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[QUOTE=goody2shuz]...In regard to writing your ex a letter...

... What do you think??? Could be a good thing at the right time....

Try to surround yourself with positive things as you and friends and things you enjoy doing. Try your hardest to jump back into life and enjoy the time you have with yourself...we need to be true to ourselves before we can be true to others...

By the New Year you will feel stronger and more confident to perhaps give that girl a call... [/QUOTE]

Hi, again, thanks for the compliments. The last few days have been tough again. Im angry one minute, sad the next. The hardest thing is still not knowing what this big issue was that she was dealing with. Theres a few things I could do to find out, but Im not sure if I should be pursuing this. At what point do I drop it and say enough. I have some assumptions of what it might be. I think I have ways of finding out, but I worry that its become obsessive if I keep pursuing it.

I went ahead and wrote a letter. Im not planning on sending it. Not yet anyway. But the letter helped me to get some of the anger out, and more of it up to the surface. It helped me to see how messed up a lot of our relationship was and how badly I was treated. Im still really confused how she could treat me that way after I was nothing but nice to her. I guess its just foreign to me and Im glad it is actually.

I dont think Im going to pursue the woman who gave me the number. It just doesnt feel right. Id like to hang out with her as friends maybe and see what happens, but it still feels weird right now so Id better not.

Ive hooked up with a guitar player (I play bass and keyboard) over the last few weeks and he and I are trying to get a cover band together. We've been trying out drummers and singers lately so thats helping to keep me busy and positive. It will be good to get back on a stage again...and its a good way to meet women :p . Just kiddin...well, sort of ;) .

As far as family, that wont help right now. A big part of what Im working on in therapy is about my parents and some of the abuse I went through. This is also part of why this last relationship hurt so much. It paralleled a lot of issues with my parents.

Yeah, my therapist is pushing me to take time off and get comfortable just being me. Its incredibly hard though. Even though Im attractive, smart, funny, responsible, mature... the list goes on, I still have self esteem problems and get all my self worth from other people, especially women Im dating. Its getting better, but slowly and painfully. Thats the reason Im trudging through this childhood and teen family stuff. I need to learn how to get my self worth from inside me and not other people.
I did hear a cool saying last week though. It was regarding taking time off from dating to work on myself. "You cant overhaul an engine while its running". I liked that.

I wish I could be ready to call that woman in Jan, but Im not sure. Im still really untrusting of people right now. Damn, that last one did a number on me. :rolleyes:

[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]You really sound like you've got a good head about all this. You think things through. Thats an awesome quality to have; attractive too I might add :)[/quote]Again, thanks for the compliment.

[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]I am proud that you didn't go back to drinking, as you said no girl will ruin your sobriety and thats awesome. I cut down alot on the drinking...which is great because I no longer feel this INTENSE 24/7 urge to numb the pain.[/quote]
Yeah, there was no way I was going to blow my sobriety over this, but it was tempting at times... damn tempting one time in particular, but I called some people and got through it. Ive been sober 9 years and to lose that would...well, it would be bad. Im glad you cut down on the drinking too. That just adds to the depression, and when you sober up, youre feeling even more depressed and the problem is still there, but it sounds like you already know this.

Im not sure about the hook up thing. Theres actually a woman I could call, who basically threw the offer out there a while back (long story, and its not as sleazy as it sounds :p ), and she'd probably still be ok with it, but I just know that would make things even more messy in my head and just doesnt feel right to me. Even though she said it was fine, it would still be using her which just isnt right.

Yes, theres times I still feel sick when looking at other women. Other times, its ok. Im still doing the comparing thing though.
Yeah, anything about love and relationships on tv doesnt work for me either right now. Anything having to do with relationships at all right now is just something Id rather not deal with. The hard part is, a friend of mine is going through a messy divorce right now and hes needed people to be there to listen, and Im one of them. So, to be there for him, I have to listen and talk to him about this. Not fun, but its nothing thats unhealthy for me, and its really helping him out to have people to vent to.

Anyways, its still hard and I know it will get better, I'm just tired of dealing with this, and tired of having my heart broken. I was about to say, why are relationships so easy for some people and mine are always a mess and difficult, but I know every relationship has its problems, no matter how good it might look from the outside. I am thankful that this last relationship ended sooner than later. It would have messed me up waaaay worse if this had happened 6 months from now.

Thanks for reading. Hope the rest of everyones weekend goes well.

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