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Well my boyfriend called me yesterday and asked for his car back as he wants to sell it (I have been driving it for a couple of years now). So all day I thought of things to say and prepared myself... there were things that I thought I needed to say to him, even if he didn't respond, that would at least make me feel better for having said them. But what did I do? I froze up. Couldn't say a word. I just gave him his keys, and asked if he would like to talk, as I thought there was no point even trying if he was not going to listen anyway. He said no, that he would call later (which I knew he wouldn't) and at this point I was barely holding back the tears - I guess it felt like a bit of a final blow for me. I wanted to at least maintain some dignity, and just managed to shut the front door before bursting into tears. I really do not want to appear to be the hopeless girlfriend, but I guess I can't help how I feel. I saw his parents and they too are concerned. No one knows what to do.

But I fully agree with everything that Wowwwweeee said. I guess in my heart I know it's all true, but it's hard to admit it to yourself. Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear. It also made me see things from another perspective which was very helpful. It has perhaps helped me to find a little peace in a difficult circumstance. And it's true that no one can really understand a very depressed person, and I can never even begin to understand if he doesn't want to share it with me. But I do know what it is like to wake up every morning and know that I have to let go of the most important thing of my life, and it is terrible. I miss him very much.

So I guess that i will just have to let him go.... yes, it hurts like hell and I have some very weak moments where I want to give in and try to help him or speak to him or tell him I love him, but I try to remember then that it will not achieve anything and I will only end up more hurt. It's hard to rationalise when you don't understand why, and I would like to think that if he was doing this just because he didn't want to be with me anymore that he would at least tell me. I guess I am afraid mostly because my first long term relationship of 5 years ended when my bf at the time told me he needed space, but kept me hanging around until I found out 8 months later that he had been seeing another girl the whole time. I just don't understand why people have to be like that. I would like to think that my boyfriend would not do that to me, but I feel like I was wrong about so many other things, that I could be this time too. Once bitten, twice shy I suppose.

Thanks again everyone.
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]Stormgirl-
Your post literally brought tears to my eyes. You are such an awesome girl with a great heart. Man, did your guy make a big mistake. :rolleyes: So many people are selfish and you stormgirl are really so giving, understanding, and a true friend. It is funny how much you touch me through a computer screen. , my holiday buddy.[/QUOTE]

Hey Elated, you have no idea how much I feel the same. I always get a little teary when I read your posts. I guess it's overwhelming that someone can care so much.

You know, you've raised a good point. We sit around and feel bad because of the things we are missing about them. But what about the things we aren't missing about them? I think the thing that I miss least is the worrying and pressure of trying to maintain a relationship all by myself. I wish I had of had the luxury of being able to sit back and just go with things while someone else put in all the hard yards. I guess sometimes we forget the not so good things and concentrate way too much on the good things. We need to concentrate on the not so goods, so we can stop selling ourselves short.

I am so proud to see you feeling inspired again Elated. I know some of it may be show, but it's good to at least hear that you are thinking about those things... and looking to the future. I'd never judge you Elated. When I broke up from my first long term boyfriend I did the same thing. And you know, at the time it was the right thing for me. Now, I just feel safe in my own little world and don't want to let anyone in. There are other reasons that I know I shouldn't feel, but I do. Firstly, you know how he said he still loved me unless I'd given him reason to? Well I guess that stills plays on my mind a little. I shouldn't care how he would feel, but I do. And it helps me to feel guilt free. I suppose I'm still hoping a little. Obviously I am not really interested either. I just think that if this relationship didn't work out, I don't want to be in one for a while, or any semblance of one. And... are you ready for this one... I haven't bothered doing my bikini line for some time (I am very pedantic about my bikini line), so there's NO WAY I'm gonna let anyone anywhere near me!!! :jester: HAHAHAHA!!! See I told you we all cope in different ways!!!

I've come to the conclusion that I don't care if I am alone. I really do, but I try to convince myself that it's okay if I am. I suppose it helps us hey? It just annoys me that all my friends are married/kids etc and most don't even appreciate it. And here's me, for the past 11 years trying to accomplish what they have and... well, here I am talking about it. This isn't how I had imagined my life would be, but it's now time to take stock and try to change the things that I do have control over. It's disappointing that I grew up thinking my life would be a certain way, and the dream fell apart one day. But watching you be brave Elated, I know that I can do it too.

