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Relationship Health Message Board


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Re: Trust..
Nov 15, 2004
Actress,
I struggle with the same thing. I think a lot of it is paranoia and obsessive negative thoughts. It's like these thoughts just invade your head and you can't get them out. I hate that I think them and it only makes it worse. Contrary to popular opinion, I honestly do not think it's necessarily a self-esteem issue. I think it's more of a paranoia brought on by stress or anxiety. You have to find a way to control the negative thoughts and STOP them.
I truly can relate. I have let my paranoia get me into insane situations where I have the urge to follow my boyfriend home from work or install a surveillance camera somewhere in his house. I analyze every little thing he does (like what he wears to work, thinking "is he dressing up more today than normal?"). It's a sad, sad life. I wish I could feel trust but I just can't. I know it's my problem, and that he's not cheating on me. Same with you. He's not cheating on you. Say that over and over to yourself. Think of all the nice things he does for you. Let go of the need to know where he is at all times and the fear that he's not telling you the truth sometimes. It's no way to live. Try a couple of these tips:
When you find yourself obsessing over this, visualize yourself screaming STOP, or visualize a car screeching to a stop... anything that is symbolic of a really quick violent stop. It's hard at first but just keep practicing and eventually you will get the negative thoughts to stop.
Also try imagining yourself releasing your hold on your life... giving it over to God... letting God control what happens to you. Stop trying to make your life happen and just let Him do it. Sit back and go with the flow. This will only work, of course, if you believe in God. It will get you to realize that you can't always control what happens to you. YOu can only control how you react to it.
You could also try "catching" your negative thoughts. Stop them and then catch them and write them down. Then you can look over it and think "Oh jeez, do I really think that's what's happening??"
I know how it feels. I wish I could offer you more advice. Try seeing a psychologist. You seriously might benefit from some kind of anxiety/depression med depending on your physical symptoms when you have these thoughts.





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