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Relationship Health Message Board


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I have been dating a seemingly awesome guy for a few weeks. Met him in the law office (real estate related) I work in; he is educated, has a great job, nice house and car, and we had an INCREDIBLE connection almost immediately. Well, the state I live in has all public offenders past and present online, so, out of curiosity, not really thinking I'd find anything, I looked him up. Oh, my GAWD! He has done time, y'all! :eek: At first, I was shocked and my gut reaction was to run the other way, and FAST! I decided to do a little investigating to find out more. I talked to a very nice lady at the Dept of Corrections twice and I also went right down to the courthouse and looked at his entire record on microfilm! Public info is great! :D

So, I found out that he got in trouble for theft by receiving stolen property, which led to a theft by conversion charge and involved heavy machinery which coincides with the work he does... No violence in his record at all, but he did end up pleaing guilty to these charges. I also found out that all this was 10 years ago, back in 1992 and 1993 and he's been clean since. Instead of breaking up with him, I decided to sit on this info, keep my eyes and ears open, and listen carefully to everything he says and maybe ask a few "innocent" questions to guage the honesty of his answers based on what I know. Without coming right out and admitting his record to me, he has told me that he used to "do whatever it takes to close a deal", even some "bad stuff", but has grown up, has come to live "more morally", and changed his life in past years when he saw the hurt he caused his family (he's divorced, 40 years old, 2 daughters). He talked on and on and ON about how he believes people can change and how he does not want me to judge him based on his past mistakes. All this he said without knowing I know of his past record. Also, he hasn't told me anything that is at direct odds with what I know, like... The dates he tells me he did stuff do not conflict with the dates he was incarcreated... He has just omitted those details so far.

He also told me last night he felt comfortable sharing things with me and, indeed, has told me personal things about what went wrong in his marriage and also that he wanted me to talk to him if ever there was something bothering me. Should I tell him what I know? Or, keep quiet and wait to see if he eventually tells me? Remember, our relationship is still pretty new... If it were me and I had done these things but really changed, I'd be VERY hesitant about who I told, especially if they were someone new I was involved with and especially if they worked in my attorney's office, which I do!!


Of course, it may just be what I want to hear, but is it possible he did make these mistakes 10 years ago and has changed... and maybe (rightfully) is scared to tell me of his record yet since our relationship is so new?


He just seems so great, it's hard for me to believe he is a criminal! If he has really changed and is everything he appears to be otherwise, he is worth it to me. What do you think?

Thanks in advance! :wave:





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