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I'm reading a great book here tittled Common Mistakes Singles Make by Mary Whelchel and I think is good reading for us long term singles. It is addressed particulary to christian singles but I think there is to learn for all singles christians or not. Anyways the book suggest as for coping with being single to pray honestly to God like these:

"God, though frankly I don't think it's possible for me to be happy or complete unless I'm married, I'm willing to turn it over to You. If You want me to be single, then somehow You'll have to work a miracle that is beyond my imagination and make me contented to be single. But I give You permission to do that if that is Your will."


I just thought to share cause I liked it :angel:
Thanks Ladiva, that's very sweet of you to post it. I might be in a wacky mood right now for some unexplicable reason, but the term "long term singles" has made me laugh. Ha, ha...Sounds like some chronic illness...Diagnosis: Chronic Singlehoodosis Pitifularis with bouts of acute episodes. Ha, ha. You gotta laugh at yourself sometimes, right? :D

Oh God, please give me the strength to resist a*****es and to...oh, wait, I guess I'm not supposed to curse during a prayer. Oh damn it, I blew it!

Hoop, can you pray to the extraterrestrials for me please?
On the other hand, marriage is not always such a good thing. I'm saying this after I just read about the Scott Peterson verdict. So, marrying the wrong person can really end tragically. Actually, a huge number of women get murdered or injured every day by their spouse or boyfriend. Very sad indeed, and points out the utmost importance of choosing wisely.
FYI, chronic singlehooditis is what its called and its very real. for me, its terminal.. :( . everytime i've asked someone out i get this --> :nono:
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Thanks Ladiva, that's very sweet of you to post it. I might be in a wacky mood right now for some unexplicable reason, but the term "long term singles" has made me laugh. Ha, ha...Sounds like some chronic illness...Diagnosis: Chronic Singlehoodosis Pitifularis with bouts of acute episodes. Ha, ha. You gotta laugh at yourself sometimes, right? :D

Oh God, please give me the strength to resist a*****es and to...oh, wait, I guess I'm not supposed to curse during a prayer. Oh damn it, I blew it!

Hoop, can you pray to the extraterrestrials for me please?[/QUOTE]


LOL .... Sophia and Ladivapr.....LOL You both are on my Christmas list to receive an 8 by 10 glossy autographed photo from my buddy in Del Rio Texas. [i] (see "do you believe in Angels") [/i]

I dont have a Christmas tree up this year and I don't have any jingle bells either, so my cowboy boots that were made for walking will just have to do.

HOOP!( my spurs are jingling! ) LOL :D

.
Hey Hoop thanks for remembering me in your Christmas list that so kind of you!

Sophia sometimes I don't know exactly how to express stuff in english but glad the long term single that I said made you jiggle. We got to have fun at life!

It all resume like these:

Single= low responsabilities/no sex

Married= high responsabilities/sex

Either way we will never win! lol
[QUOTE=Hoop]LOL .... Sophia and Ladivapr.....LOL You both are on my Christmas list to receive an 8 by 10 glossy autographed photo from my buddy in Del Rio Texas. [i] (see "do you believe in Angels") [/i]

I dont have a Christmas tree up this year and I don't have any jingle bells either, so my cowboy boots that were made for walking will just have to do.

HOOP!( my spurs are jingling! ) LOL :D

.[/QUOTE]


Hey, what about me??!! I'm also a chronic singleton with recurring bouts of acute melanchol-itis self pity-itis and sickofsleepingalone-osis. Can I please make your Christmas list??!! PLEAASSE??!!
[QUOTE=SophiaM]On the other hand, marriage is not always such a good thing. I'm saying this after I just read about the Scott Peterson verdict. So, marrying the wrong person can really end tragically. Actually, a huge number of women get murdered or injured every day by their spouse or boyfriend. Very sad indeed, and points out the utmost importance of choosing wisely.[/QUOTE]

Yes, sadly, as many as 10 women a day, or roughly one every 2.5 hours is murdered by a husband or lover, and every 12 seconds a woman is beated by a "loved one." Yes, it is very important to choose wisely, which makes the task so much harder. There's 52% of us looking for 48% of them, and out of that percentage, think of how many are abusive and violent, or just verbally abusive, and then the others who are just insensitive jerks or chauvanist pigs, and all the ones that are already taken, and that adds up to some MIGHTY slim pickins' ladies. My advice to younger women, nab your hubby while you're still in college!!! It's all downhill from there.

Thanks for the head's up on the book, ladiva. I've tried that prayer many times, still waiting for my miracle of either finding someone or finding contentment in singledom. To a certain degree, though, I think it's what you're willing to talk yourself into. If you so choose, you can talk yourself into being happy being single. I was able to do that once, but I can't anymore. I'm sort of at a point now where I think I'm just buggared beyond repair.
[QUOTE=Ninispjc] My advice to younger women, nab your hubby while you're still in college!!! It's all downhill from there. [QUOTE]

Wow..I'm really excited now about being freshly single. :rolleyes: The guys I met in college were all about partying and have "hook-ups"...I really didn't meet one that wanted a relationship. Too many girls these days are very easy, so the college boys don't want or have to work at it anymore. My ex was still in college when I met him and what did he do???..he graduated, got a great teaching position and then DUMPED me. If I grabbed the guy I dated in college I would have settled because after 4 years he cheated on me. I hope its not all gloom and doom from here...forget it.
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe][QUOTE=Ninispjc] My advice to younger women, nab your hubby while you're still in college!!! It's all downhill from there. [QUOTE]

Wow..I'm really excited now about being freshly single. :rolleyes: The guys I met in college were all about partying and have "hook-ups"...I really didn't meet one that wanted a relationship. Too many girls these days are very easy, so the college boys don't want or have to work at it anymore. My ex was still in college when I met him and what did he do???..he graduated, got a great teaching position and then DUMPED me. If I grabbed the guy I dated in college I would have settled because after 4 years he cheated on me. I hope its not all gloom and doom from here...forget it.[/QUOTE]

I hope not either, but I guess things really have changed since I was in college, wow, 20 years ago!! :eek: Of course there were party boys and the frat boys and such, but by the time a lot of the guys got to be Juniors or Seniors, they seemed to be ready to settle down, or at least head in that direction. I knew a few girls who were engaged by their junior or midway through their senior year. But I do agree that young people today put off settling down and giving up partying till later than they used to.

