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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Nov 5, 2004
Hey everyone. :wave:
I've been struggling very much lately and I'm trying to get to the root of my anxiety/paranoia problem so as to vanquish it forever!!! Something happened to me a while ago in my current relationship and I'm wondering what your thoughts are as far as it contributing to my insecurity.

I started dating my boyfriend last January. I was living with a roommate (call her Ann) and we had a close friend (call her Tanya). Tanya wanted my man from the start, and Ann hated the fact that I was always spending the night at his house instead of being home hanging out with her. She resented my new relationship as if my bf was taking me away from her. Very immature. Anyway, one night I was told by a VERY close, dependable friend (Donna) that my bf was seeing his ex behind my back. Donna confessed that she had heard this from Ann and Tanya, who found out through one of my bf's friends (who, by the way, resented my bf in the same way Ann resented me- jealousy and feeling abandoned).

I immediately confronted my bf about this. He was shocked and disturbed, not knowing where it came from. Very upset. He assured me that he does speak to her from time to time but that they are just friends and if he wanted to be with her, he would (and not be with me).

So I left it alone. I had no proof either way, and all I knew was that the people involved in this little story were all people who didn't want my bf and I to be together for various reasons. I decided that I was going to figure out who was lying to me because it was driving me crazy.

This is where I began to lose my sanity...

I bought books on detecting lies through body language and voice tone, I started checking his cell phone call history and his internet usage. But I also, through the "tips" in the book I bought, found a way to TRAP Ann in a lie. It worked perfectly because I had educated myself. It was just a small detail of the "story", but irregardless it was a lie. She had the motive and she told a lie. I believed my bf. I also came to find out that poor Donna had been used as a "pawn" because Ann and Tanya knew I would believe her before I believed them. Which is true.

Anyway, flash forward 10 months... I am now extremely insecure and have become obsessed with catching people in lies and finding out the truth. I thought I had decided that this was just a rumor and it wasn't true and I trusted my bf. But I constantly question it and it drives me crazy.

What I guess I am asking is your opinions on this ridiculous mess. By bf does communicate with his ex from time to time, but insists they are just friends. He went out with her ONCE at the very start of our relationship and it was just to the movies as friends and he told me about it days before. He wasn't trying to hide anything. I believe that he can just be friends with his ex's. I know I can.

From all this, do you think I can rest assured that this was just a rumor started by some immature, selfish "friends"? I just want to know the truth. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder now and it's just not fair that I have to live this way. Maybe even some tips I can use to truly uncover it once and for all??

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