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Hi Liquidstar,

Don't ever feel bad about coming here to vent, sweetie! That's what we're here for. :wave: . Anyway, I see your situation one of two ways, which is mostly based on my college experience with my best guy friend. We went to a very good school, but we were by far the two most attractive people around and so everyone assumed we were a couple when we were just best friends. One thing to consider is if your BF's BF really hot? I think just the fact that my guy BF was always walking around with me, always in my classes, made him not want to be seen publicly with another, less attractive girl. I might be wrong about this, I might be wrong about everything I say, but I do think you'd be making a mistake if you ignore this girl. The fact that you posted about her shows me that you see her as some sort of threat to your relationship, and you may be right. It all depends on how she feels about him and how she sees your relationship. If she likes him, which CAN sometimes happen but not always, and he likes her, you're in big trouble, sorry to say. Most of the time though, in this situation, they'll put their friendship before any romantic/sexual feelings. Again, this is going to be hard for me to answer because I've always been one of the girls who hangs out with all the guys, even though I've almost always had a boyfriend. But I love guy friends: they can be friends, supporters, carry you home when you're drunk, and sometimes be exceptional lovers.

With your BF, I do think you have reason to be concerned. Not so much that he would cheat with his friend (here I'm thinking of him as my super hot college best friend=BF and me as his BF), but that you might not be as important a priority to him as he is to you. If you want to be with him, you have to trst him and treat this female GF like a guy friend of his. So many girls wanted my guy BF as a boyfriend, but hated me, because I was prettier, closer to him, and more important to him. He just didn't care about any of those girls and went through college without a serious GF (yes, we did hook up from time to time, as we understood each other and knew it wasn't a big deal). But even if we hadn't people saw us everywhere together and assumed we were a couple. Can you handle this if people think it about your BF and his girl friend? Honestly, if she got attitude with you I'd take it as a bad sign that she has some feelings for this guy and may succeed in keeping you two apart. With my best friend, if I saw him drunkenly hitting on a girl I didn't approve of (which he would ask me to look out for), I'd go up and hang on him, she'd get intimidated, and we'd go to bed together. My point is, the line between friend and boyfriend can get blurry, especially if they are both very attractive. To me now, it seems like she isn't on your side and one of yo will eventually have to present an ultimatum (you or her, either as a GF or as a friend like before). My guy BF never got in this position, but if a hopeful prospective GF would have said him or me, I bet he would have said me.

Anyway, no I don't think you're selfish by wanting to see him more often. When I'm with a BF, I want to be his first and main priority always. If he won't give you that, he's not totally committed to the relationship and I bet I know why...if you want a chance, I would try to befriend the girl and get her on your side. I've had tons of boy friends and they always rely on me to make decisions about which girls to keep or not, like I somehow know. If you're nice to her, not jealous and possessive (which no guy or girl likes), maybe she'll be on your side and talk some sense into him in terms of being a better BF. But if you alienate her...watch out, they'll be sleeping together soon if he finds her attractive. That attitude was not good, but there still might be time to salvage things. Good luck!

Best wishes,
Stacy





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