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Jesus, when will my whining end? Sorry people... Just need to see what everyone thinks about this one.
I am not in a living situation I am happy with. I'm rooming in my friend's condo and it's fully decorated by her. Nothing is mine, and it's like one of those places where you can't touch anything. It looks like a store display. My boyfriend knows this, and he knows how badly I'm trying to save for my own place. Well I got handed a great opportunity the other day to move in with a male acquaintance for HALF the price I pay now! And he needs some of the furnitue I have, and I can make the place more like my own because his current roommate is taking a lot of things out of there. The place is great and he does the same work I'm getting into so he offered to help me out with that too. All in all, it's a perfect situation and a great opportunity for me. Plus, he has 2 amazingly adorable dogs that I love. I've always wanted a dog but my current roommate is allergic.
Anyway, I knew I had to discuss this with my boyfriend. And although I wanted to move in there so badly, I wouldn't do it if it would cause him any stress or discomfort. I sleep at my boyfriend's house like 5 nights out of the week anyway...
I brought it up to him and he was like "that's GREAT!" He was totally excited for me because he knew how bad I wanted to get out of where I am now. And he said he has no problem with it being a guy because he trusts me 100% and cares about me and wants what's best for me. I was very excited when he told me all this, but now I've been thinking. Is it normal for him to not care like that? Wouldn't most guys have a problem with this situation? Not that I would EVER cheat or anything... he has no reason to be nervous. But how can he be so trusting? Could it mean that he really doesn't care about me? Like it doesn't matter what I do, because he could care less? Know what I mean? He did ask me "Is there any reason why I SHOULD be bothered by this?" and of course I told him no. I would never betray him, no matter how bad the relationship was. Plus, like I said, I'm at his house 80% of the time anyway. I can't move in with him, though, because we've broken up a couple times very briefly, but I can't take that chance and I'm not ready to live with someone in that way.
What do you all think about this? How would you react if your SO wanted to room with someone of the opposite sex? Is my guy totally amazing and wonderful, or is he a careless jerk?
I'd say that unless he's given you a good reason to be untrusting of his motives (i.e. has he recently had an affair, has he recently been spending a lot of free time with another woman, etc. ) take what he says at face value. No sense in creating problems where there are none. Be glad you're getting out of a lousy living situation into a better and be glad your boyfriend is happy for you. Worry about anything else if and when it comes up.
Hmm, that's a tough one. Perhaps he's genuinely happy for you because he knows that you don't like your current living situation and he knows that the two of you moving in together are not a real possibility. However, as shallow as it makes me sound, I personally would not be very happy if my boyfriend were to move in with a female roommate. Maybe if the roommate was completely unattractive or gay, or both, but I still don't think I would feel very comfortable. I don't know. What can you do anyway? Just move into the new apartment and see how it goes. How long have you and your bf been together and how old are you both? I'm asking because I think that would help shed a bit more light on the situation.
Well we've been together almost a year. I'm 25 and he's turning 29 in a couple weeks. He's just always been the type who believes in trust. Basically, he will trust a person completely until they break his trust- just once- and then it's all over. Trust is just a very powerful thing for him, and he's always been this way with me. I'm used to guys getting all jealous if I have male friends. And my boyfriend isn't like that. He says he won't be with someone he can't trust. And on his side of it, he is good friends with an ex-girlfriend. He occasionally goes to visit her and her son during the day, and always lets me know this. I'm never left in the dark about anything he does. He's very open and honest with me. But the thing is, I'm not quite there yet. I do trust him, I'm just not used to this level of trust. It sometimes gets to me when he goes to visit her. I'm trying to adapt, though, because I know I'll be more comfortable and happy if I can take on his attitude. I mean, come on. How many guys would honestly be that comfortable with their girlfriends moving in with another guy?! It's not very common. Either I have an unbelievable guy, or there's a hidden agenda.
To be honest, no matter what a boyfriend thought, I wouldn't move in with a guy if I was involved with another guy.
What's the problem with looking around for a female roommate anyway just for argument's sake?
I personally don't see what the big deal is. The poster has what seems to be a very good relationship where there is trust and love. It appears that he totally trusts her, therefore not having any jealous, insecure motives.

So move in with the guy - Big deal - You're not sleeping with him, and your boyfriend is good with it. You will be happier from what I can see.

Here's another thought I had and please correct me if I'm wrong: Were you kinda hoping your boyfriend would ask you to move in with him and that's why you are upset that he is so comfortable with you moving in with another guy?
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Maybe I'm off on this one, but to me, a guy who would hope to marry his girlfriend would not let her move in with another guy. Is the other guy gay? That would be the only situation where I can see that he might feel more at ease with it. These people are not kids, and they've been together for a year. After a year in a good relationship, I would kinda hope the guy would start thinking about engagement, not letting me move in with some stranger guy. I asked my sister's husband and he said he would have NEVER let her move in with a guy, and he's not the super-possessive type either. Just a normal guy who's in love with my sister.[/QUOTE]


I have to say I totally disagree with you Sophia. (Which is rare, cause I normally don't)

When I first met my husband, he was living with another guy in San Diego. They were both in the Navy. My husband and I were married and three months later he left on a 6 month deployment. His roomate and I lived together the entire 6 months (and the previous three months all three of us lived together) His roomate was getting out of the Navy and was leaving for Arizona right before my husband got back, and needed a place to live until he left.
It worked out great - Kent (the roomate) and I had each other for company and my husband was relieved to know that someone was there with me so he didn't have to worry about me living by myself in a new city. (I moved there from another state)
There was never any jealousy or weird feelings because my husband and I totally trusted and loved each other. We are still very good friends with him.

