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Relationship Health Message Board


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If any of you remember my last thread called "I think he just ended it!!!", I am currently dating someone who is 14 yrs older than I, and he did end it, but is back again. He is gone alot on business, and does some side work for our company that I work with. So therefore I will still have to see him at work. Not alot, but about a day a week.

We have had weeks that we don't talk much at all, and other weeks where we talk all the time. The interest level for him seems to rise and decline often. Therefore I am convinced that maybe we are not for one another.

I was the one who didn't want to get serious with him at first, and he really wanted to. Then when I decided I wanted to he had started to pull away. Then he started calling again, and appologizing and called all the time while he was away. Last time he was gone was last week. He called me last Sat. and we talked, he called Sunday, I wasn't home, then he didn't call me again until Thursday even though he had been home since Wed., and I didn't see him until Friday. I was basically convinced that it was over, he lost interest, and then I seen him again Saturday for about an hour. He called me lastnight and we talked for a few hours.

He seems really into it now. He tells me how lonely he is and wants me to be there with him more. He seems like he is always alone and hates it. He was talking about Christmas presents and spending new years together. He couldn't wait to have me stay over night & tells me how much he misses me and can't wait to hold me. He calls my parents house for me once in awhile and has conversations with my mom,and says he wants to meet them. He wants to spend the night at my place with me.

I'm just starting to get sick of the drama. I do like him, but his ups and downs are getting old. I think that I should end things between us but I just want to do it in the best possible way, and the least hurtful way. He is really a nice guy. Maybe it's the age gap that's making it harder. We are still going to have to be around each other at times.

Any suggestions would be great.
I couldn't do it! I like him so much! I really think that I may have fallen for him. This hurts so bad!

Lastweek I was with him Monday night, he ask me to go with him on a evening business trip he had to make that was about 2 hours from here, and I did. We had a great time. He asked me to stay overnight, but I was so tired that I went home. Tuesday night I did stay over at his house. Wednesday night he came to my house, then we went to his house. He asked me alot if I would spend the night with him but I really didn't want to. Thursday I worked late and he had asked me to come after work, so I went home to feed my pets and called him with the intention of going out. He was sort of cranky on the phone so I didn't mention it and stayed home. Friday night I called him and couldn't get ahold of him, so I went out for the evening. He called & left a msg on my phone that he was going to his friends house and would be going in the woods with his friends the next night. I was ok with that and called him back to let him know that I would like to see him before he left Sunday. Well I waited and waited Sunday for him to call and he didn't. Finally about 1:30 in the afternoon (he usually leaves at 11:00 am) I called him and told him that I was sick of waiting and that I was leaving & he could call me on my cell. I waited around the house for like 10 mins or so to see if he was going to call me back. No call. Then I went to leave and turned on my cell and he had left a msg telling me that if I wanted I could meet him in town, but he's leaving in 1/2 hour, if not he would call me throughout the week. The msg was already 10 mins old (he must left me the msg right after I left his), and it takes 20 mins to get there. So I didn't have time. And I didn't get a phone call throughout the week.

He just came back today. He came to the office. He said a few things to me, and mentioned that he was going back in the woods tonight, and then he is leaving again on Sunday. That's it.

When we are together he is the sweetest person. He likes to be close and lay together on the coach to watch tv. He tells me how much he likes me, and even tells me that he loves me from time to time. He wants to spend every minute with me that he can...when he's interested. He asked me lastweek if I wanted to be his grilfriend (which I already thought I was) and I said "sure" in a sarcastic tone, because we've been dating a few months now. He tells me how much he will miss me when he's gone for the week.

I don't get his moods. I've never told him how much I like him or that I love him. But after lastweek, I really think that I am falling for him. Then I get the cold shoulder again!


The drama i s really getting to me. I was to the point that I thought I wanted to break up with him, but I can't when I feel so deeply for him!

I know alot of you will say, you deserve better, don't waste your time, and I know that. But I'm wondering if anyone had any suggestions of things that I could say to him to let him know how much I care for him, and don't want to loose him. I just want to get it out in the open. If he doesn't respond to that then I know it won't work.

Any suggestions? This is killing me.
Anybody?

I am having trouble getting close to him, but yet I think that I love him! I would love nothing more then to spend every day with him when he is home. I want so bad to spent the nights with him when he asks me, but I know that I would be even more in love with him if that's what I did! Then if this was to happen then, I would be even more of a mess. Or maybe that's why it happening anyway.

Maybe he's getting frustrated again. Because I won't tell him that I love him (which I think that I do, but didn't want to say), and because I won't spend the nights with him (even though I want to). I'm doing that to save myself from getting hurt, but maybe that IS why I am getting hurt!

I'm so upset! I love him. I know I do. I've known that I do even when I'm with him. But I've never had someone who's interest level fuctuates so much. Is it because I am not showing him that I care like I should? Because I do, I really do. I've liked him for so long before we got together. It seems awful that when I get my chance with him I turn him off by being too nervous about getting hurt.

He just makes me so nervous that's why i'm trying to protect myself and holding back when he asks to be with me all the time. I'm scared. Scared for this reason! And I think me being scared is what is causing what i'm scared of!!

I don't want to loose him, how should I let him know that? I love him. I don't think that it is officially over yet, but I think that it's on it's way. HELP!
I have to agree with the other posters here--it seems like this guy is more concerned about himself than anything else, and I don't think any woman can change that. On top of the age difference and his drama, I wouldn't pursue anything. You wouldn't want to fall in love with someone you work with and have it end badly, with at least one of you getting really hurt. Reddoorblack can tell you how awful it is to work with a guy who broke your heart. Or it could turn into some sort of sexual harassment issue and end up with one of both of you fired...it just doesn't seem to be worth the hassle. Yes, women like the idea of a mysterious guy with plenty of stuff going on, but if a guy is completely into you, he'll give up whatever he did before and want to be with you as much as possible. My SO is very sexy in that way--we went to the same college and I know that many girls wanted him because he was nice and friendly but also very aloof and private--he didn't let girls get too close, but then when we met I was like WOW! I decided to see if he pursued me and sure enough he tried to play it cool but ended up calling very regularly and trying to make plans whenever possible. Within a few weeks we moved in together and now it's been almost two years and every day is better than the last. Any guy will change his ways and become consistently available to the girl they find that they feel is irresistible. If he's acting like this now and doesn't shape up, either he's too immature to be serious about, or he's just not that into you. I don't mean that to sound too blunt, but that's just my take of the situation. It's like they say, the guy that makes you cry isn't worth crying over, and the guy who is worth crying over won't make you cry. Well, it's the same thing with waiting around, all that drama, and feeling like things are up in the air. Even the most reserved, private guys will definitely let you know if you are a woman he is crazy about, and never let you feel confused about the strength of his feelings for you. That's just my take--I don't know if that will apply to your situation, but I hope it helps and that whatever happens, you end up happy. Good luck :) .





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