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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi Fury,

You sound like a real sweetheart and your GF is lucky to have you. The bball idea might sound like you're just trying to blow her off, unless she likes to come play too. But if she'd just be coming to watch you shoot around with some other guys, that might not be the best idea. I agree with a lot of what SaraLee said. You shouldn't have to do all the work and planning, and spending money in this relationship. If she's going to shoot your ideas down, then ask her what she wants to do and don't take "I don't know" for an answer. What she's doing really isn't fair and if she can't grow up a bit, then she really doesn't deserve a nice caring guy like you.

The other thing you could do is talk to her and tell her exactly what you said in your first post. Try not to put her on the defensive, just say, look I'm having a hard time figuring out how to please you. I want to spend time with you and make you happy, but it would really help if you'd contribute some ideas so I'm not stuck trying to read your mind. I also like the idea of taking turns planning dates, so she'll be forced to come up with some date ideas that she enjoys, while still being able to veto your ideas that really don't appeal to her. Or try to do some more low key and cheap stuff, like making dinner together, renting a movie, having a picnic, playing tennis or golf, going for a walk or hike, swimming, ice skating, arcade--it's not fair for her to expect you to make a big expensive event out of every date being busy with grad school and probably on a budget. Happy couples just enjoy their time together, and even the little things, the free things, can be just as fun and romantic as a fancy night out. But if you're unhappy, you really should talk to her about it, or else things will probably keep getting worse and you'll both grow more and more frustrated. Good luck working this out...and if she proves too high maintenance (or maybe just indecisive, boring, or uncreative--it's hard to tell from what you said), I just know there are tons of women out there who would love to date a guy like you!

Best wishes,
Stacy





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