I think in the right situation this type of arrangement works just fine. I refer back to my other post that asks the poster the question of why it bothers her that her boyfriend didn't throw a fit about her moving in with another guy. I think she was hoping that her boyfriend would offer to have her move in with him instead, and when that didn't happen, she got upset. Maybe I am trying to read between the lines, but I think that may have alot to do with it.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]I think the "security" issues would be stemming from the fact that she feels that if he were crazy in love with her, he would not let her move in with another guy. It makes her feel insecure because deep down, she would like him to be a bit more "possessive" than he is.[/QUOTE]


I think you're right on with this. I think this also goes along the line of what I was thinking: She was hoping her boyfriend would ask her to move in with him.
[QUOTE=susieq0726]I think you're right on with this. I think this also goes along the line of what I was thinking: She was hoping her boyfriend would ask her to move in with him.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, you're probably right too. The thing is that I feel a small dose of jealousy is healthy. I would not want a boyfriend of mine whom I've been dating for a year to move in with another woman. When you share an apartment with someone, you end up spending a significant amount of time in their company, you see each other every day and get to know each other more and more. sometimes when there's nothing to do, you see a movie together or go grab a bite to eat. Add to this mixture a possibility that this other person of the oposite sex is attractive and in the same age group, and a connection might happen accidentally, without a conscious intention. She has no formal commitment with her current bf. For all intents and purposes, she's a single woman. He SHOULD be a little bit jealous, unless he's really naive or the complete opposite of an alpha-man. This is my simplistic view on this.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Yeah, you're probably right too. The thing is that I feel a small dose of jealousy is healthy. I would not want a boyfriend of mine whom I've been dating for a year to move in with another woman. When you share an apartment with someone, you end up spending a significant amount of time in their company, you see each other every day and get to know each other more and more. sometimes when there's nothing to do, you see a movie together or go grab a bite to eat. Add to this mixture a possibility that this other person of the oposite sex is attractive and in the same age group, and a connection might happen accidentally, without a conscious intention. She has no formal commitment with her current bf. For all intents and purposes, she's a single woman. He SHOULD be a little bit jealous, unless he's really naive or the complete opposite of an alpha-man. This is my simplistic view on this.[/QUOTE]



Well I guess if it is a healthy jealousy. My definition of that would be like my husband and I do. If we are walking through the mall holding hands and someone of the opposite sex looks at either one of us, we laugh and pull the other one's hand closer and say "MINE". It always cracks us up and is not the green ugly monster kind of jealousy that's so unhealthy.
I guess that would be a healthy situation.
But to me roomates are roomates, and unless they ALLOW it to appear differently, I still don't see a problem with it. Especially if everyone meets each other and they all know one another.
[QUOTE=LittleRose1982] But having a guy roommate will be fun! I get to decorate![/QUOTE]


I hope this doesn't get taken the wrong way but I hope are not replacing your BF with this male roomate to what it be like living with your boyfriend. :eek:
[QUOTE=eightball61]I hope this doesn't get taken the wrong way but I hope are not replacing your BF with this male roomate to what it be like living with your boyfriend. :eek:[/QUOTE]


God no! Actually, the main reason I am unhappy with my current living situation is because it's my friend's condo. She's lived there for 7 years by herself, and all the decorating is hers. All the furniture, everything. And it's not even the type of thing where I can add little things of my own around the house, it's like she decorated it out of a magazine and everything has to be exactly the way she has it. As if it's solely for the purpose of looks. For that reason, I only spend time in my bedroom. I prefer a more cozy place. And the guy I'm moving in with has always had roommates and needs a roommate to help him with his dogs. The place is smaller and more cozy, and there's certain pieces of furniture that his current roommate is taking that he's going to need from me. So I can put my own personal touch on the place and feel more at home.
[QUOTE=LittleRose1982]God no! Actually, the main reason I am unhappy with my current living situation is because it's my friend's condo. She's lived there for 7 years by herself, and all the decorating is hers. All the furniture, everything. And it's not even the type of thing where I can add little things of my own around the house, it's like she decorated it out of a magazine and everything has to be exactly the way she has it. As if it's solely for the purpose of looks. For that reason, I only spend time in my bedroom. I prefer a more cozy place. And the guy I'm moving in with has always had roommates and needs a roommate to help him with his dogs. The place is smaller and more cozy, and there's certain pieces of furniture that his current roommate is taking that he's going to need from me. So I can put my own personal touch on the place and feel more at home.[/QUOTE]


I know you are happy about this but I have to agree with Hoop here....Why turn it into an issue when your boyfriend never made it an issue?





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