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[QUOTE=intheforest] He says he has nothing in common with them--he was mainly refering to my friends boyfriends, because he's trying to hang with the boys at these events and feels they have nothing in common. I guess he feels excluded. [/QUOTE]

I think this is the main problem. Your friends' boyfriends are probably around the same age as you and your friends--early 20s, right? This guy is 30 and obviously has very little in common with 22 or 23 year-old guys. It would be different if they were around 30 and he was 37, but at this stage, the gap in maturity and experience is big. When he's at these parties, he tries to hang out with the guys and to him, they must seem like just boys. But yes, I think he IS being selfish by always refusing to accompany you. I mean, what does he expect? He knew your age when he was getting into the relationship, and he should factor in the fact that most of your friends and their boyfriends will be significantly younger than him. And forgive me for asking, why, at 30, is he still living in a tiny room in his mother's house when he should be living on his own? Anyway, you will have to tell him that in a relationship, you expect your boyfriend to accompany you to social events. It's not like you ask him every week, and he should be able to make small sacrifices for you if he truly loves you. Otherwise, I'm afraid you will need to find a boyfriend who is closer to your age and will be happy to go places with you, and will relate to your friends. THat would be the best.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]I think this is the main problem. Your friends' boyfriends are probably around the same age as you and your friends--early 20s, right? This guy is 30 and obviously has very little in common with 22 or 23 year-old guys. It would be different if they were around 30 and he was 37, but at this stage, the gap in maturity and experience is big. When he's at these parties, he tries to hang out with the guys and to him, they must seem like just boys. But yes, I think he IS being selfish by always refusing to accompany you. I mean, what does he expect? He knew your age when he was getting into the relationship, and he should factor in the fact that most of your friends and their boyfriends will be significantly younger than him. And forgive me for asking, why, at 30, is he still living in a tiny room in his mother's house when he should be living on his own? Anyway, you will have to tell him that in a relationship, you expect your boyfriend to accompany you to social events. It's not like you ask him every week, and he should be able to make small sacrifices for you if he truly loves you. Otherwise, I'm afraid you will need to find a boyfriend who is closer to your age and will be happy to go places with you, and will relate to your friends. THat would be the best.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I am going to ask him if the age difference makes him uncomfortable. I just want to get to the root of the issue with no defenses up so we can move on. Haha, yes I agree it sucks he lives with his mom. Long story, but he is working on the apartment at his friends house (hence the excuse per my first post) so that he can move in there. Hopefully ASAP for my sake. And you're right, that is an expectation in my relationship. I expect him to accompany me to social events, why should i have to go by myself??
I have a brother-in-law who has been in my family for almost 30 years now.
We see him on Thanksgiving & sometimes on Christmas. He doesn't come to picnics, birhtday parties, etc.

He has Social Anxiety Disorder - and it has NOTHING to do with him not being there for my sister, or "choosing" not to go.
You may need to choose between not having this man in your social life, or not having him at all. Sometimes medication helps, but sometimes not.
The age difference may be a part of it - but it sounds more like he just can't go to these events at all... Can you accept this part of your boyfriend in order to continue the relationship if it is social anxiety disorder?
[QUOTE=Ruth6:11]I have a brother-in-law who has been in my family for almost 30 years now.
We see him on Thanksgiving & sometimes on Christmas. He doesn't come to picnics, birhtday parties, etc.

He has Social Anxiety Disorder - and it has NOTHING to do with him not being there for my sister, or "choosing" not to go.
You may need to choose between not having this man in your social life, or not having him at all. Sometimes medication helps, but sometimes not.
The age difference may be a part of it - but it sounds more like he just can't go to these events at all... Can you accept this part of your boyfriend in order to continue the relationship if it is social anxiety disorder?[/QUOTE]

Hi, you know, it is interesting that he may have some degree of social anxiety, because I have suffered from anxiety attacks and take celexa daily to prevent them! so i def. understand social anxiety more than most. i don't think thats his main problem though. heres the update: i talked to him after work that day to sort things out. he was HOPPING mad that i got so upset "over nothing". I explained to him it was important to me, and that if it wasn't i wouldnt have made a big deal. so while he misunderstood me, more also came out about why he didnt want to go. the friends we were going to be with at the apartment were going to be doing some drugs that we do not do, and since they arent his friends and he barely knows them yet, he didn't want to be hanging out with people that are on some drug he doesnt even do. i think it might have been different if it we were going out someplace, but i guess the idea of sitting in an apartment with that situation made him uncomfortable. i asked him if he will accompany me to future events and h e said yes. (i guess not those situations, but others that hell feel more comfortable with). as of now, we made up and explained to each other what we had misunderstood or were unaware of. im going to try to pick events that he will feel more comfortable at, and i guess just see what happens next time to see if it was an isolated event or a recurring issue. thanks for all the help!





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