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I'd like to delete this post
I think if she was really serious about making this work she wouldn't be receiveing calls, phones and flowers from other men and she certainly wouldn't be skipping work to hang out with another guy.

I don't think you are being foolish I think she is being insensitive and acting like a jerk.

You derserve better, she had made it clear she isn't going to give up her boy toys
Are you overreacting? NO.

Especially after she promised that she wouldn't be contacting all these men anymore if you two got back together. What happened to her end of the deal? Sounds like she likes attention from several men and is not content with having one man in her life, you. As a woman, yes I like attention from men, but no I don't encourage it out of respect for my boyfriend.

She obviously isn't able to let these men go. I think you need to find someone thats a one man woman. It really isn't so much these other men as it is her broken promise and her disrespect for you.
You not over-reacting. I would be feeling the same way..... :rolleyes:

She loves the attention as you see but she is not respecting the relationship. It is ok to have friends of the opposite sex but when these are new people and sending intimate things like flowers that is going over board. Friends can call to stay in touch but as we get older most friends just get eachother cards arounf the holidays and birthdays. This guy is send flowers every month :eek:

Personally, I feel that you are not over reacting. I know you love her but she needs to grow up. She has tried it once and as we see now she failed. She may want to try again and may fail again. There is just so many chances that you can give before you give up totally.
She appears to be the female version of a "player" and is disrespecting you and your relationship.
She's not getting it. How would she feel if the shoe were on the other foot. You giving a dozen roses to another woman every month, long talks on the phone, late nights with other women. maybe you should present it to her like that. she needs to have some understanding of your feelings and if she is sincerely committed to you, she could try to be more respectful of them. and if she doesn't get it, then you have a choice. do you want to always be wondering what she's up to. Trust is a prickly thing to be juggling all the time ! good luck to you...
[QUOTE=susieq0726]She appears to be the female version of a "player" [/QUOTE]


See ladies can be just as bad :nono: :p
[QUOTE=eightball61]See ladies can be just as bad :nono: :p[/QUOTE]



Yes they can. "Player" Avenue is a two-way street!
[QUOTE=susieq0726]Yes they can. "Player" Avenue is a two-way street![/QUOTE]


I just rather sit on the side walk and watch the passing traffic because that isn't for me. :p
again please delete
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]Thanks for all your input, weíve had this discussion several times and Iíve even done the ďshoe on the other foot thingĒ she just simply thinks that she is doing no wrong. Youíre right Iíve felt that she doesnít respect me or our relationship. When there is no one else in the picture things go so good for us. She almost becomes obsessed with her trips and partying. I was hopping that it was just an over reaction on my part. I guess Iím blind to such love.

Thanks again.[/QUOTE]



So what do you want to do from here?? :confused: Can you deal with this or will you double think it?
another deletion
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]Well, I think I will sit down when she comes back from her trip and lay everything on the line. I simply canít go on like this. Iíve never gaven her an ultimatum. Them or me. Maybe thatís what I need to do.[/QUOTE]


She went on a trip :eek: With who?
another deletion
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]business trip. but she is seeing some guy that she met in our city before we started going out. the guy that they were out to 2 and 3 in the morning.[/QUOTE]



Too many "red flags". At least she was honest to tell you but this girl has to much and cause to much. Its your decision but I know what mine would be.....( me or them)
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]Well, I think I will sit down when she comes back from her trip and lay everything on the line. I simply canít go on like this. Iíve never gaven her an ultimatum. Them or me. Maybe thatís what I need to do.[/QUOTE]

Didn't this already happen when you two decided to get back together? :confused: Didn't she already agree that she wasn't going to see/talk to the men?
yep... that's right... :rolleyes:
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]yep... that's right... :rolleyes:[/QUOTE]



What are you thinking about the relationship at this point?
Dazed and confused.
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]Dazed and confused. I know her well enough that I know she wonít see my point and she will just say Iím being insecure. [/QUOTE]



