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[QUOTE=StormGirl]Well guys, I certainly have hit rock bottom. I'm afraid to say that it's over, although just to type it is horribly painful. I can hardly breathe. I didn't go to see him. I didn't need to. I sent him a message at midnight to say happy birthday (a tradition of ours) and he did not acknowledge it. Neither did he acknowledge the 4 phone calls I made during the day to say happy birthday. And he didn't even respond to the last message I sent him to say that I hoped he has a nice birthday, that I have a gift for him that I would like to give to him. I told him that I loved him and wanted him to be happy, and that if he didn't reply, that I would understand and walk away. So now I must.You're right Elated, nothing that I have gone through in the last 4 weeks is anything compared to this, nor has it prepared me very well. The only comfort I have is that I tried. Oh God, did I try. But it hurts too much to keep continuing, so I have to let go now. I don't want to, but I know that I have to. Just writing this is making me sob my heart out. I feel so low right now. Making the decision gave me some peace, but I am shattered. I always try to be a good person, where did I go wrong?

I would write more, but I just can't.[/QUOTE]

Hey Stormgirl. I know its through a computer, but I'm here for you. I know how bad it hurts that someone you invested so much into can just ignore you like this. Its so immature of him. Thats what hurt me the most. The fact that he didn't even want to hear my voice, or reply to an e-mail. No matter how many ways I tried to contact him he just ignored me like I didn't exist. That hurt.

You didn't go wrong. I know that you will question yourself alot right now and that is normal. You did the best you could. I promise you that in time you will see that you really did nothing wrong. I pondered that too. Somethings aren't meant to me. I know, everyone says that, but its true. I'm not going to feed you all this right now as I know how bad you are hurting. In fact, I know the EXACT pain you feel. This is rock bottom, stormgirl so you can only go up from here. Yes, you'll have slips and yes you could come back down to this place, BUT if you can get through this then you can get through it all.

I don't have many words today as I actually just would love to give you a hug and lay there with you and show you that its going to be okay. I felt so alone when this happened to me. Sometimes I literally felt like I was going to die. I just couldn't imagine life without him and when I did I fell to my knees sobbing.

People say good comes out of every bad. If I didn't go through what I am going through just weeks ahead of you then in noway would I relate to what you are going through. I mean, your situation is SO similar to mine it is almost freaking me out. From his reasons, to his ignoring...its all TOO similar. I'm glad I can be here for you. I'm glad that I went through this first before you so that I can be here for you and try and show you the light at the end of this dark hole.

Remember, you did NOTHING wrong. Try not to focus on the big picture, but rather focus solely on today. Try your best to clear your mind and not analyze it. Worrying and analyzing it only makes it worse. The outcome is the same regardless how you handle it emotionally. No amount of "what if" thinking will change things. So try to just nip that "what if" thinking in the bud. When you start thinking about it all and feeling overwhelmed tell yourself that you aren't going to think about it. Nurture yourself right now and do not hate on yourself. Love yourself like you love your boyfriend. Only you can take care of you.

I know you said you really aren't into prayer. If it gets really bad, you may want to try it. I'm not sure I could have got through this without God and I can't tell you how much more spiritual I am now. Some things, like this just don't make any sense. So if you feel like it, give it a shot.

Hang in there. Please post again when you feel like it so I know you are okay. Hang in there. I promise that it WILL get better. Together, me and you are lost in the woods..I'm 10 steps in front of you so trust me about this and we'll get through this.





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