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Re: Backsliding!
Oct 28, 2004
Hi Red,

DON'T call him. STOP driving by his house. Again, he ended things, he isn't calling you to reconcile, and you don't want to embarrass yourself (or become a nuisance). Keep your self-respect.

Again (and this goes also to CoreyP), I think trying so hard to ignore him at this point so much is causing you additional grief in the work place. I do think that you can relieve some internal stress by making the decision to be work buddies, and that could mean initiating some friendly IMs yourself. That does not mean to expect anything more in return than friendly conversation. This is not game playing at all. It's just being able to let some of the emotions fall into a different place at work by looking at how things are (as it pertains to this situation) in a diffierent way, and reacting on the same level.

Again, no-one ever really knows what another person is thinking or what's behind their motives all the time. If this man wanted to reconcile, he would have been in touch with you about it. Going only from your posts, he does not want to make enemies with you or stop surface contact - but he clearly isn't initiating anything more than that.

Understandably, it isn't "fair" that one person gets the make the decision to break up, and then makes the decision to try to keep in contact. And really, you have no control over that. That only thing you have control over is how you are choosing to react to this situation. It doesn't mean that you have to be the one to follow his lead (maintaining friendly occasional contact), but if it's emotionally easier for you professionally or personally on some level to have some contact with him as buddies or friends, then you should try to react more to him on a friendly level at work than as an ex-girlfriend.

You should try to stop "keeping watch" for him at work. This kind of tracking is only feeding the anxiety you have over the breakup, and will keep you in a higher state of sensitivity to things. You need to make the decision to accept HIS decision to end the relationship - and you should really stop doing any more drive bys or calls.

Again, keep it light and friendly at work. But no more ex-girlfriend unhealthy behaviors from this point, on.





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