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Hello,

NOTE: I'm a bit wordy, so this might take awhile, but it's a good read! ;) Also, I'm feeling a little strange writing this all out and my concerns aren't too great, but I thought a little input would be nice.

First of all, I am living w/ my bf. We have been together for 2 years, living together for one. Moving in together has been wonderful...we've never really fought too much in our relationship, but the disagreements seem less since we've been living together and we both really help each other out around the place, and support each other in other areas of our life... I love him dearly! He's a true sweetie. All in all, things are great. Our families get along *really* well and have each other over during various holiday periods. We have separate careers, and some separate interests which we take part in, and also spend time apart with our friends and other interests, however on top of this we spend a lot of time together (alone and with friends) and are very affectionate towards one another. It's a pretty good balance, I think.

We've talked about marriage before, and that was one of the reasons I moved in with him as he also agreed that it was a progression of our relationship. I know not everyone agrees with living together w/ a significant other, but for us it is normal and I wouldn't ever marry someone that I haven't lived with. Period. We both acknowledged that marriage was going to happen, but in time. We are both still young (late 20's) and are still establishing ourselves in our careers, trying to "move up the ladder" and become a bit more financially comfortable. We aren't rich, and right now due to the fact that I have recently resigned from a previous teaching job and now substitute teaching elsewhere, trying to get known within the schools, I am not getting work very frequently at this time in the school year (middle of October). I hope to get work more frequently as the school year goes on, but right now it is a bit tough financially for me, and I am trying to work towards some future goals (i.e. buying a house and a wedding at some point). I also work at a second job during the evenings to supplement the income. However, I really enjoy what I do, so I'm not at all unhappy about where I am right now, although hoping to teach full-time again within the next few years...

We (my bf and I) have both had really interesting lives up to this point, and have been many places. I, myself, have lived in a bunch of different places throughout my life, worked abroad, and have travelled quite a bit, too. My bf has had the same experiences. We love to travel and have been around Europe together, but that was awhile back. Last year, we vacationed together in another country, although it was a bit difficult with the fact that although I was also working full time, i wasn't making too much money. It was a bit of a financial strain, but he paid for a lot of it and REALLY wanted to go. The trip was a gift from him to me.

Now, this year, he would like to plan another trip. However, I do have a problem with it all. First of all, neither of us makes big bucks at this point in our lives...I don't know ANYONE around me, esp. people who are making oodles more money than us, that are able to travel once a year. It's a great idea, but realisitically...who can afford to do that? My bf thinks that with a $1000 bonus in December, it will be enough to fly 2 of us out and stay for a week-2 weeks in some warm country. No way! It would cost WAY more than that. First of all, I am just making enough money right now to pay the rent, bills, groceries, etc... so there is no way I can plan to save for a trip, even if it IS a few months away. I can't plan from one day to the next if I will be working, and saving money is a HIGH priority for me right now since I am paying off the last bit of my student debt. However, my bf is DEADSET on vacationing somewhere again this year...trying to find somewhere really cheap, but hot...that we can go to. I really admire the fact that he's totally into this, and has great intentions, but it stresses me out greatly as:
(a) I don't have any saved money and have a very unstable income right now
(b) I would like to start saving some money...we haven't done that too much since we've moved in together.

I brought up the prospect of postponing the trip for a year, in order to save money. My bf then replied that there was no way...that he wanted to travel this year. I understand that he works really hard through the year and doesn't get time off during the summer (as teachers do...but we DO earn it! I work, like 70 hour weeks when I'm teaching full-time and have no weekends). I told him about my money situation (which he obviously knows about - we live together!), and said then said that I wasn't comfortable taking off a week or two in February (when he would like to take time off of of his work to vacation) when I might actually be getting steady work. He seemed a bit put off by that, but hey...i have a point. If I'm not working much now, I sure as hell am not going to turn down 2 weeks of work in a month that I will, very possibly, getting some good, steady work AND exposure to different schools/people. I then said that March Break would be another option (but more expensive, as travel is always expensive during school holidays). He didn't like that idea too much, so then I mentioned the idea of not going anywhere for a year and saving money. My boyfriend then replied "I don't want to save money. I'm young and I want to travel."

Huh??

Where did this come from? A month ago he was talking about buying a house in a year or two, when we are both (hopefully) going to be working in higher paying jobs, but he doesn't want to save money right now? How is he planning on buying a house if he doesnt' have any money saved. It's not like the money is going to appear all of a sudden!

What it comes down to, and why I'm so upset, is that it's got me to thinking about long term plans. Why ~isn't~ he thinking about saving money? I am beginning to think that that little bio. clock is starting to tick ~ever~ so slightly and I am starting to think really seriously about getting married, buying a place...having kids in a ~very~ distant future. I would, in a couple of years, like to get married. My boyfriend is all of a sudden adamant that he doesn't want to save a penny at this point in his life. He hasn't really brought up anything about getting married since we moved in together last year, although he did mention wanting to buy a house togehter when we are both more established in our careers. About 2 months ago, I brought up again wanting to get married in time, and he agreed, but said "Let's get more established first." Well, how are we going to get established if we don't save any money?! On another note, his side of the family (extended included) is very liberal, as am I, however many of his relatives end up living together for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS and HAVING KIDS and then still living together for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS before getting married (they all stay together, but it just takes them a long friggin’ time to get married). I think he sees this as the norm, whereas my family…most of my rellies have lived together for a few years before getting married, but end up doing it in a much shorter amount of time. He knows that I do not want to live together for a long period of time before getting married, so he does know this. Also a family member close to him married a few years ago, and his partner cheated on him and they divorced, so I think that has jaded his views of marriage, although he says that it hasn’t. He is so affectionate and caring, and always calls me throughout the day when he is working, as do I (he just called here now, actually, to see how my day was going) and I don’t see things in our relationship that are out of whack, however this one issue has been chewing at me for a few days. It almost seems like he is saying these things, but not really following through on them.

Am I making a big deal out of all of this? We have a wonderful thing going between us, so I would like someone to shed some light on this.

Thanks for listening!





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