It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Depressesskater,

There’s no more use in anyone hitting home the real damage you did by betraying your partner in the manner in which you did. People are usually always aware of their motives and reasons for doing, and not doing things. I am sure you were well aware of all the “do’s and don’t’s” that came with your poor choices. It doesn’t matter that you love your spouse, or that you tell US how much you love your spouse. Your actions don’t say much for respecting your vows, yourself, or your partner. The words “I love you” or “I’m sorry” can seem empty and unbelieving in the face of a very deep betrayal.

I’m not sure if you have a history of past indiscretions – your spouse’s action of going to the lengths she did (calling the gym to procure your ex-girlfriend’s phone number) to confirm what was on the bill makes me wonder if you have given her other reasons for her to distrust you so much so that she would not first come to you with the phone bill and ask you about the number and call durations.

The call that followed between your spouse and your ex-girlfriend is also something to think about. Your ex-girlfriend came onto you verbally, knowing that you were married. With everything ELSE aside, this point alone reflects that there’s really no telling what ex told your spouse. There may be been conversations alluding to or teasing about that possibly more had been happening. When you asked your ex-girlfriend what was discussed, she could have told you one thing, and your spouse another. Anything could have been said, anything.

One thing that you may want to consider is an open letter to your ex-girlfriend. Sounds a bit reaching, but hear me out. Something like,

[I]“Angie,

It was beneficial for me to be able to finally have the opportunity to put final closure on some questions that I carried around pertaining to the end of our relationship. However, I realize that by taking some time to speak with you, I have done an incredible injustice to my wife, (Eleanor) and the relationship I have with her. As I told you during our conversations, Eleanor is my Be All, End All, and nothing will ever change that. Nothing. Looking back, I was foolish to think that you and I would be able to carry on a conversation to talk about past issues, and not have it affect my relationship with my wife on some level. Although Eleanor isn’t threatened by the fact that you and I talked (she knows I love her), I can appreciate her feelings of betrayal, especially since I chose not to share with her the fact that I was speaking with you. That is a hurt that I cannot undo, but I will work on whatever it takes for her to regain trust. Starting with this letter. I will not be having any more contact with you, Angie. I do not say this out of anger or spite, but rather out of respect for my wife and my marriage. I realize now more than ever that there are fine lines that sometimes should not be crossed, for any reason – even to put closure on some old wounds. I love my wife and the relationship with my wife – my marriage - and this comes first. I did not put Eleanor’s feelings or the sanctity of my marriage first when I chose to speak with you. This will not happen again. I would not trade or give up my marriage for anything, and that includes maintaining even a distant friendship with you. These past few weeks have been a life learning and difficult lesson for me. Maybe I needed to be shown just how much my family means to me, as hurtful as it has been for Eleanor and myself.

I wish you well.

Frank”[/I]

After you type up this letter, show it to your wife, and then ask her to mail it for you. Delete your e-mail and IM user names/accounts and start over with new ones. Then start loving your wife as she deserves to be loved according to the vows you took. Trust takes time to regain. This will take time.

Your thoughts.
[QUOTE=Wowwwweeee]Depressesskater,

There’s no more use in anyone hitting home the real damage you did by betraying your partner in the manner in which you did. People are usually always aware of their motives and reasons for doing, and not doing things. I am sure you were well aware of all the “do’s and don’t’s” that came with your poor choices. It doesn’t matter that you love your spouse, or that you tell US how much you love your spouse. Your actions don’t say much for respecting your vows, yourself, or your partner. The words “I love you” or “I’m sorry” can seem empty and unbelieving in the face of a very deep betrayal.

I’m not sure if you have a history of past indiscretions – your spouse’s action of going to the lengths she did (calling the gym to procure your ex-girlfriend’s phone number) to confirm what was on the bill makes me wonder if you have given her other reasons for her to distrust you so much so that she would not first come to you with the phone bill and ask you about the number and call durations.

The call that followed between your spouse and your ex-girlfriend is also something to think about. Your ex-girlfriend came onto you verbally, knowing that you were married. With everything ELSE aside, this point alone reflects that there’s really no telling what ex told your spouse. There may be been conversations alluding to or teasing about that possibly more had been happening. When you asked your ex-girlfriend what was discussed, she could have told you one thing, and your spouse another. Anything could have been said, anything.

One thing that you may want to consider is an open letter to your ex-girlfriend. Sounds a bit reaching, but hear me out. Something like,

[I]“Angie,

It was beneficial for me to be able to finally have the opportunity to put final closure on some questions that I carried around pertaining to the end of our relationship. However, I realize that by taking some time to speak with you, I have done an incredible injustice to my wife, (Eleanor) and the relationship I have with her. As I told you during our conversations, Eleanor is my Be All, End All, and nothing will ever change that. Nothing. Looking back, I was foolish to think that you and I would be able to carry on a conversation to talk about past issues, and not have it affect my relationship with my wife on some level. Although Eleanor isn’t threatened by the fact that you and I talked (she knows I love her), I can appreciate her feelings of betrayal, especially since I chose not to share with her the fact that I was speaking with you. That is a hurt that I cannot undo, but I will work on whatever it takes for her to regain trust. Starting with this letter. I will not be having any more contact with you, Angie. I do not say this out of anger or spite, but rather out of respect for my wife and my marriage. I realize now more than ever that there are fine lines that sometimes should not be crossed, for any reason – even to put closure on some old wounds. I love my wife and the relationship with my wife – my marriage - and this comes first. I did not put Eleanor’s feelings or the sanctity of my marriage first when I chose to speak with you. This will not happen again. I would not trade or give up my marriage for anything, and that includes maintaining even a distant friendship with you. These past few weeks have been a life learning and difficult lesson for me. Maybe I needed to be shown just how much my family means to me, as hurtful as it has been for Eleanor and myself.

I wish you well.

Frank”[/I]

After you type up this letter, show it to your wife, and then ask her to mail it for you. Delete your e-mail and IM user names/accounts and start over with new ones. Then start loving your wife as she deserves to be loved according to the vows you took. Trust takes time to regain. This will take time.

Your thoughts.[/QUOTE]




THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:
This is EXACTLY what he needs to do!!!!!!! I was racking my brain trying to figure out SOMETHING, an action, anything he could do that would prove to his wife how he felt about her, instead of just repeating how sorry he is. This is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Youdda Bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bouncing: :bouncing:





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:32 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!