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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi intheforest,

The problem here may be just that you are coming out of the honeymoon period of this relationship, where (especially with your first BF) the other person really does seem perfect in every way. There are a lot of reasons why he might want to go out, but he probably doesn't want to say any of them to you (he's embarrassed that he still lives at home, he doesn't like hanging out with younger people, he doesn't like your friends, he's shy around people he doesn't know, he doesn't like to socialize period). I wouldn't push him too much on this issue because you might end up hearing something you don't like, and you're not going to be able to change him regardless. He doesn't have to escort you everywhere to be a good boyfriend, but he does have to be willing to compromise to make you happy.

If he continually refuses to come out with you when he has nothing else going on, knowing that you really want him there, that's just plain selfish. My sweetie likes quiet time and home and is never too happy to go out and socialize, so sometimes I go alone when it's me and a girlfriend, but when I ask him to come with me to hang out with a group of people at a club or party, he comes along because he knows it's important to me. I don't want to go alone and have everyone ask where he is, not have anyone to dance and snuggle with, and especially have to walk and drive alone late at night.

My advice would be: don't nag him to come to everything, but pick a few events that he might enjoy (for instance, he'd probably rather meet a big group at a bar than hang out at a house with just a few of your girlfriends) and give him plenty of warning. If he refuses to budge even a little, that's a big red flag that you may not be as important to him as you'd like, or that he might just be the kind of selfish, inflexible person that can't handle the sort of give and take (and compromise) that a serious relationship requires. I hope that's not the case...but pay attention to whether he's rigid or flexible about other aspects of your relationship. If he's only stubborn about going out, and he's willing to compromise a little on that, I don't think you have too much to worry about. Otherwise, it may be a sign of bigger problems. Good luck!





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