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Corey, you state that this poster should let her "wonder" what he is doing, and that being somewhat of a challenge is "exciting for them".

Ahem. Being a female past the stage of playing games :) (although games have a part on some level during the woo'ing process, up to a point), sometimes it's not always in a person's best interest to act like they are having the time of their life or are not concerned that a partnership has separated.

In this poster's case, if his partner is feeling very stressed about things, the last thing she will need to have more of, is stress. And sometimes, playing the "aloof game" can be very stressful, for both people, and can backfire.

It doesn't sound like this woman is playing games or hard-to-get for a sneaky reason (but it's early, and the true reason might come out and have everyone fooled - you just never know) - so to play games at this point and give the impression that "all is well" when this poster obviously cares for her would not be beneficial to anyone.

I don't think this poster should mope about and refrain from being social and "having a life", but I don't think he should play things up or act like he doesn't miss her, because he does. This doesn't mean that he should tell her every time they talk that he's lonely without her, etc. No-one likes a guilt trip, and everyone deserves the right to have space. But it's okay to let someone know you care about them, and you can do this in ways that doesn't make a person feel boxed it or pressured.

It sounds like although this woman has not been upfront (directly stated) about her reasons to pull back, at least she told him she needed some space. So she's being (probably) as honest as she can be right now with him. That deserves respect.

No games.
[QUOTE=Wowwwweeee]Corey, you state that this poster should let her "wonder" what he is doing, and that being somewhat of a challenge is "exciting for them".

Ahem. Being a female past the stage of playing games :) (although games have a part on some level during the woo'ing process, up to a point), sometimes it's not always in a person's best interest to act like they are having the time of their life or are not concerned that a partnership has separated.

In this poster's case, if his partner is feeling very stressed about things, the last thing she will need to have more of, is stress. And sometimes, playing the "aloof game" can be very stressful, for both people, and can backfire.

It doesn't sound like this woman is playing games or hard-to-get for a sneaky reason (but it's early, and the true reason might come out and have everyone fooled - you just never know) - so to play games at this point and give the impression that "all is well" when this poster obviously cares for her would not be beneficial to anyone.

I don't think this poster should mope about and refrain from being social and "having a life", but I don't think he should play things up or act like he doesn't miss her, because he does. This doesn't mean that he should tell her every time they talk that he's lonely without her, etc. No-one likes a guilt trip, and everyone deserves the right to have space. But it's okay to let someone know you care about them, and you can do this in ways that doesn't make a person feel boxed it or pressured.

It sounds like although this woman has not been upfront (directly stated) about her reasons to pull back, at least she told him she needed some space. So she's being (probably) as honest as she can be right now with him. That deserves respect.

No games.[/QUOTE]


Well it is a sort of a game, but I don't think of it like that. I see it that the two most likely scenarios is.. 1. She met someone else. In this case the only thing for him to do is meet someone else. Then she may come running back.

2. This one the most likely, Is that she is simply "bored" with the relationship, If this is the case, the worst thing to do is for him to call her and be at her beck and call, whenever she wants to talk. It's more of a change in attitude, where he is like "if she wants to talk to me, she will call me"

So call it a game if you would like, but as humans, we generally take things for granted, we want what we can't have. Blah blah. If he needs to have some discipline and not call, for the sake of raising a little bit of interest level. No games would be great in a perfect world, but it's not close to that.
Hi,

Corey: You are assuming that perhaps this woman has met someone else or is bored. I will give you those possibilities - however, I am going from the standpoint that this woman is a decent person, and so I am trying to look at this from the viewpoint that she has been honest with jwl, and truly is just stressed out as she has stated.

The thing is, no-one really ever knows what's in a wo/man's mind when it comes to the generalities of breaking up. Of course, there are the obvious reasons (ie., cheating), but if someone just states they need "space", that can really be a definition for [I]anythin[/I]g. Some people have a difficult time being direct simply because they don't want to hurt the other person or they want to keep the door open, or, or, or. Sometimes it's just a guessing game.

Being vague is easier for many people - it gives them a way out without having to regret anything else that could have been said, and a vague reason can always be "taken back" or restructured to fit that person's need (example: "I'm not stressed anymore, so let's start up again").

As for missing someone once they've gone away or play hard to get: I agree up to a point. Everyone comes to a moment in their life when they realize how they should be treating their partner. This can come from something on a large (breaking up and forever losing that person), or smaller (seeing your partner cry because you were hurtful) scale, or just personal growth (maturity). It's human nature (sadly) to think that the grass is greener on the other side. It's also human nature to want something we no longer can have. Sometimes people truly do learn from relationship mistakes AND get the opportunity to try again. But with that said, if a person no longer wants to be in a relationship, all the game playing or missing ISN'T going to get them back.

jwl,

As you know, time will tell whether or not this woman desires a re-committment in this relationship. It's up to you to decide how long you will decide to keep this option open.

There are only two roads to this as it pertains to your situation: She is either being vague with the intention of just staying friends (for whatever reason), or she truly needs some time to herself for things that she feels more comfortable dealing with on her own/feels that this relationship would hinder her overcoming her conflicts.

There will be a time when you will probably ask yourself other questions to rule out whether or not it's in your best interest to continue keeping romantically hopeful or not.





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