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Relationship Health Message Board


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Fury,

It sounds like there is more than just making plans that is irking you.

Indecisiveness is a trait that MANY people have. But for people who aren't indecisive, it can be tedious and annoying.

How old are you both?

Female perspective here. Although women demand to be treated as equals, sometimes this treatment stops in the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. Some women still expect to be catered to, paid for, and doted on because she is THE GIRL.

There is nothing wrong with this old-fashioned approach, as long as it works for BOTH parties.

Your girlfriend is being ambivalent. Meaning, she says she doesn't care what you both do, but if it turns out to be something that she doesn't favor, she pouts by telling her you need to take her home. So, it sounds to me like she is hesitant to tell you how she really feels about something because she probably wants to be sure that you are happy, too. Instead, she gets (quietly) angry that she can't tell you if she doesn't like something, so she just wants to call it a night.

And you aren't being open with her, because you want to make sure that SHE is happy, so you are not speaking up about how bothersome this is becoming for you.

You BOTH need to communicate to each other better. And you both need to start planning your nights out together. If you can't BOTH come to a decision on how to state your feelings AND decide what to do for a night out as an agreed couple, you will always have this problem.

Also, you seem envious of the fact that she has money to spend, and a little angry that she doesn't choose to spend any on you. It's difficult to sometimes put that into perspective when two people are dating. Although it's a pleasure to spend money on your significant other, it's a priviledge, not a requirement. If you choose to spend your money on your girlfriend, or if you choose to pay every time you both go out - that is your CHOICE and you should not expect it to be reciprocated.

In today's society, almost anything goes when it comes to the financial part of dating. Women even pay for themselves OR for their dates (example).

If your girlfriend does not choose to spend her money on you, that is her choice. However, one would assume that your girlfriend would want to contribute or offer. Why she doesn't spend money on you could be because she simply hasn't thought of it, or she is used to you paying all the time, or that what money she does have she wants to buy herself things. It also could be the way she was raised (old fashioned - man pays). Again, if you don't bring up your concerns to her, you will always feel like this. There is nothing wrong with asking her about this.

As for your girlfriend spending her money on extravagances (in your opinion), it's her money, and you have no say in how or what she chooses to spend, and no say in whether or not she's saving any of it. Dating does have fine lines, and that is one of them. Of course you can always suggest that she open a savings account, but if you do, it should be for HER best interest and not yours.

You really need to have an open discussion with your girlfriend on the making plans issue. A person can't make the decision to change if they think everything is fine - meaning, unless you make your girlfriend aware of your concerns, she may not know how much they bother you.





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