But even marriage is no guarantee. Look at all the women in their early to mid 40s and such starting over again, getting divorced and being single again. Oh, boy. I guess the only thing we can do is put our best foot forward, keep hope alive and hope for the best.
[QUOTE=Ninispjc]I hope not either, but I guess things really have changed since I was in college, wow, 20 years ago!! :eek: Of course there were party boys and the frat boys and such, but by the time a lot of the guys got to be Juniors or Seniors, they seemed to be ready to settle down, or at least head in that direction. I knew a few girls who were engaged by their junior or midway through their senior year. But I do agree that young people today put off settling down and giving up partying till later than they used to.

But even marriage is no guarantee. Look at all the women in their early to mid 40s and such starting over again, getting divorced and being single again. Oh, boy. I guess the only thing we can do is put our best foot forward, keep hope alive and hope for the best.[/QUOTE]


Yeah, out of all my friends that are married...none of the guys proposed while they were in college except for one. They seem to all party, even Junior and senior years. You're right too about getting married and then divorcing at 40...I think thats a worse situation than never being married at all.
In PR where I'm from it is true that the best chance is to grab a guy during the college years. I was very well aware of that fact and I did my best to find a guy those years. But when one is unlucky for love that's the way it is. I had several attempts that lasted no longer than a 2-3 months until my last year where I met a real nice guy which I'm sure would have married me but I never falled in love with him (no physical attraction). I forced myself to love him but it did not worked out. We remained good friends for many years on. Then when you graduate college and go to work for sure chances drop down a lot! Cause at work most people are already married. It's harder to meet singles then.

Nini the book says is that it is okay to desire to be married but that we cann't let the desire consume us. It says we cann't make marriage an idol cause god doesn't like that. Marriage will not solve our problems. I know it is hard to watch everbody else making their dreams come true while ours don't, but what else can we do?

BTW those women who divorce at 40 usually don't want to marry ever again. My coworker is one who says its no way in the world she would get married again. And I have men several women with the same thought, it seems so unreal to me but it happens and I would be interested to know how come that happens.

As for an update for me things are going wonderful. My new bf has been a blessing and I am very happy. Being two months now. I'm not worried about the future, if he is for me it will be so I'm just enjoying each day. We'll see how it keep developing!
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]Yeah, out of all my friends that are married...none of the guys proposed while they were in college except for one. They seem to all party, even Junior and senior years.[/QUOTE]
hey, i just graduated with an advanced degree and i partied every weekend in grad school.. :D . by the way, when i was a sophomore, i was ready to get a gf but no girl i met was interested in that...THEY were the ones that wanted to party. where i am, there's such an abundance of guys, even average looking girls have tons of choices. everywhere i go here, there's never enough girls. so, by junior year, i realized that 75% of the girls also just wanted to "hook up" that way instead of committing, i had no choice but change my intentions also. so, it goes both ways too.
Hey Ladiva, it's so great to hear things are going well with your new bf. I wish I could say the same thing about me. I'm trying to fall in love with this guy but I can't and it's been almost two months. Also, he never calls me at work just to say "hi" like my ex-boyfriend did and doesn't act "crazy about me" so maybe that's part of the reason why my feelings are not growing for him. I would like him to bring me flowers or do something romantic. He did give me flowers once but, not to sound bit**y, they were the ugliest flowers I ever got. I miss my ex-boyfriend, to be completely honest :(
[QUOTE=llw03c]hey, i just graduated with an advanced degree and i partied every weekend in grad school.. :D . by the way, when i was a sophomore, i was ready to get a gf but no girl i met was interested in that...THEY were the ones that wanted to party. where i am, there's such an abundance of guys, even average looking girls have tons of choices. everywhere i go here, there's never enough girls. so, by junior year, i realized that 75% of the girls also just wanted to "hook up" that way instead of committing, i had no choice but change my intentions also. so, it goes both ways too.[/QUOTE]


Yeah...I've seen it with girls too. In fact the point that I'm at I can't handle a relationship now and wouldn't be about commiting right now either. However I'm 25 and once I'm over my heartache I think that I'll be ready again to find that special one to settle down with. Maybe deep down both men and women want a commitment but because we've been hurt so bad in previous relationships we act like we're not interested in a commitment? College was all about hook-ups and you have a point that many girls just wanted that too.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Hey Ladiva, it's so great to hear things are going well with your new bf. I wish I could say the same thing about me. I'm trying to fall in love with this guy but I can't and it's been almost two months. Also, he never calls me at work just to say "hi" like my ex-boyfriend did and doesn't act "crazy about me" so maybe that's part of the reason why my feelings are not growing for him. I would like him to bring me flowers or do something romantic. He did give me flowers once but, not to sound bit**y, they were the ugliest flowers I ever got. I miss my ex-boyfriend, to be completely honest :([/QUOTE]


Sophia, just curious, was your ex already calling you at work at only 2 months into the relationship? Maybe I'm a slow mover, but I personally feel that 2 months isn't very long and anything could still happen. (And one day you just might be glad he doesn't call at work, I regretted giving a couple ex's my work #. I changed the house # so the last one couldn't call, but then he had my work phone as a backup and sucked me back in many times this way) Do you think you really don't like him because of who he is? Or are you just missing you ex and don't like him only because he isn't your ex?

