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Relationship Health Message Board


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I would just be honest with the new guy and tell him that you were hurt very badly in the past relationship, and have had a difficult time recovering from it. Admit that you know it's your issue, but that you are really trying and want to get through it.
I am going to say this and please don't take it the wrong way. But this is truly how I feel about these types of things: Here goes:

Everyone, and I mean everyone has been hurt & devestated by someone at some point in their lives. No human is ammune to being hurt from some kind of bad relationship. Oh sure, we always think that "no one hurts like I hurt", or that "I will NEVER get over this", or whatever the case, and if you keep this mindset, you prevent yourself from moving forward with your life. I think people do this because it's EASIER TO DWELL IN YOUR MISERY THAN IT IS TO PULL YOURSELF UP OUT OF THE HOLE! It's so much easier to feel poor me and just convince yourself that you will never love, or be loved by another. Then you take this negative energy with you to your next potential relationship and wonder why it has the same end result. It has the same result because people do nothing to FIX themselves and expect the next person to A) either pay for the faults of another, or B) rely on the new person to fix all their wounds and hurts.
This is why I think your new guy has just basically said that he won't deal with it - He doesn't want to have to pay the price for another's mistake.

You need to fix yourself. I went through the same thing years ago when I was dating a man for 6 yrs, engaged to be married, then he cheated on me and broke my heart. I too thought I would never love again, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, blah, blah, blah. I didn't go to counciling and just decided I wasn't going to let this horrible experience ruin the rest of my life. I just told myself that I was a good person and deserved to be happy, and that it wasn't me that cheated. It's hard to pat yourself on the back sometimes and convince yourself that you deserve all that life has to offer - Especially if you have been kicked in the butt, but ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER AND ONLY YOU CAN HEAL YOUR OWN SOUL! Don't expect to put all your nasty laundry on someone else and expect them to take with open arms - They want someone healthy and someone that is willing to give them their heart - with no strings attached.

Don't let your old relationship ruin your potential new relationships. Heal yourself and make yourself available to love another. I know you are worth it! :bouncing:





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