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[QUOTE=babe1973]I said before that it was impossible. He even told me that he didn't want to be reponsible of breaking my relation with my family because he cared too much for me. [/QUOTE]



This is a nice way to put you down. You have been basically used by this guy. It hurts to accept it but how can you still have feelings for someone that can use you and mentally abuse you.
[QUOTE=babe1973]We have mutual respect..[/QUOTE]


What kind of respect happened here when you slept with a relatives husband. Thats lack of respect right there for one. Also, you say it was mutual after you told him that you love him but you still have very stong feelings for him. These feeling disapated for sometime until he started to come and visit and you need to back away again. You dont know for sure that another night may not happen like the hotel. I dont suggest that you keep that going . Its all disrespect rather than mutual respect.

Don't think I am putting down what you did because it takes two but I am trying to make you realize not to do it again.
[QUOTE=babe1973]Eightball, You are mixing everything up. HIM and I have mutual respect for each other. What does my relative got to do in there??? I did not say Mutual Love but MUTUAL RESPECT. When on earth did I tell you that I stopped loving him before he came? I never forgot him. He always had a very special place in my heart.[/QUOTE]


I am not mixing anything wrong. What I am basically saying is what you voth did was wrong. HE may have stayed in that marriage just for the kids but someone with brain would have figured out that they can still be a father without an unhappy marriage. I beleive everything he has told you was bogus and you are the only you love him and he has no mutual feelings. If he had feelsing for you then he would have took that MUTAUL RESPECT and never cheated on his wife.
[QUOTE=babe1973]eightball I don't understand you. I read your posts around and you are very negative. You tell everyone to pull back. I think you didn't understand my story at all. The respect if between him and I, not with his wife. He thinks she is fooling around. Do you really think that a man should stay in an unhappy marriage just for his kids? You know that kids grow up and leave the house one day. That day, you will ask yourself why you stayed instead of living a life filled with happiness. The fact that a man divorces, doesn't make him a bad Dad.

At the very beginning I said it was wrong. But we love each other. We really do. There is no point in going over that again because you don't personally know us. This man has never lied to anyone. His wife asked him in front of me if he had fooled around, and he said yes. She didn't want to know more after. I was there and I saw their relationship. She doesn't want him to leave because she lives in luxury with him and she knows that it will change when he leaves. That's all.[/QUOTE]

This does not seem like a "normal" marriage... why would his wife ask him if he was fooling around infront of you???? And why would he so readily admit it- that too infront of you... couldnt he wait to have a private conversation with her about it? Sounds like the making of one zany and weird marriage :dizzy: :blob_fire
[QUOTE=babe1973]The reason is simple. When they were in my presence, they got in an argument. When she gets mad, she can't wait for privacy. So she popped out the question and he simply was honest. That's all. What is wierd in this marriage is that even though he tells her that he hates her, she still doesn't want to let go. What is the point in keeping a man that hates you and who will leave one day anyway? :confused:[/QUOTE]

If he really hates her so much, then why does he stay with her? Why did he stay for 20 years? There must be something in it for him, or he would have been gone a long time ago. A woman cannot "keep" a man who doesn't want to be "kept."
Snails - Great Post and supportive words offered to Babe1973.
I know I'm coming on this thread abit late.

Babe1973, I can only imagine what you are feeling and going through.
Please take my words kindly as I do not write them in a harsh way but something that just keeps bugging me and from how I am seeing this.

Although you are now a grown woman, been through a marriage and you have experienced life thus so far. If you were to ever go through with a relationship with this man I truly believe it will cause you more grief then you are feeling now. As you stated it is also Impossible to have a Real Life relationship with him due to all the Drama it would bring to you and your family.

I'm sure this man, your cousins husband has some feelings for you, I will not tell you he doesn't.

HE, 'says' he too has feelings for you, he must have felt a connection with you, maybe he knew that you have always had a crush on him, maybe without you ever knowing or unintenionally sent waves his way and HE just knew....HE could take advantage of you. Not to Hurt You but to express his own disires of having an affair, crying on your shoulder because:
YOU would understand. HE too has pointed out to you he can not leave his loveless marriage for the sake of the kids, how unhappy he has been all these years, you can only beleive what you want to beleive.
He can tell you anything you want to hear because - you can not tell your family so you have to carry this burden.

I truly think he tooked advantage of a Nice Woman, a cousin by family, someone that he knew Admired HIM to a level he had No right to do.

As long as you keep his secret he will be happy and you will be left with not only a broken heart but the guilt of allowing him to fool you.
[QUOTE=babe1973]
Just now I received an email from him saying that whenever she is home, he need to go out. He can't even stand staying home with her. Oh by the way, this man has 2 huge houses ( 3 floors, very classy, etc.... ) which was his before marriage and a lot of money which was a heritage. I don't remember who here said that he should give her the house and half what he has...Excuse me but why on earth should he give those things to her? [/QUOTE]

He can't stand to be in the same house as her, but he can't bring himself to ask her for a divorce? Doesn't there seem to be something wrong with this picture? Generally speaking, men are creatures of comfort. They do NOT stay where they are not comfortable. And I don't know what state you live in, divorce laws are different state to state, but I know in California, an equal 50/50 split of all assets is the law. I know you are going to do what your heart tells you to do, but I guess all we can say is based on our experience and how similar situations turn out, you'd probably be wise not to hold your breath for this guy. It's quite possible you could flush your youth down the toilet waiting for this guy and end up with nothing.
[QUOTE=babe1973]Thank you all for your support. It feels good to be heard. But I never said that I imagined myself living with him.I said before that it was impossible. He even told me that he didn't want to be reponsible of breaking my relation with my family because he cared too much for me. I keep telling him that they might be a way, but he says no. He did say that things would have been different if we were not relatives. And I do believe that. He says that I am a blessing for him, and that no ther woman has looked at him and talked to him the way I do. We love every second we spend together. He loves me, he said it. Too many issues come in the way though. He is wise, :rolleyes: I am a dreamer. :angel:[/QUOTE]

Sorry for the piecemeal posts,but I'm coming in late on this one, and am reading through the posts in sort of random order. But first I must say, it's hard for me to see a married man who sleeps with his wife's 20-years-younger cousin as wise. You say you both know your affair is a dead end and would be harmful to many involved, yet you still speak of it in present tense: "We LOVE every second we SPEND together," instead of LOVED every second we SPENT together. If you both know it's a dead end and no good, why continue it? Why not just end it, never be dwith each other again, and get on with your life? Your feelings for this man are obviously so strong, and it only makes sense that the more time you spend with him, the stronger they will get, and the harder it will be to even think about other men or want to be without him. I would just hate to see you waste your youth on a man you can't ever have a real future with. I think you'd be wise to just cut this man out, cold turkey. I know these strong romantic emotions can sweep you away, but if you look at the situation with objective, rational eyes, you'll be able to see what we all see.
[QUOTE=babe1973]GREETGRETA, I don't think you even bothered reading my posts. What are you talking about?? There is more in life than love????????????????????????? Looks like you don't know what love is. :nono:[/QUOTE]
u took me totally wrong.....well...i wanted to say that u r thinking too much abt the situation.....keep ur brain busy in other things....u r a matuare person ..u have 2 kids...think abt them dear....i think i blaimed u in my post thats why u r saying this to me.......talking abt love....i definitely know what it is but seems like u made a totally new defination of love for urself...u r in a cage ...u dont want to break it thats why u r thanking the posts which r in favour of u...and arguing the posts which r negative! i didnt want to hurt u...





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