I do know what you mean, everytime I meet someone, it's just all the more I start thinking about the ex. But could you not be giving the guy a chance because you are comparing him too your ex? Not accusing, just trying to help. I read on another thread (I think it was Promisez) something about in a new relationship you should identify, not compare. I know that really hit something in me. I definitely need to apply that to myself, and fully intend to from here on out!

Anyways, just wondered your thoughts on that. I can certainly understand, but I still believe anything could still happen. Just don't worry about trying so hard. And tell yourself that "it's only been two months" instead of "it's already been two months".
[QUOTE=lisa24]Sophia, just curious, was your ex already calling you at work at only 2 months into the relationship? Maybe I'm a slow mover, but I personally feel that 2 months isn't very long and anything could still happen. (And one day you just might be glad he doesn't call at work, I regretted giving a couple ex's my work #. I changed the house # so the last one couldn't call, but then he had my work phone as a backup and sucked me back in many times this way) Do you think you really don't like him because of who he is? Or are you just missing you ex and don't like him only because he isn't your ex?

I do know what you mean, everytime I meet someone, it's just all the more I start thinking about the ex. But could you not be giving the guy a chance because you are comparing him too your ex? Not accusing, just trying to help. I read on another thread (I think it was Promisez) something about in a new relationship you should identify, not compare. I know that really hit something in me. I definitely need to apply that to myself, and fully intend to from here on out!

Anyways, just wondered your thoughts on that. I can certainly understand, but I still believe anything could still happen. Just don't worry about trying so hard. And tell yourself that "it's only been two months" instead of "it's already been two months".[/QUOTE]

In my opionion, love should not be this hard. After two months there should be some sort of spark going, which doesnt seem to happening with sophia. I really dont think one day she is going to wake up and realize she is inlove with this man. If she is open to the idea of marrying for stablility and peace , comfort and just loving the person rather than being totally inlove than thats a different story, otherwise I really dont see much happening here. I think give it a bit more time, but dont agonize over it, if its not meant to be, its not.
[QUOTE=soulster]In my opionion, love should not be this hard. . . . . . I think give it a bit more time, but dont agonize over it, if its not meant to be, its not.[/QUOTE]I agree with soulster. As Sophia is analyzing him, he is reciprocating. If he is perceptive at all, he must sense that Sophia is not really into him. Based on his past experiences, he may be expecting Sophia to eventually dump him. If so, his cavalier attitude may be his way of shielding himself from the hurt he anticipates.
[QUOTE=llw03c]hey, i just graduated with an advanced degree and i partied every weekend in grad school.. :D . by the way, when i was a sophomore, i was ready to get a gf but no girl i met was interested in that...THEY were the ones that wanted to party. where i am, there's such an abundance of guys, even average looking girls have tons of choices. everywhere i go here, there's never enough girls. so, by junior year, i realized that 75% of the girls also just wanted to "hook up" that way instead of committing, i had no choice but change my intentions also. so, it goes both ways too.[/QUOTE]


so...where was it you said you were?? ;) :D
No, really, I think too many people fall into the trap of thinking just anybody is better than nobody, instead of realizing that having nobody is better than taking up with just anybody. There are drawbacks to being single, but there are a lot of people who are partnered who would love to be single again - and quite a few who act as though they are! :nono:
[QUOTE=genster]so...where was it you said you were?? ;) :D
No, really, I think too many people fall into the trap of thinking just anybody is better than nobody, instead of realizing that having nobody is better than taking up with just anybody. There are drawbacks to being single, but there are a lot of people who are partnered who would love to be single again - and quite a few who act as though they are! :nono:[/QUOTE]

Amen to that! Aww, you guys are my people - too adorable for words. Though "long-term single" DOES sound like a disease. Urgh.

My Grandma is one of those "just settle" folks. She keeps harrassing me about being single and saying she wants great-grandchildren, and I should just grab the first guy I see. Doesn't matter whether I love him or am attracted to him. And, hey - even if he turned out to be a drunken wife-beating junkie gambling lying womanizer, so what?! I'd be MARRIED! :rolleyes: (/end sarcasm)

Sometimes, when I look back, I wish I had married the love of my life - but I was too young (21) and still living with my mom and going to university. He was older (29) and ready to settle down, but I was not. To think I would now have a 12-year-old kid! :eek:
Hi Crimson, oh man should I have found the man of my life I would have married him in a heartbeat no matter I was 21! Oh well God had a different plan for you.

My parents are like that too. They think I should have married bf's I have had in the past even if I did not loved them. I don't think they believe in romeo and juliet kind of love lol
My father wanted me to marry my first bf when I was 18. He is now in jail for beating his wife whom he has four delinquent children with. My grandmother wanted me to marry my second bf and if I had done that we would def be divorced by now. You can't listen to others when it comes to something as important as who you are going to have children with and spend the rest of your life with and I'm glad that none of you did that! I agree that it is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.
Oh Wow, I didn't realize this was so widespread! My Grandmother and my Mother also want me to marry pretty much anyone, as long as he would marry me. Doesn't matter if I love him or am attracted to him at all. My Grandmother especially says that I would get "used" to the guy after marriage and might even grow to love him. And same thing, they don't care if the guy is twice my age, or completely impossible to look at, or broke and uneducated, or whatever. I think they would only stop at the drunk and wife-beater part. Ha, they must love me a little bit after all! :D Seriously, though, it's really sad when your own family thinks you deserve so little out of life, just because you're not 22 anymore.

Trystme, thanks for the encouragement. It's true that we shouldn't listen to others when our heart tells us this person is bad for us.
Sophia, that reminds me of something else that my grandmother told me. She said that women weren't supposed to like sex but had to do it for her husband. She said that she had never liked sex and she was in her 60s when she told me this. It is rather sad. Even at the time, when I was a virgin, I knew that wasn't true, and did not want that for my life.
I know, sadly, in that generation there were probably tons of women who never enjoyed sex with their husband simply because they were never attracted to him, and because it was only to please the man. My grandmother admitted she was not in love with my grandfather when she married him, and yet she's proud of the fact they stayed married for nearly 60 years. As long as I can remember, they didn't even sleep in the same bed. I guess our grandomothers' advice is from a totally different perspective. I know I would be completely miserable if I married someone who I don't love or someone who doesn't love me. So far the two components haven't come together but I'll wait. It's just not worth it any other way.
Hi,

I'm new here and was just looking around and noticed this thread.

