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[QUOTE=Elisabeth138]My boyfriend and I are sophomores in college and he attends a school that's 2 hours away and in a different state.

I'm sure we're not the only ones out there like this.

I'm here to post what has worked for us to get through these hard 4 years, and to ask what has worked/not worked for everyone else.

We were only dating 7 months before we each left for school, although we knew one another for 8 years prior and were best friends for 3, and have been dating for a little over a year and a half currently. I live at home, he (obviously) lives at school.

*We make "dates" to talk online or on the phone. We say things like, "Ok, but you're mine tonight!" if we talk earlier in the day and no plans were made by either of the person already. Treat this as a regular date...only emergencies can break it :)

*We have a 2 week rule. We can only be apart for one weekend at a time. It's only been 3 weeks once, when we first left for school, and didn't realize how bad it was!

*Never get off the phone angry or even the slightest bit upset. BIG no-no.

*I guess the overall thing to do is to treat it like the other person wasn't away by making use of instant messenger and the phone. Long-distance phone calls can get pricey, but that's what free nights and weekends on cell phones are for :).


Anyone else in a similar situation? Tell your story! And I wanna hear what other people do to get through this not-so-fun situation.

Or did you make it through the 4 years already? Any success stories?[/QUOTE]

Hi Elisabeth,

I had a serious long distance relationship in college. The main problem, besides the long distance, is that you both know each other as you were as young high school students, but over the course of college you may change and mature so much that you grow apart. I stayed with my HS BF through sophomore year, though it seemed an eternity! We found a cheap hotel halfway between our schools and met up every month or so, tried to spend short breaks at each other's school, and when he came home for breaks (his family lived near my school), we'd spend a lot of time together. It was really, really hard, but I think it can work.

Four years is such a long time to be apart, especially when so many exciting things are happening, you're learning and changing so much, and you're meeting so many new people. I hated being in a long distance relationship--seeing couples all around, having to be excited about just a phone call, not getting that daily quality time. It really takes a toll on a relationship. Ultimately, what ended my LD college relationship was that the guy turned out to be the wrong guy--our priorities, our values, and especially our future goals and expectations no longer matched. I was happy to end it and get that huge weight off my shoulders--it was such a relief to be able to date freely, and soon after I met the most amazing guy, my perfect match, and I couldn't believe what I had missed out on getting to spend every day and every night next to him. I hope you make it through this, but only if he's the right guy. You may have been perfect for each other in HS, but by the time you graduate, you may have grown in different directions and in some ways, wasted the freedom and experimentation that college offers.

Personally, I hated the moping, counting the days until I saw him, and feeling empty without his presence. But if it had been with my current sweetie, it would have totally been worth it. Have you considered the possibility of one of you transferring to be closer? It seems like such a shame to spend such a wonderful, fun 4 years full of such opportunity without someone to share it with, missing out on what college has to offer because you're missing someone all the time. Especially with him living at school, having a blast probably, and you at home, I'm not sure if you'll be happy with this relationship in the long term. It's good that you have rules, but do you really want to be tied down to such a restrictive type of relationship during college, especially with the guy in question? I would give this some long, hard thought. Maybe it will turn out wonderfully, but it will cause you a lot of stress, loneliness, and sadness over four years, and may keep you away from a guy who is better suited for you as you develop and change over the next several years. It's impossible to say...for the most part, I think there are very few success stories. These people, who know for sure they want to be together despite the costs, probably find a way to be together before long. Otherwise, most college LD relationships that start in high school end by the time sophomore, or at least junior, year starts. You just go through so much during college, separately, that people tend to grow apart and meet people who are better suited for them at that particular stage in life.

Anyway, I wish you all the best if you're convinced that you want to make this work. I would strongly suggest finding ways to see each other as much as possible, and ideally, moving close enough so you don't have to have a LD relationship. Some people can manage it, but many others have a lot of trouble, especially at such a young age when people are changing and developing new interests and attributes so rapidly. I really hope you end up happy and have a great time at college--I just hate to see people (including me) waste college, wishing time away until they can see their sweetie again, and miss out on so much that's right in front of them. Anyway, if you make it through this, you know you can survive anything, and if not, than you weren't meant to be. It's hard to know someone in HS and decide you want to be with them forever anyway--people are so immature and have so much growing to do that I think very few people end up compatible in the long-term with people they loved in HS. Anyway, good luck :) . I hope this wasn't too depressing of a response; I'd love to hear more from you about how things turn out in the future, and I hope you're happy no matter what!





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