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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


RSG, boy, do I know what you're going through!! I was brought up pretty much the same way, very strictly with rather overprotective parents. I also moved back home after college. But trust me, believe me when I say your moving out on your own will not kill your parents. They survived you going away to college, didn't they? I know that even in a way, it's nice to feel as though your parents need you. But you have every right to move out on your own and be self-sufficient. I think when you are truly ready to do so, you will find a way to just get out there and do it. I always thought I couldn't afford to be on my own, and in a way, I couldn't, but one day I just made the decision to. It was just time. So I just found a nice, cheap apartment and did it. I struggled for a while, but everyone does. It's just part of learning to trust yourself and know that you can depend on yourself. You'll never fully be able to feel as though you can take care of yourself until you do.
As far as your parents directing you, I'm almost 40 years old and my mother still calls me to make sure I lock my doors and turn the heat on when it's cold and eat right and get enough sleep, etc etc etc. That's just who she is. When I still lived with her it did drive me crazy. Now, I can just accept that she's never going to change, it's just her way of showing me she loves me. I just smile to myself and say "yes, mom." I've often asked her when she's going to stop being a mother and she always says "never."
The main pitfall that I think you should be aware of is taking the bad habits and incorporating them in your own way of relating to people. My mother was also very particular about how things should be done i.e. you always rinse the mop out in the utility sink downstairs, NEVER in the kitchen sink, too unsanitary. NEVER use a really sharp knife to cut meat on her good china, etc etc etc. Without realizing it, I became like her, even despite my best efforts, and I think this contributed to my losing my ex boyfriend. I strongly suggest getting out on your own and living on your own at least 6 months before you really attempt a serious relationship so you'll be more accustomed to being who you want to be, and your parents will leap out of your mouth less and less.
The good news is your parents love you very much, and there are worse things for parents to do. The bad news is, you do have some things to overcome, but if you keep your eyes and heart open, stay flexible, you'll be ok.





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