I thought you might be interested in a free resource I have on my website.
It's called The Simple Truth That Transforms All Relationships and it is both text and audio.

You can get free access to it at:

[url]http://www.GreatRelationships.net[/url]

It's the introduction to a program that offers a spiritual/metaphysical approach called [B]How to Attract the Romantic Relationship of Your Dreams.[/B]

I hope you'll let me know what you think if you go and check it out.

Blessings,
Rebbie
[url]http://www.GreatRelationships.net[/url]
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Oh Wow, I didn't realize this was so widespread! My Grandmother and my Mother also want me to marry pretty much anyone, as long as he would marry me. Doesn't matter if I love him or am attracted to him at all. My Grandmother especially says that I would get "used" to the guy after marriage and might even grow to love him. And same thing, they don't care if the guy is twice my age, or completely impossible to look at, or broke and uneducated, or whatever. I think they would only stop at the drunk and wife-beater part. Ha, they must love me a little bit after all! :D Seriously, though, it's really sad when your own family thinks you deserve so little out of life, just because you're not 22 anymore.

Trystme, thanks for the encouragement. It's true that we shouldn't listen to others when our heart tells us this person is bad for us.[/QUOTE]

I guess at least this is one area where I've been sort of lucky. My mother always told me "don't feel you have to get married and have kids to make me happy. I wouldn't mind if you never got married." Of course, her marriage was/is not a happy one, so she doesn't want me to be miserable, too. My mother was a bit ahead of her time. She was a feminist before it was hip to be one. But I think people just put so much importance on marriage, it's not that your family thinks you don't deserve a really loving, wonderful marriage, they just don't want to see you alone. To that generation, ending up an old maid would be much worse than the worst marriage. But in those days they didn't even talk about thinks like wife abuse or anything like that. Thank goodness today we know better.
The funny thing, or perhaps ironic, is that my grandmother was married three times. She had two boys, one of which was my father, and then she had an affair while still married to my grandfather. She got pregnant by the other man, she and my grandfather divorced and she married the man that she had had the affair with. My grandfather was obligated to pay child support for the third boy even though everyone knew that he wasn't biologically my grandfather's child. There were no paternaty tests back then and it was assumed that whomever you were married to was the father. He was a stand up guy and never questioned paying the extra child support.

So I wonder if she was so disinterested in sex and it was supposedly something that a woman had to endure for her husband's sake, then why the extramarital affair? I think that was she said and what was actually true may have been two different things.

Then she and the second husband also divorced. They weren't married very long. She ended up living with a man who had been a bachelor his whole life when she was in her late 50s. Boy, did he LOVE and worship her! They were very happy together as far as I could tell. They lived together for several years before finally tieing the knot. He treated her very well and I used to visit them often for sleep overs. He was quite the character and had us laughing all of the time. That is when she told me about the fact that women weren't supposed to like sex and that she had never liked it but just had to do it anyway.

My grandmother died of smoking related emphazema in her late 60s and her husband was devastated. I stayed over with him the night that she died so that he wouldn't be alone. I went with him the next morning to the funeral home to make the arrangements. He insisted on buying all of the best stuff for her casket and the vault, etc. He bought the most expensive thing that they had which we all thought wasn't necessary but as I said, he insisted. He missed her so badly after that he was never happy again. Being without her along with a back problem that caused him pain ended up in him committing suicide one year after her death. This was a man who had been single his entire life until he met my grandmother in their older years and he just didn't want to live without her. He put a shotgun in his mouth and ended it all and I'm thinking that he wanted to go be with her in the afterlife, heaven, whathaveyou.

My biological grandfather married a woman whom I consider to be my grandmother, a few years after he and my grandmother divorced. They lived a very happy life together and loved each other very much. They were very devoted to one another. I think that they were married for about 33 years before my grandfather died of smoking related lung cancer. That was 13 years ago and my step-grandmother (I don't call her that, I call her Granny and I don't consider her any less of a grandmother to me than my biological grandmother was, in fact, her character is superior to my biological grandmother's and I always have liked her better) is still a part of our family in her mid 80s. I just saw her yesterday. She has such a wonderful spirt and not a negative bone in her body. She still talks about all of the good times and things that she and my grandfather did together, she still misses him so very much. All of my friends who have met her always comment about her wonderful attitude and spirt and they are always asking how she is doing. We always have a family Christmas get-together with her, my parents, my father's half brother and his family and all the kids. That was last night. Even though my grandfather was not the biological father to my uncle, she always buys them all Christmas gifts and they get her one too. It is really pretty cool when you think about it.

Sorry, I got off on a tangent and kept going and going and going.......
So sorry to hear about your stepfather, trystme. Some people deal with being left alone better than others. I guess for some it's just not an acceptable situation. So sad. But yes, funny how your grandmother told you sex isn't enjoyable. Maybe it was just what was said and passed down at that time.
[QUOTE=Ninispjc]So sorry to hear about your stepfather, trystme. Some people deal with being left alone better than others. I guess for some it's just not an acceptable situation. So sad. But yes, funny how your grandmother told you sex isn't enjoyable. Maybe it was just what was said and passed down at that time.[/QUOTE]

Nini some people like my coworker for example hate the idea of marriage entirely. She is one happy loner I can tell. I work in a chemical lab and since I'm the youngest they always pick on me, oh boy she thinks I''m crazy for desiring to be married lol
See, growing up, I didn't really have any examples of happy couples. Must be why I'm so messed up. My parents got divorced right after I was born (she kicked him out), my Grandma was a widow who didn't care who she dated as long as the man bought her pretty things, and my Godparents were childless and sleeping in twin beds.

