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After reading some of the posts on this site, I thought I might be able to gain understanding for my particular problem. The question is this: How can I, after 33 years of inbred insecurity, just shut off those feelings?
A little history here. I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years and we are comfortable with our relationship position as it is.
The major problem I have is that recently he has been conversing with a woman who used to be a mutual friend of ours. She has just recently been through a divorce and he and I decided at the beginning of this process that we were not going to take sides. Unfortunately, she never talked to him when she was at her worst. I did though. Upon expressing our desire to remain neutral, she became very upset with me to the point that she now believes I am no longer her friend. Since she didn't talk to my boyfriend during the 'worst time' she does not realize that he felt the same way I did. Now she thinks it is ok to call him, I do not disagree with this. However, she is very nasty on the phone when I answer it.
I have discussed this with my boyfriend so now, instead of her calling the house, she calls his cell phone. AT ALL HOURS. But mostly when I am at work. If she calls while I am home, he won't answer it.
I admit I have been sneaky and checked his cell phone for the days and times she calls and he returns her calls. When I ask him about this he admits to everything. But, if I don't ask, he admits nothing. Is that hiding the truth by omission? Should I be concerned, or am I just being overly sensitive? Should I contact her and reaffirm that I can be her friend as well as he can be? :confused:
[QUOTE=dadslilgirl]After reading some of the posts on this site, I thought I might be able to gain understanding for my particular problem. The question is this: How can I, after 33 years of inbred insecurity, just shut off those feelings?
A little history here. I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years and we are comfortable with our relationship position as it is.
The major problem I have is that recently he has been conversing with a woman who used to be a mutual friend of ours. She has just recently been through a divorce and he and I decided at the beginning of this process that we were not going to take sides. Unfortunately, she never talked to him when she was at her worst. I did though. Upon expressing our desire to remain neutral, she became very upset with me to the point that she now believes I am no longer her friend. Since she didn't talk to my boyfriend during the 'worst time' she does not realize that he felt the same way I did. Now she thinks it is ok to call him, I do not disagree with this. However, she is very nasty on the phone when I answer it.
I have discussed this with my boyfriend so now, instead of her calling the house, she calls his cell phone. AT ALL HOURS. But mostly when I am at work. If she calls while I am home, he won't answer it.
I admit I have been sneaky and checked his cell phone for the days and times she calls and he returns her calls. When I ask him about this he admits to everything. But, if I don't ask, he admits nothing. Is that hiding the truth by omission? Should I be concerned, or am I just being overly sensitive? Should I contact her and reaffirm that I can be her friend as well as he can be? :confused:[/QUOTE]


I feel he don't have nothing to hide. He tells you what you want to hear when you ask. You can't just shut off insecurities and I am trying to deal with my right now also. I have gotten a lot better while being here for sometime but it has taken months to get to the point where I can be ok and not freak out if my GF goes out.

This girl though does seem like an intruder. I am sure you didn't want to hear that but if this girl is being nasty to you and only wants to talk to him then I feel she has a thing for him. I dont think you have anything to worry about. I dont blame you for being jealous but he is being honest.

Does he know your feelings about this? or do you just ask?

I wish I had better advive but you have to just trust. Its ok to have friends of the opposite sex. Their is a limit to where that friendship goes but overall you have to learn to trust. Communication is a good factor to. Dont keep nothing hiding if something is bothering you. Talk to him as much as you can.

I wish you the best.
8-ball :wave:

welcome to the boards.
[QUOTE=dadslilgirl]Guess what, I spoke to my boyfriend, and told him I did not like all the phone calls. That I thought if she needed to talk to someone, she could call the house at a decent hour. He actually agreed. I had tried this several times right up to only two days ago and he did not understand why I felt the way I did about it. My guess is that he must have told someone else and they pretty much explained it to him.
I have other troubles that I need to think about, something on the lines of communication with a partner.[/QUOTE]



Thats great news that he agrees and hopefully he tells her and she stops. As for communication I dont know what in regards you have to talk about but it is a very strong point to any relationship. Some guys communicate and some don't. I dont mean to scare you off about his communication but I am just letting you know that some guys dont know what that means.





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