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Re: Epiphany
Oct 15, 2004
i had to reply to this one.

i had a bf of 3 years. in those 3 years i would say that he literally lied, cheated or stole from me at least 60% of that time. he was a drunk and infected my life totally. he moved in with me to my horse training facility rent free because he promised to do "maintenance" work. that never happened. i don't think he knew where the barn was. (it's only 200 feet long x 150 feet wide) obviously easily missed. he convinced me to use my credit so he could buy some equipment for a small construction company. i agreed and 50,000.00 later, (that's the failed business as well as credit cards that he maxed out) he began cheating on me. he was supposed to be sober as well, but, well, i don't think he ever meant anything he told me. how then could i be so stupid? what i thought was love is my only answer. i swear to you that i would fold up into a fetal position night after night after night after night because he never came home. i could go into this forever but the point here is that i loved him with more of my soul than i knew existed. it was like i was barrowing other peoples soul, just to have the strength to keep up this so called love.
i was changing the tv channel one day and something came over me and said "it isn't always going to be like this you know. it will come to an end and you will be free of this torture." just like that i swear!!! so there i was, realizing for the first time that these were all choices that i had made that ALLOWED me to get to where i was. he was never the person he advertised, and i wasn't the victim. i was a survivor. it took 2 months and he was gone. my mom had to take a 2nd out on the house so i could pay off his debt. i will be paying her back untill 2009.
what i though was going to be the end all be all of emotional suicides, ending the relationship, loosing my love, taking that leap was the easiest and best step i could have ever done.
i was destroyed because durring that time of him leaving and trying every trick in the book to guilt me into continuing to be his cash cow, my mom had to under-go an operation and my prized stallion died an awful death. literally all within a week.
a month later i met my now husband on-line. he is by far the most decent human being i have ever known. we were married 2 months from the day we met and i now have a son and a baby on the way.
the fact that you are free means that the person you are supposed to meet is able to find you, and these pains from other relationships teach us how to truly love.
Re: Epiphany
Oct 16, 2004
[QUOTE=nyxin]i had to reply to this one.

i had a bf of 3 years. in those 3 years i would say that he literally lied, cheated or stole from me at least 60% of that time. he was a drunk and infected my life totally. he moved in with me to my horse training facility rent free because he promised to do "maintenance" work. that never happened. i don't think he knew where the barn was. (it's only 200 feet long x 150 feet wide) obviously easily missed. he convinced me to use my credit so he could buy some equipment for a small construction company. i agreed and 50,000.00 later, (that's the failed business as well as credit cards that he maxed out) he began cheating on me. he was supposed to be sober as well, but, well, i don't think he ever meant anything he told me. how then could i be so stupid? what i thought was love is my only answer. i swear to you that i would fold up into a fetal position night after night after night after night because he never came home. i could go into this forever but the point here is that i loved him with more of my soul than i knew existed. it was like i was barrowing other peoples soul, just to have the strength to keep up this so called love.
i was changing the tv channel one day and something came over me and said "it isn't always going to be like this you know. it will come to an end and you will be free of this torture." just like that i swear!!! so there i was, realizing for the first time that these were all choices that i had made that ALLOWED me to get to where i was. he was never the person he advertised, and i wasn't the victim. i was a survivor. it took 2 months and he was gone. my mom had to take a 2nd out on the house so i could pay off his debt. i will be paying her back untill 2009.
what i though was going to be the end all be all of emotional suicides, ending the relationship, loosing my love, taking that leap was the easiest and best step i could have ever done.
i was destroyed because durring that time of him leaving and trying every trick in the book to guilt me into continuing to be his cash cow, my mom had to under-go an operation and my prized stallion died an awful death. literally all within a week.
a month later i met my now husband on-line. he is by far the most decent human being i have ever known. we were married 2 months from the day we met and i now have a son and a baby on the way.
the fact that you are free means that the person you are supposed to meet is able to find you, and these pains from other relationships teach us how to truly love.[/QUOTE]

Wow, what an amazing post, Nixin! It moved me so much I am almost crying. I am so happy for you that after such a horrible and dark experience, you had the strength to pick yourself up and met this wonderful man you deserved. :angel:





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