And my Mom always made it clear that she was too young to be a Grandma and would probably kill any guy I brought home. So I never did. What a fine example to live by. It's like she wanted me to be miserable. Sorry, feeling bitter right now. *takes deep breath*
[QUOTE=CrimsonClover]See, growing up, I didn't really have any examples of happy couples. Must be why I'm so messed up. My parents got divorced right after I was born (she kicked him out), my Grandma was a widow who didn't care who she dated as long as the man bought her pretty things, and my Godparents were childless and sleeping in twin beds.

And my Mom always made it clear that she was too young to be a Grandma and would probably kill any guy I brought home. So I never did. What a fine example to live by. It's like she wanted me to be miserable. Sorry, feeling bitter right now. *takes deep breath*[/QUOTE]


Finding happy role models sure isn't as easy as we would like to think, that's for sure. But I'm sure your mom didn't consciously want you to be miserable, CC. She was probably like my mom, scared to death I'd get pregnant before I finished college. She was always worried about boys and my getting mixed up with them, I don't know why since I never ever even dated, missed prom, homecoming, etc. Never kissed or anything like that. I wanted to take a year off after high school to get my head together, decide exactly what I wanted to do, make some money, gain a bit more confidence, but my parents were having none of it. They were so afraid I'd meet a boy and get pregnant (I guess they thought there were no men in college??? :confused: ) so they shipped me off right after high school. I ended up with an ulcer in my gut the size of a quarter half way through the first semester I was so miserable. Seeing as I'm almost 40 and still a virgin, :eek: they really didn't have anything to worry about! It's hard to think of our parents as wanting the best for us when what they think is the best seems so screwed up, but I guess they love us the best way they know how.
Nini my mom was also terrified that I got pregnant before marriage. All the time she used to preache me to not have sex until marriage as we are religious family. Now that I reached my 30's and still not married I think she is afraid that I suddenly become a ***** to satisfy my sexual needs lol. But she has certainly changed in understanding that it is almost impossible to wait to have sex until marriage at my age even if you are with a good man.
In my family, the fear wasn't that I wouldn't get married, or would get pregnant, but that I was a closet lesbian, as all my highschool friends were gay males. I don't think it occurred to my dad that if I was a lesbian, I wouldn't be hanging out exclusively with men... gay, or not. When I finally did bring home a boyfriend ( not until I was 23), there was an audible sigh of relief. ;) My mother couldn't care less if her daughters marry - she just wants us to be happy and to let her live her life. she is very laid-back for someone in her 80's, and supports her kids' decisions - even when she knows we aren't being wise. We are very lucky. My father wanted his daughters to all be married (although he kind of gave up on that after a while) and living in our home town (sons too!). he wanted a Walton's kind of thing, the whole big, happy family living on the mountain. Didn't work out that way, but oh well. Of the 5 girls in the famiily, only two are married, and one of those is on the 3rd husband. Two are common-law, and have been for 25 years. And I, as always, am single. It doesn't usually bother me, but with the big four-oh approaching, i admit it would be nice to have someone in my life, other than the cat (who prefers living with my mother anyway. :rolleyes: ). I have lately been thinking of my ex; then I saw his cousin at a funeral, which made me think of him more. i don't want him back, but I do miss things about being in a relationship. And he is as close as I came to the ideal, I guess. Except for the lying, patronizing, cheating, irresponsible bits, he was not a bad guy! :D Unfortunately, the breakup was really bad, and now I don't date because I doubt my own judgement. Even if I met a guy I wanted to get involved with, I wouldn't be able to, because I don't trust my ability to read people anymore. I wouldn't believe that he would be interested, as my ex made it clear that I was second best in his life for so long (8 years) that I no longer believe anyone would be interested - and if they were, I wouldn't trust my own instincts. Simpler really to stay single - and find a cat who doesn't prefer my mother! Actually, usually I like being single, it is just lately that it has been bothering me... perhaps it is the time of year? :confused:
Genster, you made my day! May I share?

Rumor has it that my mother-in-law was quite concerned that her son might be gay.
After all, he was 33, never married, very few girlfriends, spent most of his evenings at the lanes with guys bowling.

He met me, proposed in 6 wks, we were married in 10 months and he now owns the bowling center.

Doncha love happy endings???!!!
:angel:
[QUOTE=Ruth6:11]Genster, you made my day! May I share?

Rumor has it that my mother-in-law was quite concerned that her son might be gay.
After all, he was 33, never married, very few girlfriends, spent most of his evenings at the lanes with guys bowling.

He met me, proposed in 6 wks, we were married in 10 months and he now owns the bowling center.

Doncha love happy endings???!!!
:angel:[/QUOTE]

Ruth...You always seem to light up this board with your wonderful gentle humor ;) I love every little piece of yourself you leave on this board. But enough of the praise(I hear some feel guilty as a result ;) ) I love your happy ending....