I figured that she wont see your point. You are not being insure. Most people would have this bothering them. You can try talking to her again but you have to think about next what will make you happy rather than miserable. I know you care much for her but some people just cant change what they allready are.
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]Dazed and confused. I know her well enough that I know she wonít see my point and she will just say Iím being insecure. She always says that she has had guy friends since she was just a kid. That may be true but it doesnít help the way feeling. If she wonít respect my feelings and isnít willing to compromise then we will both have to move on. I know she wonít want to loose my love for her but in a relationship like this she canít have the best of both worlds.[/QUOTE]

I can see why you are struggling. The thing is if shes going to say you are being insecure and go about her way then is that really someone you want to share your life with? I know that you see it as a loss, but if she really cared about you she would not think its worth loosing you over other men. UNLESS these other men are more important than you and thats what it seems. Whats so great about a woman that puts other men before you? She maybe attractive and curvy, but shes also not respecting the relationship. Sounds like she enjoys being a free woman so let her be free. She'll have a hard time finding any man that would be okay with her male "companions". Sounds to me like you are a good guy that knows how to treat a woman so I doubt you'll have a hard time finding someone that wants to be with you, only you.

I'm not trying to be nosy, but rather figure out her intentions...what are you to her? Do you financial support her?
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]

I'm not trying to be nosy, but rather figure out her intentions...what are you to her? Do you financial support her?[/QUOTE]



That is a great question....There has to be a reason why she is sticking aroung. It could be that she really does love him but to me there are to many "reg flags" that steer me off from thinking that. People in relationship work with eachother and not against. She knows his feelings to this but she continues to allow them to call a lot or even see them on business trips. My worries would be what is she doing meeting this guy? In reality there is not much one can do without crossing the boundry. You can go out for dinner (which is safe to me), a movie (potential red flag to me), or Going to his house (huge red flag to me).
I agree, she does sound like a "player." You can either accept the fact she will always have lots of male friends around, or you can end the relationship. I don't really see any other options. She's already promised you she would stop seeing these other men and she is now breaking this promise, so you know she has no intention on giving up these friendships. You have to ask yourself if you want to live with it should the two of you marry, or if this would be an unacceptable situation for you. Having some friends of the opposite sex and occasionally meeting them for coffee is one thing, but spending hours talking to them on the phone and going out partying till two or three AM with them is simply ridiculous. Who would ever put up with it? I think you're too nice.
[QUOTE=SophiaM] Who would ever put up with it? I think you're too nice.[/QUOTE]



I am too nice but I wont put up with it. :p Good question sophiam and many people would not put up with that. This is just a classic case where someone seems to be getting lead on. I think its sad that people are to blind to see the pain that they cause to thier partner when doing the stupidest thing. She may never grow up as proven here.....
She aint gonna change, she's already proven that. clearly she is very selfish in putting her needs/wants first. she is only looking out for herself. time to take whats left of your self esteem and give yourself to someone who will appreciate all that is good in you. learn the lessons and move on. you deserve better ! :)
Some great advice and thanks for all the input.
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]
What do you think of all this? She is being so honest with me. she is out of town and if it would be so easy to hide all of this. Instead she tells me this and canít wait to get home. Talk about confusingÖ[/QUOTE]



He could be just a very good lier but she would have never told you all this unless somthing did really happen. She vould be cover her track just incase something leaks. But who knows :confused: ....to me its sound like the truth and hopefully it is. When she gets back though talk to her again about everything and use this case as an example.
I can usually
[QUOTE=fallen leaf]itís the other guys that I donít trust. .[/QUOTE]



That is the same way that I feel about the world. I dont trust others but I trust my GF. This is a great example....You say you trust her and thats good. I know it bothers you that these guys do call but if you trust her then the both of you have to work out an agreement where these guys she can still talk to but maybe could stop sending her flowers or stop staying out late nights. Its like I do for you and you do for me.





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