I have to admit that I nearly called/messaged him last night. I didn't, but it's the closest I've been in some time to doing it. I don't know why... I guess I still have the fantasy that he will wake up one day and realise what a mistake he's made in the way he has treated me and charge up to find me and beg me to give him another chance. HA, talk about watching too many movies. I guess we can all dream can't we? Maybe it's with Christmas coming. I haven't had a Christmas without a boyfriend for the last 11 years, but seeing that I'm almost 27, I think I'm a big girl now and can handle it. I actually don't even mind being on my own, it's just that I don't want to be here without him. Anyway... enough!!!

Elated, I hear what your saying about nothing being certain. But again, I have to tell you not to let the bitterness of what has happened affect you. Yes you may be a little wary next time, but don't go into something always thinking that the bad will come. It may not. And your ability to keep giving and loving when you feel that all is lost, well that's what makes you so special. Don't ever lose that. It's what makes us good people. And if nothing else goes right, at least we can look inside ourselves and be happy and proud with the good people that we are. Not everyone can do that. The people who have hurt us will one day look inside and feel empty and unsatisfied. We never will because we haven't hurt anyone, and have always been giving and loving, even when our chips were down... we still fought on.

I am really so proud of you Elated. Your inspiration may not be a reality yet, but the intention to make the most of your future and march on is there, just brewing and will grow stronger everyday. You are a truly beautiful person, and God will not overlook that. :angel:


PS. rd, where you at? How are things rolling along for you? Give us an update?
Oh Destiny... I had a feeling that you would contact him - call it female intuition!!! I'm not going to tell you that you did the wrong thing though, cause I know what it's like. Overall, it is the wrong thing to do, but everyone is different and has different ways of coping, and it seems to have made you feel a little better, then made you feel sad again. Who am I to say anyway...???

Correct me if I'm wrong, but he does have a girlfriend right? First of all, I think what he is doing to her is wrong. And if you were to end up with him, don't you think he'd only do the same thing to you? Also, if you know that he would only ask you to see him for sex, why would you bother? It will never make you happy because you'd want more, and I would certainly say that you deserve more. I'm sure that you are very attractive, have a lovely personality, and have alot to give someone... so why would you settle for anything less than what you deserve? I know, cause you love him. I don't mean to sound horrible, but I don't think he loves you. He probably likes you very much and he probably gets from you whatever is lacking in his relationship with his girlfriend, but remember, he has made the choice to be with her... and is now using you because you probably make him feel good. Mind you, these are only my observations. I don't know the whole circumstances, but regardless, I am not going to stop telling you that you deserve better!!! :) It's easy to forget the bad things, but remember what he did to you when you were "together". He lied and practically used you physically as well as emotionally. Does that sound like someone who loves you? I know that if I found out my bf had been with another woman, or ever chose another woman over me, I would never go back. No excuses, no explanations. You make your bed, so lie in it. If he has to go somewhere else to decide if he really loves me, then he's not worth my time. I remember when my first boyfriend told me that he had decided to be with someone else (after keeping me around for about 8 months while he tested the waters), I said okay, I wish you all the best. We'd been together for 5 years, and everyone thought that we would get back together etc etc etc. But there was no way. And believe me, he tried. And I missed him, but there was not a chance of taking him back after he looked into my eyes and told me that he had made the choice to be with someone else, and that he thought it was a good decision. When it turned out it wasn't... oh well, too bad. I'd moved on and was happy with my current boyfriend. I just see it as the ultimate betrayal, and once you make a decision like that, you gotta be prepared to stick with it.

Destiny, I wish you could see things the way that I do, but I know exactly how you feel. It seems to me that he is only using you and doesn't seem too concerned with your feelings, and I wish so much more for you. Don't feel guilty about contacting him, sometimes it is the only way to let go. When you get kicked in the teeth so many times, you realise that it's not worth it anymore. I know that you want it to happen so badly, but truth is, he has a girlfriend that he seems in no hurry to leave. So this meeting up with him etc, is not only deceiving his girlfriend, but you are only deceiving yourself.

I would dearly love to tell you that things are going to be okay. And eventually they will, but most likely, not with him. With all of your wonderful attributes, you should have no problems finding guys who actually want to be with YOU, and treat you like a queen. You just have to give it some time, and allow yourself time to heal from this one. I hate to be the bringer of bad news, and I hate to think that I might hurt your feelings, but you know deep down that it's true also.

You are a sweet girl, and I only want what's best for you. I would like to see you happy, not torn. And to tell you the truth, I don't think this guy deserves to have such a wonderful girl like you.





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