And if Goody may add....imagine Genster, how wonderful it will be when you do finally meet the right one when you ex had so little to offer. If you miss that relationship as lousy as it was think for a moment of how wonderful it will be when you are ewith Mr. Right :bouncing: just a thought to brighten your day :D .....Goody
I haven't been actively looking for Mr. Right - not even for Mr. Right-for-me :p !!lol! I just get the blues sometimes, and it seems more so since moving out to the middle of nowhere. I live in a small rural area, where everyone has known everyone else for time immemorial. It is hard to fit in to such a tight knit community, and sometimes it gets me down. My ex wasn't all bad, he does have some fine qualities, but he never saw any reason to put anyone else before himself. His family spoiled him on the one hand, and denied him any credit for being an adult on the other, so he was really screwed up. Plus, they NEVER argued, never had any sort of emotional intimacy that I could see - it was like an emotional flatline. Weird to me, who grew up with a family that fought - loudly - and laughed and generally were more typical. He never had to do any of the messy emotional stuff, never learned how, I guess. I got tired of being the one who did all the emotional work in the relationship, and when I wanted him to be the one to reach out, he couldn't, or wouldn't, or just plain didn't. His fault that he never tried to learn how, mine that I let him get away with it for so long. I taught him that I would mollycoddle him like the family had, and when i stopped, so did the relationship. He has a lot of charm, and people like him, so he has never had to learn how to go deeper - keeps things on a superficial level in all his relationships. Pity I didn't make note of that when I met him. I just worry (about everything) that my lack of judgement is a permanent condition. I cared very deeply for the ex, and when we broke up it nearly killed me. i am not sure I could do that again, and haven't been willing to try in the last few years. I am sure that he cared for me, but i am equally sure that he cared for his stereo/car/game system. I felt liek the girlfriend of convenience - lik e I was the first girl on the rack at the local 7-11 of girlfriends ;) . I got tired. Won't go there again. Next time, I will pay attention from the start.
Genster..You just showed us all where the common phrase comes from..."We learn from our mistakes" ;) You sound like a smart "young" lady....I remember not too long ago that Goody was in your 2 shoes and I was on the phone with a guy from a personal ad I had responded to. I remember telling him that I was at the point in my life that I didn't care how long it took or how old that i got...that unless I found Mr. Right I wouldn't get married. So turns out that about a year later I married the guy :bouncing: Yes there are lots of happy endings around here and you will have one too ;) You just wait...with that head on your shoulder it'll probably be sooner than you think :angel: ...Goody
Thaks goody for the words of encouragement. Last Sunday I was out to supper with a friend of mine from back home ( he lives an hour away, we get together every couple of months for supper at the halfway point - it is nice to socalize with someone I have known for so long; we went to school together and have known each other 25 years) and was telling him that another friend of ours had suggested that I get him (my friend from school) to dig up some suitable male friend - but only if he is single!! The strangest look came over his face... he is very straight-laced and lawyerly, I think I surprised him when I mentioned it. It was either amusing or insulting, I haven't decided which! :confused: Oh well, it would be interesting to see what he perceives as suitable, being as we are completely opposed in many of our beliefs - he is very right, I am more left. It could be just bizarre, now that I think of it! :eek: I don't think he would actually do anything like set me up, he is very reticent about getting too mixed up in other people's personal stuff. (did I mention he is very strait-laced?) Anyway, thaks for the support. It is nice to know that someone is there to hear me.
[QUOTE=genster]Thaks goody for the words of encouragement. Last Sunday I was out to supper with a friend of mine from back home ( he lives an hour away, we get together every couple of months for supper at the halfway point - it is nice to socalize with someone I have known for so long; we went to school together and have known each other 25 years) and was telling him that another friend of ours had suggested that I get him (my friend from school) to dig up some suitable male friend - but only if he is single!! The strangest look came over his face... he is very straight-laced and lawyerly, I think I surprised him when I mentioned it. It was either amusing or insulting, I haven't decided which! :confused: Oh well, it would be interesting to see what he perceives as suitable, being as we are completely opposed in many of our beliefs - he is very right, I am more left. It could be just bizarre, now that I think of it! :eek: I don't think he would actually do anything like set me up, he is very reticent about getting too mixed up in other people's personal stuff. (did I mention he is very strait-laced?) Anyway, thaks for the support. It is nice to know that someone is there to hear me.[/QUOTE]


Sounds to me that he was more a little upset at the fact that he wasn't considered in your proposition ;) Is he married??? Left, right, straitlaced, outgoing...opposites attract....another catchphrase ;) Sometimes an objective opinion may be right....could Goody be on to something??? I am a hopeless romantic but seriously, do you think he may be interested himself??...Goody :angel:
Oh, Ruth, I forgot to say your post made me laugh. Some of my gay friends in school had mothers who thought that I was the evil influence that brought their sons out. Perhaps. Whatever. One friend's mother told him he just hadn't met the right woman yet - he was 33 and living in one of the largest cities in the country, dating a gorgeous man - so I told him to tell her he had, but he met her at a drag show. It wasn't very nice of me :nono: ( he never took my advice, thank goodness), but she was one of the aforementioned mothers. Nice woman, just a little off her rocker some days.
Nevver entere my head. He likes tall, blondes with heavy conservative leanings. I am an extra-large left wing feminist who has a nasty habit of speaking her mind - even when it isn't good for me. I suspect that he just never thought I might be interested in getting into a relationship - he knows how hard i had it after the last breakup (my father died about a year after that), and I dont really get into conversations about stuff like that with him much. I suspect he was surprised is all. Also, I think I am one of the few women friends he has - he had a very hard time in school (we both did, for awhile) and his mother had her thumb firmly over him. (There's that mother thing again!!) I don't think he has that many close friends - certainly not women. And I accept him just as he is - a tall, kind of nerdy, lawyerly type who is basically a nice guy.
There's another phrase..."nice guys finish last" but perhaps you can prove that one wrong ;) I don't know but I always see the "good' in situations, so I've been told by some here, and maybe this is something that may work out. Anyway...I don't want to give you any false hopes, just seeing things from a different point of view. Hey...you may get along with another poster here, Nini..she's about your age and going through a tough time with singlehood and getting over an ex. Goody's working on it with her so perhaps we can do as they say and "kill 2 birds with 1 stone" ;) Goody's into phrases today...tomorrow it'll be another thing. Anyway welcome to the boards...and alos thanks for popping in on the Roadtrip...come back if you have the time. The more the merrier :D And if i know Nini, as well as i do....it won't be long befroe she pops in on this thread and introduces her self. Give her a hug from Goody....... :wave:
I have been reading some of Nini's posts, and was struck by the similarities in our experiences. I also felt like crap for a long time after the break up, and still do some days. but I know that he wasn't any better a personwith or without me, he jsut is very ego-centric - not selfish in the material sense, just very centred on his own stuff. (Aren't we all, to some degree) I hope Nini reads this, perhaps she will also see the likeness. I know it will get better, I am living proof. I am not living a great social whirlwind life, but I am lucky in the friends I have, the family I have, and that I (almost) have my cat (cat has gone to live with Grandma - says she likes grandma's house better: or so my mother tells me whenshe is refusing to give back said cat. told her to get her own cat; didn't work , she already has two of her own. Suspect mother is cat crazy. I still have every second weekend). Broken hearts do eventually heal - they may be a little different in shape, but they usually are a lot stronger. (See, my earlier bleak mood has already begun to pass :D )
Maybe that's all we really need to survive the single life.... a good sense of humor.
By the way, I think I like yours genster. You seem to have lightened my mood a bit also. Thanks
I thought my ears were burning!!! Hey genster. Can I just call you G? Yes, I've read some of your posts, and there do seem to be a lot of similarities. I too can be a feminist who has a hard time keeping her mouth shut. It's what got me in trouble, I think! But anyway, I'm glad to know things are looking up for you. 8 years is a long time to feel crappy and lonely and wasted, I know. It's been 7 for me, as you probably know. Just waiting for it to get better.

