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I've been frequenting these boards for a while now, and I see people who are genuinely being helped reach decision which are without a doubt both difficult and painful. I now find myself in a situation that requires advice and an untainted point of view. I apologize in advance for the long read.

I've been with my love for almost 3 years now. I was 18 when we met (and graduating) and she was 15. We were both each other's first serious relationships in a new environment (having immigrated from Eastern Europe in our earlier teens). Even now, I consider myself truly lucky to have her, and would do anything to make her happy.

But there are some things I would change about us. I'm not so sure she values our relationship as strongly as I do. I'm afraid that every time we go into a fight, it will be our last. When she gets upset (it's happened more and more often lately, and for increasingly trivial reasons), it takes days for her to talk to me again, and even then, the conversation goes on for hours to the tune of "What's wrong?"; "Nothing". I am not afraid to admit my mistakes when I'm wrong, but she won't admit to anything. She has flat out told me several times (and gave me no reasons to believe otherwise) that she will never call me if I'm upset with her ("That's just the way I am and I'm never going to change"). Yet I faithfully call her until she talks to me when she's mad at me. At first I said "when something's wrong with us, I'll tell you and we'll talk about it", with the hope of her doing the same eventually, when the situation is reversed. But that's never happened. Because of this, I can't help but feel that I'm the only one trying to make this relationship work, and that the moment I stop this, everything falls to pieces. I began avoiding to tell her about things that bothered me (always thinking "is it really worth it getting into a fight for this?"), so in the time we've been together, our fights always ended with me trying to patch things up.

The few times that I have brought up an issue, she responded by getting upset and blaming me in return. I find I often try too hard to see her point and end up finding excuses for her behaviour. But I'm growing tired from doing this, as it's heartbreaking to see that our relationship means less to her than making a phone call.

I guess in the end I'm wondering whether our relationship can lead to anything fruitful in the future, and what that would entail. Any input and advice are appreciated. :wave:

In reading what I wrote above, I'd like you to also keep in mind the great parts of our relationship. She's the one person who lights up my life, and the first I trusted completely. And I know she shares the same feelings in return. We do make each other happy and still get lost into each other's eyes.
Please also keep in mind that what I've described above happens only with our relationship. With everyone else, whenever there's a conflict, she's the one to internalize it and never bring it up. Sometimes I feel that she's directing all the anger that she's got pent up inside, at me. Nothing that I've tried to tell her about that has made her try to change this.

Thanks again for any words you have to say about this.





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