingo... **** hits the fan, she calls again, ex answers, wife questions her why we were speaking for so long and that she can have me.... Calls me at work and starts yelling at me... I panic, and fumble for answers.... I call my ex up and ask what she told my wife and tell her to have a nice life! Needless to say, my wife thinks I was having an affair... I know I should have told my wife about it, but I felt guilty about it, we didn't do anything but talk and if the conversation got inappropriate I would remind her about my marriage, I know we spoke long, but at the end we felt closure and both agreed on it. Now I am at my mothers (wife feels betrayed, that I looked for comfort with someone else, that her attention wasn't enough) and is considering a separation, she’s talking to everyone about it and everyone tells her that she doesn't deserve what I did to her and that I must have been having an affair... I love this woman dearly, she is my life.... I know I should have told her when it first started, but I felt guilty and figure it was over and done with... I hate what I am going thru and miss my life so much... Please advice!!!!
[QUOTE=depressesskater]here goes....
About a month or so ago, while in the gym, an ex girlfriend of mine approached me and started to talk to me. We had broken up 7 years ago and it was a pretty bad break-up. I had seen her before in the gym and we exchanges "words", and my wife knew her and felt sorry for her. Anyhow, I wasn't really paying her any mind as she spoke and it wasn't as confrontational as our first run in at the gym. She asked about my family and regular small talk... Asked about my brother, they both worked in the same, building, but he changed jobs. I told her he left there and was working else where, asked if I had knew of any men that were single and I said no... She then asked if I could give her email address to my brother, in case they were hiring at his new job because she was having a hard time there... I didn't think much of it.... she tells me that she's having a hard dealing with relationships and wanted to know if I could give her insight on what it might be... I tell that I can't speak for her now, but I can tell her why I left her back then... it bugged me a bit, but whatever... I was doing my sets and was almost done... we spoke briefly and I left... I go home tell my wife about the encounter and she tells maybe she still hung up on me or maybe she wants closure or to better herself... I dismiss it and go about my day, but I didn't tell my wife about the email address she gave me, figured it might send the wrong message or something (first mistake) ... I email my ex (from an old aol account that I rarely use, second mistake), telling her that I passed her email off to my brother and its out of my hands. Throw out the email address and go about my day... get to work open the laptop, go about my day... a couple hours into my shift I notice and IM... its my ex, I didn’t think much of it, so I speak to her, we continued to talk about our past relationship and just life in general. Nothing serious, just small talk... anyway this goes for about an hour or so... I think nothing of it... The next day, again, another IM.. Same subject, this time she wants to know if she can call me, I didn't feel comfortable giving her my # so she gives me hers and I call her from my cell, but I block my # just as a precaution... we speak for awhile, and as I am speaking to her about our past and what’s going on in my life now, I realize that its also giving me some closure to, so we talk for awhile... she would start talking bout **** that was inappropriate and I'd tell her that I didn't mind trying to help out, but if it put me at risk with my wife, that I would have to stop talking to her... needless to say we spoke for a couple of days for a couple of hours (tues, weds, thurs) and a couple of days the week after that, at one point she told me she told me she was still attracted to me and I told that it was flattering, but I am happily married... we realized that we had been talking allot and that there was nothing else more we could talk about, she got her closure and I got mine, so we agreed to go our separate ways, if we see each other, we'll say hi, but other than that nothing more.... I felt guilty for talking for her so much and ask my brother and close friends if I should tell my wife, they said yes, I of course chicken out and go back to living my life, everything back to normal, things at home great.... I get the cellphone bill and never think twice about it... so last thurs, while my wife is shredding bills she comes across the cell bill, she calls once gets an answering machine, ok. She then takes the number and calls her friend at the gym and asks him to double check with my ex's info... bingo... **** hits the fan, she calls again, ex answers, wife questions her why we were speaking for so long and that she can have me.... Calls me at work and starts yelling at me... I panic, and fumble for answers.... I call my ex up and ask what she told my wife and tell her to have a nice life! Needless to say, my wife thinks I was having an affair... I know I should have told my wife about it, but I felt guilty about it, we didn't do anything but talk and if the conversation got inappropriate I would remind her about my marriage, I know we spoke long, but at the end we felt closure and both agreed on it. Now I am at my mothers (wife feels betrayed, that I looked for comfort with someone else, that her attention wasn't enough) and is considering a separation, she’s talking to everyone about it and everyone tells her that she doesn't deserve what I did to her and that I must have been having an affair... I love this woman dearly, she is my life.... I know I should have told her when it first started, but I felt guilty and figure it was over and done with... I hate what I am going thru and miss my life so much... Please advice!!!![/QUOTE]

I dont know, I smell a rat here. Talking for hours for several days? What to talk about? You were sneaky from the get go and you knew it was wrong. She may have been the one to "play" you but you agreed to participate in the "game". Sorry to come across as hard but something does not sound right. You knew it was wrong and felt "guilty", but continued on with the game. I wonder how far this would have went if your wife did not find out.
In my opinion not only did you break trust, you cheated your wife out of time that could have been spent talking to her. I hope things do work out for you but I must say, in my opinion, you really did damage your relationship with your wife. Trust is hard to rebuild especially if your wife suspects you were cheating. Its going to be a long road for you. I feel sorry for your wife, not you. Unfortunatley, you earned the position that you are in right now. I do agree with the other posters about trying to show your wife you are sorry and love her.

Marilyn
aka Tomsgirl





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:49 PM.





© 2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!