Glad to see you on the boards. People are pretty cool here. :cool:
[QUOTE=Ninispjc]I thought my ears were burning!!! Hey genster. Can I just call you G? Yes, I've read some of your posts, and there do seem to be a lot of similarities. I too can be a feminist who has a hard time keeping her mouth shut. It's what got me in trouble, I think! But anyway, I'm glad to know things are looking up for you. 8 years is a long time to feel crappy and lonely and wasted, I know. It's been 7 for me, as you probably know. Just waiting for it to get better.

Glad to see you on the boards. People are pretty cool here. :cool:[/QUOTE]


You're right, people here are cool... and we are here, so we must also be cool :cool:
you are right, letting ourselves feel bad for this long isn't the best thing for us to be doing. WHy are we giving them the power over us? I know it is hard, and boy, do I knwo where you are coming form with thinking that maybe there just isn't a Mr. Right out there for you - or for me. The reality is that some people just don't get married and have the happily ever afters. BUT, I have come to decide that if I am never involved with someone again, if I never have that "special someone" then it d*** well isn't going to be because I accepted that jerk's opinion of me as second best. (See, now I am in the angry stage :blob_fire ) Perhaps I won't end up with the man of my dreams, maybe I will. However, it has been my experience that the MOMD types do not come door to door. How about you and I make a pact? Every time we start thinking htat we a lonely losers, we remember that we went into those relationships willing to give our all, that we loved in good faith, with our deepest part of ourselves, that we kept the integrity of our feelings - they were the gormless gits that screwed it up. :D
I have recently started teaching craft classes an hour from where I live, just to get out and do stuff. I need to stop hiding in the trailer I live in, and I don't want to go out to hang out with drunken, depressed people, so I don't go to bars. I meet only women in these classes, but what the heck. Of course, I spent the other night cutting about 40 eggs for a clas on eggcraft ( and cleaning egg gunk off my walls :rolleyes: ), but we had fun and the ladies had a lovely egg to take home with them at the end of the night. WE have to change the pattern, because it is irrational to keep doing the same thing, expecting the results to differ.
[QUOTE=genster]
I have recently started teaching craft classes an hour from where I live, just to get out and do stuff. I need to stop hiding in the trailer I live in, and I don't want to go out to hang out with drunken, depressed people, so I don't go to bars. I meet only women in these classes, but what the heck. Of course, I spent the other night cutting about 40 eggs for a clas on eggcraft ( and cleaning egg gunk off my walls :rolleyes: ), but we had fun and the ladies had a lovely egg to take home with them at the end of the night. WE have to change the pattern, because it is irrational to keep doing the same thing, expecting the results to differ.[/QUOTE]

This is true. Einstein said that's the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Hmmm...not sure what that leaves to try.... :confused: ;)

But hey, hanging out with women is good too. I mean, women do have brothers, cousins, male friends, etc. Not to mention, they can just be nice to hang out with.

Gormless gits? That's a new one on me! Not quite sure what it means, but I think I get the gist, and I think my ex almost certainly fits in that catagory! :D
[QUOTE=genster]You're right, people here are cool... and we are here, so we must also be cool :cool:
you are right, letting ourselves feel bad for this long isn't the best thing for us to be doing. WHy are we giving them the power over us? I know it is hard, and boy, do I knwo where you are coming form with thinking that maybe there just isn't a Mr. Right out there for you - or for me. The reality is that some people just don't get married and have the happily ever afters. BUT, I have come to decide that if I am never involved with someone again, if I never have that "special someone" then it d*** well isn't going to be because I accepted that jerk's opinion of me as second best. (See, now I am in the angry stage :blob_fire ) Perhaps I won't end up with the man of my dreams, maybe I will. However, it has been my experience that the MOMD types do not come door to door. How about you and I make a pact? Every time we start thinking htat we a lonely losers, we remember that we went into those relationships willing to give our all, that we loved in good faith, with our deepest part of ourselves, that we kept the integrity of our feelings - they were the gormless gits that screwed it up. :D
I have recently started teaching craft classes an hour from where I live, just to get out and do stuff. I need to stop hiding in the trailer I live in, and I don't want to go out to hang out with drunken, depressed people, so I don't go to bars. I meet only women in these classes, but what the heck. Of course, I spent the other night cutting about 40 eggs for a clas on eggcraft ( and cleaning egg gunk off my walls :rolleyes: ), but we had fun and the ladies had a lovely egg to take home with them at the end of the night. WE have to change the pattern, because it is irrational to keep doing the same thing, expecting the results to differ.[/QUOTE]


WOW....Genster ;) You are just a breathe of fresh air around here and we may just have one bird to kill with that stone if you keep it up :D :D

Yes...the signs just keep on flashing.....but can we see them??? Oh ye of little faith....... :angel:
[QUOTE=Ninispjc]This is true. Einstein said that's the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Hmmm...not sure what that leaves to try.... :confused: ;) [/QUOTE]

Well, I don't want to deprive Heartland of the pleasure, but...

