It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

K, guys here's what is up right now. I moved out of state with hubby and my 2 daughters (ages 8 and 2) so that he could pursue a much better job. Im happy for him that he can do something that fulfills him and makes him happy. We moved to a WONDERFUL condo, its huge!!! The kids are doing great, they love the house too, and even my darned cats seem really happy. Never realized how much I hated our old house until we got here. We will have more money, the town is great, and on all of those levels, I have no complaints. I am now pretty isolated. I used to live near my parents, and friends and now I just have my family, at least for the moment. Its hard but Im getting by. Hubby and I have been made to spend more time together, which all in all is great, but Im depressed. I know its temporary, and circumstantial (a little bit of shell-shock I guess) but its hard to hide it right now. Ive been tearful, and have had some nightmares. Ive also been sick with what I guess is the flu, so that all doesnt help. The move was so crazy and fast, I think the same phrase kept running through my head every second of every day that this all was going on : flying by the seat of my pants! :D I know its funny but it so perfectly describes us, driving in our crappy cars out of state, with a big u-haul and towing one car, me with the 2 cats and guinea pigs, him BARELy able to drive the stupid truck!!! Plus we spent so much money to do all this: rent & deposit on the new place, renting a truck (400 at least) the many trips we took before the move to get him to meet his new employers, find a place to live. ..all the while Im praying my car wont die on us with all the back-and forth. Now Im just tired and tearful. I say Im going to the grocery and I drive alone down the street, just to get a chance to cry a bit. I feel so sad! Any moment I have alone, I tear up. Its hard, im trying to hide it from hubby, though he does pick up on it a little bit, I think. Hes been fine. Our anniversary was yesterday, but we had no babysitter, and no extra money for gifts. I didnt much feel like celebrating anyway, this was by far the worst year ever. To those of you who know me, Im sure you remember, to the rest of you :wave: , we came very close to divorcing, and did separate for a few months. Those problems are very much over now, and have been for some time. I just feel vulnerable. Every little thing means something. He turned me down for sex and I got very upset (thought it was a reflection of his feelings for me). I feel like ourr split before was all my fault, and that everything he does now reflects how poorly he views me. He never says "you're beautiful" anymore, which in and of itself shouldnt bother me, but I take it as an sign of how differently he sees me now. My looks havent changed at all, so he must think Im such an ugly person inside, and simply didnt see it before :confused: . Then i go through that whole stupid "he doesnt do___________ anymore because he doesnt love me as much as he used to". ITs so self-defeating, and I know lots of other girls on this board have touched on this subject about a million times. I think in this case that isnt what is happening, I am just depressed and unsure of myself right now. He isnt coming down on me-I am coming down on myself-- pretty hard too. I was unpacking his things the other day, and looking at his books, his work stuff and crying and wondering why someone so driven and successful would even give me the time of day. I mean, at one time he was a teacher, a coach, a youth-minister, and now he is in retail management, and I havent accomplished anything. Im having and raising kids. Period. IT seems as if everything that pops into my head is so incredibly painful. Im hopeful that when I get "out" more (id like a job) I will feel better. Right now I do feel overly-dependent on him. Ive compensated by not laying any of this on him. I just keep quiet-Im sure its hard for him too and I dont want to add to his stress. Memories hurt, beating yourself up hurts, but it doesnt stop me from doing it. I just want to be able to believe that he still sees me the way he used to-before all the bad stuff happened. I want to believe that I havent caused any permanent damage in how he looks at me. I bought some books today and was sad thinking about how he used to bring books to me all the time when he got off work. He isnt doing anything wrong to me. Dont get me wrong. HE still says he loves me, spends time with me, treats me well--Im just so freaking insecure that I dont accept those things very well. We arent in a rut, he still pays attention to me, Im just daily beating myself up. I go to bed everynight in tears, feeling guilty, lonely and unsure. And it is totally coming from me. He cant fix this for me. This battle is internal, he cant help me. So I dont tell him, so he doesnt get upset that he cant make it better. And I Further isolate myself. Im just venting guys. Im up late and I feel very sad and I have noone to talk to...

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:21 AM.

2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!