Who you gonna call? Toast-masters! :D

[QUOTE]Gormless gits? That's a new one on me! Not quite sure what it means, but I think I get the gist, and I think my ex almost certainly fits in that catagory! :D[/QUOTE]

I was wondering about the gormless gits myself. I think it will become my new favorite collective term for all my ex-boyfriends. Gormless Gits--I just love it! :D Is that British?
I just researched the insanity quote. Apparently, it's all the rage on the speaking circuits.

While at first thought, it makes perfect sense, it is the antithesis of “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” When applied practically to “selling” anything one of a kind, like a manuscript to a publisher, the insanity definition implies that if the first few prospects won’t accept your offering, you should just give up. Also, if your first few dates don’t work out, just give up on love. There are countless cases where persistence has been rewarded with great success, in spite of how insane it seemed to others. This is another case where a simple definition is an oversimplification of reality.

Sometimes giving up without much of a fight is insane.



Sophia, I couldn't have said it as well as you. :) Best wishes to you, too.
Thanks Heartland. Btw, I really liked your song for Goody :D Good luck with your career change and don't forget to check in on us periodically!
Nini, my favorite is:

I don't suffer from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it!

:angel:
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Well, I don't want to deprive Heartland of the pleasure, but...

Who you gonna call? Toast-masters! :D



I was wondering about the gormless gits myself. I think it will become my new favorite collective term for all my ex-boyfriends. Gormless Gits--I just love it! :D Is that British?[/QUOTE]


Gormless: not sure how to define it, but it means someone who has no real intestinal fortitude - no guts
Git: stupid, thoughtless, clued-out eejit (idiot).

yup, it's the Brit in me coming out - I am Canadian, my Mum is a Scot, My Dad was also Scottish-Canadian. Some of Mum's phraseology comes through in my language.

So, if all those gormless gits can't appreciate us, we will just come in here and be appreciated by people who aren't gormless! :D
[QUOTE=genster]Gormless: not sure how to define it, but it means someone who has no real intestinal fortitude - no guts
Git: stupid, thoughtless, clued-out eejit (idiot).

yup, it's the Brit in me coming out - I am Canadian, my Mum is a Scot, My Dad was also Scottish-Canadian. Some of Mum's phraseology comes through in my language.

So, if all those gormless gits can't appreciate us, we will just come in here and be appreciated by people who aren't gormless! :D[/QUOTE]


And there are alot of those around here ;) Makes me think that most of the people that are seeking help here aren't necessarily the ones needing it.....makes one ponder about all those gormless gits out there who are missing out on the great things in llife :angel:

Anyway, Genster.....before our time is over we're gonna be celebratng yours and Nini's and Lavidar's and Sophia's and Lisa's and anyone elses names I unintentionally omitted victories.....hopefully Goody won't be retiring on this board....so come on girls, ya gotta help me out here ;) I'm in it for the long haul.....or at least I hope so :angel:

How's your day going BTW??? I like your Brit/Scot spirit....and I love Canada. Was up there twice....to Mt. St. Anne's saw the most beautiful cathedral there and I believe Pickering, Ontario was the other place. Have a very dear Jesuit friend who celebrated his 50th anniversary there.

Well, cheerio as the say...nice to see you first thing in the morning.....Goody
Hey Goody
My day is going ok - my hives are driving me nuts, but they always do. hope your day is absolutely fabulous. Must go back to work! - G
I really enjoyed reading all of your "singles" stories. Am probably on the wrong site, but I'll tell my story anyway. First, of all, I'm a senior in her late 60's. Between the ages of 15 & 35, I had a ton of fun with really good guys; a couple of marriages that I really never wanted, but ended up getting pregnant in my 20's & felt she needed a Father!! So my problem was not finding the nice guys, but outgrowing them. But just loved the one I was with til I 'hit the wall', and moved on.

Then at age 35, met what seemed to be more of a match, but he was much younger than me; seemingly mature at that time. An intellectual, who gave me alot of attention, great communicator, but started with the "controling" game. I dealt with it, as I had a very rewarding career at that time, and we traveled and really for the lst 15 years, were best friends.

My auto-immune illnesses had begun right after I met him, so sex didn't last for long due to that; the pain & my lack of desire. He never complained, as he was pretty much a workaholic & discovered he was extremely materialistic; the opposite of this country girl who grew up on Vancouver Island playing in the mountains with my horse & dog.

Anyway, at about the 20th year, his narcisstic behavior became more pronounced, and my illness worsened. Since my career had been as a psychological counselor, I'd been his counselor for all those years, but then became too ill to take on his issues. So I told him he needed counseling. He went, but this narcissim would come & go, and I got to the stage of my illness that I was now dependent on him. First time I'd ever experienced that in my life. Always had been a high energy, bright spirited, independent person; even as a child.

This is getting long, but to bring you into the present, he lost his job 7 months ago, and literally has lost his mind. He's become emotionally abusive & worsened my disabling illness. I became so weak, had to rehome my two horses (which were my passion); put our ranch up for sale & buying another small place. But his behavior has become so harmful to me that yesterday I told him I was ready to call 911 & report domestic violence. I could not believe it's come to this after 30 years!!! Just wrote him a letter telling him to get his own apt & not to come near me again or I'd report him.

I so hate anger; just want peace & kind people to surround me. So now I'm looking at being "single". A SENIOR single.............I'm devastated, and feeling so lost. Always had a man in my life; always liked that relationship. So now I will continue to seek out that kind, peaceful senior that's wanting to live in peace. I'm hoping not to live alone, but what will be will be.

Thanks for listening; this is crisis day, and venting has helped.

LIGHT TO YOU ALL....................Carole





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